Hello Kitty Paris Hilton Three Apples

As if there weren’t already 100 reasons not to attend the Three Apples Hello Kitty 35th Anniversary gala torture chamber, the fact that Paris Hilton showed up pretty much ensured that the whole event would have been unbearably painful:

Hello Kitty Paris Hilton Three Apples

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Hello Kitty Car Window Decal

It has always seemed that Hello Kitty has been subtly letting me know how she feels about me. While my wife insists that the 1974 pose is Hello Kitty sucking her finger, it seems that she is doing something a little different with her middle finger to me. Well, it turns out that the evil feline has decided to end the subtleties and let everyone know exactly how she feels about them. Welcome the true feelings Hello Kitty has for you:

Hello Kitty window decal

Sent in by drekls

Hello Kitty Handbag Fashion Show

I have no doubt that having to sit through a Hello Kitty fashion show would constitute torture to any civilized nation and most people would consider the death penalty appropriate for anyone that actually put one on (miraculously, this is one experience I have yet to endure although my wife still has it on the top of her list of things to do). The fact that they now have fashion shows exclusively for Hello Kitty handbags pretty much shows that the world is in far worse dire straights than anyone imagined:

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Hello Kitty Sig Sauer p226 Gun

Note: Sanrio legal counsel has contacted me because they realize that their fans are not bright enough to know what is an official Sanrio product and what is not. They didn’t feel that this would be a problem until the fans started contacting them directly, and they soon realized how painful it was to actually have to converse with a fanatic, and not even they had the patience to actually do this. As a result, they sent out a notice to me begging for me to take down my posts about guns that had the evil feline on them just so they didn’t have to ever correspond with the fanatics again. When I explained that they brought it on themselves, they pleaded that I spare them the torture that they inflict on me on a daily basis and asked me to post the following, Since I actually have a conscience, here is what they have to say:

Sanrio® has informed us that Sanrio is not involved in the manufacture or sale of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, and does not allow Hello Kitty® to be used to market guns or weapons. The items shown in this post are either digitally fabricated images or were custom-decorated without Sanrio’s permission. Sanrio alleges that creating false digitized images of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, or custom-decorating a real gun or weapon with Hello Kitty art, infringes Sanrio’s copyrights and trademarks, and may violate criminal laws.

And onto the original post…

As I have said time and again, Hello Kitty loves her guns

Hello Kitty Sig Sauer gun

Sent in by gunlovr

How To Make a Hello Kitty Mascot Head

They really don’t celebrate Halloween in Japan, but that doesn’t stop my wife from doing her best to bring the evil feline into the holiday anyway. The one thing that she absolutely hates is that she can’t dress up in a Hello Kitty costume like she sees so many people do in the US, but since this guide on how to create your own Hello Kitty mascot head landed in my mailbox, she’s been strongly hinting that we need to join some of the US Halloween party celebrations in costume. Yet one more thing to worry about in Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty mascot head

Sent in by tauney (via instructables)

Hello Kitty Detox Cute and the Beauty Junkies Song

You have to question the sanity of any band that would think it’s a good idea to create a song about Hello Kitty. The fact that the band actually thought it would be a good idea pretty much indicates how it is going to be (for those that are unable to understand hint, that was a warning that you really don’t want to listen to this song if you want to keep your sanity):

You were warned…

Sent in by gina

Hello Kitty Birthday Party

I hate my birthday. It’s not that I care that I am getting a year older, but the fear each year of what my wife will do to celebrate it. It’s never a pretty sight and no matter how much I protest, she manages to slip the evil feline into the celebration in some way. The truth is that what she would really like to do is throw me a party like this:

Hello Kitty birthday party

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Hello Kitty Pokemon Fetish (nsfw – or your sanity)

One would imagine that it really couldn’t get worse than the Hello Kitty fetish underwear, but then that would be highly underestimating the evil feline. Long after any normal person would stop and say, “Okay, this really has gone way too far,” Hello kitty is looking for ways to stretch the bounds of human reason to the point that we all just give up and accept her as our overlord so that she will just stop. If stretching these bounds requires a little help from Pokemon, so be it. As I have said it on many occasions before, you are better off leaving and enjoying the rest of your day because you can’t unsee the image and it will haunt you – you have been warned:

Hello Kitty pokemon fetish

See, I told you…

Sent in by Physalis