One mans hell with cute overload
It is already well established that Hello Kitty fanatics love their claws. One would assume seeing that sampling of what Hello Kitty fanatics are willing to do to their nails pretty much sums up the worst of the worst, but that would be highly underestimating Hello Kitty fanatics. Case in point: the Hello Kitty pedicure:
The mere fact that I not only know what this is and what it is used for should make me want to end my life. Unforetunatley, the pain doesn’t end there. My wife has actually tried to put Hello Kitty eggshell membrane oil on my face (see, your life doesn’t seem all that bad at the moment, does it?) which is positive proof that I live in Hello Kitty Hell:
One would assume that it would be difficult to make anything worse than the Hello Kitty head that has tormented cats (even dead ones), dogs (including those doubly unfortunate enough to belong to Perez Hilton), babies and those related to fanatics who somehow feel this is cute. On a similar note, it would seem nearly impossible to make your hair worse than by doing a Lady Gaga and shaping it into a giant bow. Of course, this would be highly underestimating the evil feline and her great ability to take two terrible ideas and meld them together to make something far worse. Case in point, I introduce the Hello Kitty wig:
The thing that I fear most in Hello Kitty Hell is when my wife and I have kids. It’s an absolutely no win situation, first and foremost, because she will want to have the baby conceived in a Hello Kitty bondage room and delivered in a Hello Kitty maternity ward. If it’s a baby boy, he’s going to have to grow up dealing with Hello Kitty all around. If it’s a baby girl, well, suffice to say that all Hello Kitty Hell will break loose and my current situation will seem mild by comparison. That’s because things like Hello Kitty beauty pageants for kids exist:
I would basically like to wipe the entire Hello Kitty MAC cosmetic line — and the advertising they did — completely from my mind due to the traumatizing effect it caused that I’m still recovering from. It’s difficult to have a positive outlook on life when you have seen the MAC make-up video and S&M Hello Kitty men. So it is no surprise that the artwork signage for MAC also leaves one shaking their head wondering what type of drugs the people were taking that came up with the entire concept. Maybe they took a few too many tokes from the Hello Kitty Louis Vuitton bong or got hold of some of that Hello Kitty cocaine…
Sent in by too many people – stop sending MAC stuff – the campaign is over and let’s leave it that way for everybody’s sanity…
Let me state for the record that I really hate fashion magazines. It has nothing to do with the heroin addict thin models that grace the pages and the unrealistic “perfect” body image that they send to those that read them. I hate them for a much more basic reason. From time to time, the editors of these magazines get the ludicrous idea (or, more likely, get their palms greased with lots of Hello Kitty money) that doing photo shoots where male models wear evil feline crap like stickers on their face is a good idea and pretend that it’s a fashionable new trend:
While all things Hello Kitty defy logic, some of them defy logic more than others. A prime example of the latter is the Hello Kitty hair salon:
The thing that is so annoying with Hello Kitty fanatics is that they take things too literally. Most people who buy makeup use it as it is supposed to be used. Not Hello Kitty fanatics. When a Hello Kitty fanatic buys Hello Kitty makeup, they think that they are actually supposed to draw a Hello Kitty with it:
You knew that it would eventually have to happen. Having already Hello Kittified virtually every real gadget out there, the evil feline has decided that it’s necessary to take the next logical step in her plot to take over the world — invent random gadgets that make no sense at all, but which she knows thousands of loyal Hello Kitty fans will buy because it has been Hello Kitty branded. There is no other explanation that can be rendered for the Hello Kitty skin analyser:
Any normal person would assume that MAC coming out with a full Hello Kitty line of cosmetics would be as bad as something could get — until they viewed the MAC Hello Kitty video whereupon they would reflect on their naivety and concede that it had just gotten worse (but assume that it had now gotten as bad as it could). Of course, this greatly underestimates the lengths that the evil feline will go to make sure that all normal people are always wrong with their assumption that it can’t get worse. A perfect point to illustrate: The Hello Kitty MAC male Hello Kitty model
