Beauty – Page 3 – Hello Kitty Hell

Hello Kitty MAC Make-Up Video

February 13, 2009 by onezero

I really didn’t think that there would be anything more disturbing about the Hello Kitty MAC cosmetic line than the line itself, but that once again shows that I haven’t learned that the evil feline can always make things worse. If you have any doubt, take a look at this video (be warned, once you’ve seen it you can’t erase it from your brain):

Hello Kitty MAC Cosmetics

January 20, 2009 by onezero

I have absolutely no desire to write about this and would rather completely ban them from my mind, but the readers here obviously have no intention of letting me do that. Now that the emails are coming in at several a day, I’m simply posting this so that the emails stop! For anyone that doesn’t know, MAC is coming out with a line of Hello Kitty cosmetics:

Hello Kitty Hair

December 15, 2008 by onezero

While I hate virtually all the Hello Kitty email that I receive, I especially hate emails that give my wife ideas that she hasn’t thought about before. For example, Hello Kitty hair:

Tongue Stud

August 5, 2008 by onezero

There are many things wrong in the Hello Kitty universe which is readily apparent by simply going through a few posts on this blog, but there are some that are worse than others. I categorize the Hello Kitty tongue stud as one of these:

Hello Kitty Baby Perfume

July 30, 2008 by onezero

Sometimes when I see new Hello Kitty products, I think that Sanrio must actually be running out of things to Hello Kittify since there is no other explanation as to why some of these things are made. That, and the overwhelming focus that it’s never too early to indoctrinate the child masses into the Sanrio cult, is why you have products like Hello Kitty Baby perfume:

Hello Kitty Sexy Nightmare

February 6, 2008 by onezero

I know it’s going to be a really bad Hello Kitty Hell day when something like this arrives in my mailbox. Seriously, this is what my nightmares are made of:

This is just so wrong on so many different levels that I don’t even have words to describe how much it scares me. The worst part being that Hello Kitty fanatics think that this is sexy and would be something that would turn men on. Damn, I’m not going to be able to sleep well for the rest of the month now with this image branded into my brain and I will fear walking in the door for even longer on the chance that this has given some type of inspiration to my wife. Once again, Hello Kitty Hell proves it can always get worse…

Sent in by devin who should have to date a woman just like this for the rest of his life (and even after death) for the trauma caused when I saw this and for thinking for even an instant that sending this to me would be a good idea…

Hello Kitty Hot and Sexy

January 17, 2008 by onezero

I’ve grown used to getting email from Hello Kitty fans that take issue with my disgust of Hello Kitty to the point that they even wish death upon me, but this email was a change of pace. It is the first time I have received an email telling me that I don’t appreciate the “sexiness” and “hotness” of Hello Kitty:

in your hello kitty daze of hate, you fail to realize that hello kitty is the sexiest thing ever. there is nothing hotter than a girl dressed in only a hello kitty t-shirt and panties. Check these out!! hello kitty in all her sexiness. there is no way that you can say you hate hello kitty after seeing these!!

Here are the photos attached with the email:

Despite the urgings of the email, I still found myself in the bathroom relieving myself of caloric intake from the afternoon meal. There is something very wrong when Hello Kitty and sex appeal mix that should be obvious, but apparently some people don’t see. Furthermore, if it is Hello Kitty that is turning you on and not the woman herself, then you have created your own Hello Kitty Hell.

But in all fairness, I will let the readers judge since I do live in Hello Kitty Hell which does tend to warp perceptions when everything comes to you in shades of pink. Do these photos, because of the Hello Kitty theme, mean that Hello Kitty doesn’t have to be Hell or is this simply another attempt by the evil feline to brainwash every last soul into thinking that there can be times when Hello Kitty “isn’t all that bad?”

Sent in by greg who deserves to spend his life with a Hello Kitty fanatic for thinking that sending me these photos would be a good idea or that they would somehow relieve me from Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty Deodorant

December 19, 2007 by onezero

The fact that Sanrio makes a Hello Kitty douche pretty much assured that a Hello Kitty deodorant existed and now, of course, my wife is looking for it.

There are a couple of classic signs that it is Hello Kitty. It’s marked “limited edition” at the top – who else besides Sanrio would come up with the idea of limited edition deodorant? You know that limited edition deodorant would never fly with any other brand in the world and you also know that the Hello Kitty fanatics are drooling all over themselves wanting it. Then there is the description that the spray is “air petals” – which is so classic Hello Kitty sweetness that it makes my stomach churn, a chill go up my spine and makes me want to vomit.

Of course, my wife sees it from a completely different point of view: “Wouldn’t it be wonderful that you could smell Hello Kitty everyday?” Between having to eat Hello Kitty food, see Hello Kitty everywhere I go, listen to the Hello Kitty theme song on crappy speakers and touch Hello Kitty at times when one should never have to touch her, we might as well make it all five senses and make me suffer with the Smell of Hello Kitty on a daily basis as well. Would you expect anything less in Hello Kitty Hell…?

Sent in by Marcus who should have to wear this Hello Kitty deodorant himself for even considering it would be a good idea to send this to me…

Hello Kitty Skin Water

October 4, 2007 by onezero

It’s bad enough that Sanrio is able to sell Hello Kitty bottled water, but why stop when you have a good thing going? Apparently if bottling water with the evil feline on the front for drinking sells well, then bottling water with Hello Kitty on the front to splash on your skin would be even more successful. Thus, the invention of Hello Kitty skin water:

As a guy, if this was just plain old skin water I would be asking “why in the world would anyone need this?” but since Hello Kitty adorns the front of the package, I have no doubt that it is nothing more than another inventive product from the minds of Sanrio to make my life more Hellish.

Of course, my wife insists otherwise. “Hello Kitty skin water is refreshing and makes my skin healthier.” I’m tempted to replace the water that comes in the bottles with plain old tap water, but know that no matter what the results (if I was right and she didn’t notice and I told her what I did or if she noticed right away), I’d end up on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag…

Nails

May 18, 2007 by onezero

I don’t get it (what a big surprise there) – why do women think it’s cute to have Hello Kitty on the ends of their fingers? Some more nails that my wife “just has to have”

I have nightmares about things like this…you know those ghost stories where a single hand comes after you? It becomes exponentially more scary when there are Hello Kitty press on finger nails on the end of the hand coming after you (bet you don’t want to even imagine something that horrifying, but that is my everyday Hello Kitty Hell…)

Sent in by Dominique from a BBC news website about a Tokyo beauty show – who should definitely be forced to wear those hideous things for the rest of the year…

Update: Doesn’t matter the pattern, Hello Kitty nails don’t ever get any better (via Cookiee46)