Clothes

Hello Kitty For Men

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Stop! Take your hand off the mouse and don’t even think of clicking the “send” on the email to let me know about Hello Kitty for Men – yes, I’m fully aware that they exist, and (unfortunately) I have been for a few months now:

Hello Kitty for men

While the entire concept of Hello Kitty for men is disturbing, the emails themselves have been just as disturbing. First and foremost, there is something seriously wrong when I log into my email account and have 62 emails informing me about this news. This not to mention the people who have left the link in various threads on the blog.

Think about this for a minute — 62 readers read about something Hello Kitty and for some inexplicable reason thought it would be a good idea to send me an email about it. That in itself shows the Hello Kitty Hell I live in…

I have grown to expect emails from clueless Hello Kitty fanatics that somehow think that, despite the name of my blog and what I write about the evil feline, that I get excited about stuff like this. They have distorted their world view so much that they believe that I would feel the Hello Kitty for Men concept is a good thing:

“Have you heard?? Sanrio is going to be debuting a line of HK products for men! Isn’t that awesome!?”

“Hello Kitty was made for men. I’m buying these for all the guys I know. Your wife will be too!”

While it’s disturbing that anyone would view this as a good thing, these are typical emails that one expects when living in Hello Kitty Hell. What was surprising this time around was the glee that seemed to accompany many of the emails of what this would mean for me. While many began with sympathy for my Hello Kitty Hell, they eventually showed their true colors of being enthusiastic about the further pain and suffering this was bound to cause.

“Dude, guess your life sucks more. Can’t wait to see photos.”

“I know you hate Hello Kitty, but your wife is going to love these and torture you more with them.”

“These are the ugliest things ever, but get used to it because it’s going to be your new wardrobe.”

“Welcome to your doom.”

I’m not sure if it is a good psychological sign that in addition to the Hello Kitty fanatics who seem unfathomably compelled to read this blog, there are also a good number of readers who get a sense of satisfaction and happiness from my Hello Kitty Hell. Or as one reader aptly wrote about Hello Kitty for men:

“Sure, my life sucks. But not as much as yours.”

Yep, that pretty much sums up Hello Kitty Hell…

PS – in the time it took me to write this post, 3 more emails informing me about this news arrived in my account…

Hello Kitty Underwear

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While I find everything Hello Kitty disturbing, there are some things that turn up the disturbed barometer a bit more than others. I’m still having trouble figuring out if this Hello Kitty underwear that Sanrio is producing in multiple patterns is for boys or girls:

Hello Kitty underwear

Hello Kitty underwear

In either case, they are just plain wrong. And a closer look tells you just how wrong they are. What exactly is Hello Kitty trying to sell here?

Hello Kitty underwear

Yes, you read that correctly. This is Hello Kitty kid’s underwear with “Juicy and Sweet” right across the crotch and the question “Want a bite?” directly above. I’m not too sure how appropriate that is for adult underwear, let alone children’s. Then again, it doesn’t seem like Sanrio is having much of a problem selling adult themed products masquerading as something else these days…

Hello Kitty Men's Fashion

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It appears that Sanrio has decided to really make my life Hell by introducing a Hello Kitty men’s fashion line that consists of T-shirts, boxers, bags, sports wear and watches.

Hello Kitty men's fashion

I find all the Hello Kitty photos I receive disturbing, but then there are those that I find disturbing on multiple levels.

1. It was emailed to me by someone who has their blog hosted by Sanrio. I realize (although I still have a difficult time understanding why – must be another of those Hello Kitty fanatic things) that there are a number of Hello Kitty fans that frequent this blog, but it appears that Hello Kitty fans now feel that a mention on my blog will drive traffic to their Hello Kitty blog and the people who go will like it. In other words, there are enough Hello Kitty fans that come to this blog that blogs on the official Sanrio site want to be mentioned here which I find quite disturbing.

2. Sanrio believes there is a big enough market out there to begin a male fashion line. I find this extremely disturbing.

3. My wife is going to take one look at this stuff and decide it is exactly what I need and it will start to show up on our doorstep in the next few weeks as “gifts” for me. I find this to be take out the knife and begin slitting my wrists disturbing.

Although I am not a big conspiracy theorist, I’m beginning to get the feeling that Sanrio has set up a special department with the exclusive mandate to try and make my life more Hello Kitty Hellish than it already is…

Hello Kitty Boyfriend

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It’s bad enough that Hello Kitty fanatics feel it is okay to dress up cats and dogs as Hello Kitty, but you know you’re in real trouble when they feel it is appropriate to dress you up as Hello Kitty as this poor soul found out:

Hello Kitty boyfriend

I want to scream and shout at him to run for his life, but if he has endured until this point, there is no hope for him. I’m sure that he will be seeking to write a column on this blog in the not too distant future. My wife thinks that he is wonderful. “Look at how he shares his love of Hello Kitty with his girlfriend. You could learn from him…” I was tempted to remind her that she had to do this to him while he was sleeping, but didn’t want to place the thought into her mind that it might be a good thing to do to me, too.

His only saving grace is that his girlfriend had the decency to block out his face so he wouldn’t be ridiculed by all of his co-workers and friends for the rest of his life. My wife would have done no such thing she says. “You should be proud to show off your love of Hello Kitty if you’re male or female. Hello Kitty loves everyone the same.” And she wonders why I won’t let her do something like that to me…

The new Hello Kitty Hell concern is that my wife has embraced the idea of dressing me up while I’m sleeping. She hasn’t mentioned it specifically (and as I mentioned, I didn’t want to give her any ideas), but she had that Hello Kitty Hell twinkle in her eye as she looked at it and that can only mean trouble. Just one more worry to add to all the rest living in Hello Kitty Hell…

From xina in the comments, who really should have to wear the Hello Kitty head gear herself everyday for the rest of her life for any ideas she has given my wife…

Hello Kitty Plush Dress (again)

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There is a lot about Hello Kitty that scares me, and then there are Hello Kitty items that absolutely petrify me:

Hello Kitty plush dress

Apparently the Hello Kitty plush couture dress didn’t remain on the runway. It takes something pretty hideous that is able to both terrify and be just plain wrong at the same time. How anyone, including Hello Kitty fanatics, could still think this is a “cute idea” after seeing a photo like this is beyond me (but then again, so is all the Hello Kitty stuff). I’m going to be having Hello Kitty Hell nightmares tonight…

Thanks to darren who located this photo and should be forced to date someone that wears this dress weekly for terrifying me with it…

Hello Kitty Etch-A-Sketch Purse

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One of the many traits of Hello Kitty is that she will adopt and ruin the coolest of things in order to brand them the Hello Kitty way. That is exactly what she decided to do when making the Hello Kitty Etch-A-Sketch:

Hello Kitty Etch-A-Sketch Purse

These were totally cool toys when I was a kid and to see a Hello Kitty version of it just makes me sick to my stomach. Worse, they didn’t just brand a Etch-A-Sketch with Hello Kitty, but actually put it on a purse to try and make it into a fashion statement. I don’t know if I should be more upset with Etch-A-Sketch for selling out or Sanrio for even conceiving such an idea.

Of course, my wife had to get one the moment she saw it. “Won’t it be so cute to be able to draw pictures when I’m sitting around bored? I can even Etch-A-Sketch Hello Kitty!” Just thinking about her in the Hello Kitty plush dress, wearing Hello Kitty high heels and carry this Hello Kitty Etch-A-Sketch bag while going to the Hello Kitty musical pretty much is an ultimate image of Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty Couture

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I know that it is going to be a truly Hello Kitty Hellish day when my wife screams, “OMG!! You’ve got to come here and look at this!!!! It is soooooo cute!” I should have learned by now when those words exit my wife’s mouth, the only logical course of action is to induce some life threatening injury to myself and hope that I die before I am forced to see whatever hideous Hello Kitty item has made her squeal with such joy. Alas, somewhere my mind makes a grave judgemental error and stops me from doing the merciful thing by rationalizing that Hello Kitty Hell can’t possible get any worse than it already is. That, of course, is proven to be incorrect time and again and I realize that death would have been a lot less painful than having to see and hear about yet another Hello Kitty item.

This is especially true when it comes to Hello Kitty fashion. There is something that makes Hello Kitty fanatics believe that anything Hello Kitty makes clothes look cute, while the rest of us simply want to vomit when seeing it. I can’t think of a better example than this monstrosity which my wife thinks is absolutely fabulous:

Hello Kitty runway fashion

I know, I know. You’re looking at that and saying to yourself that it must be a Halloween party costume or something (while valiantly trying to keep the food in your stomach). Any normal person has to make an assumption like this because it is simply too difficult to perceive that anyone, even a Hello Kitty fanatic, could view something like this as high fashion. Unfortunately, it is all too real…

So as you sit looking at your computer in disbelief, rejoice in that fact that you are not living with someone that actually is searching for one of these and has decided that if she can’t find one, she will make one herself (see, I knew a self inflicted wound and quick death — or even a long, drawn out death — would have been less painful…) And pray that the next time my wife shouts those words, I have enough sense to put myself out of my Hello Kitty Hell misery…

Hello Kitty Bowling Shoes

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One of the worst things about blogging about Hello Kitty Hell is that as soon as I put something up, I start receiving emails with photos attached for other things that my wife will want associated with whatever was just posted. I’ve already explained that my wife doesn’t bowl, so why would she need Hello Kitty bowling shoes in addition to the useless Hello Kitty bowling balls?

Hello Kitty bowling shoes

Hello Kitty bowling shoes

Hello Kitty bowling shoes

Of course, my wife thinks these are the cutest things in the world and wants to add them to her Hello Kitty Converse high tops and Hello Kitty heels. “OMG!!! Those are the cutest things ever!” (here’s a question for all you Hello Kitty fanatics: how can everything Hello Kitty be the “cutest thing ever” ? – I know, I know, one of those things that doesn’t make sense to anyone except Hello Kitty fanatics because it doesn’t make any sense at all…)

Just another typical hellish day in Hello Kitty Hell…

Thanks to hellogina who not only should have to wear these everyday, but also have one of the Hello Kitty bowling balls dropped on her foot for emailing these photos…

Hello Kitty Brief Underwear

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Yep, just what every guy wants – some tighty whiteys with Hello Kitty all over them:

Hello Kitty briefs

I think that these are actually made with the thought that females would be wearing them. With the possible exception of my wife who had the bright idea that they would be a good addition to my Hello Kitty boxers), I can’t imagine that anyone would actually think that a guy would want to wear them. Remember how your mom always told you not to wear dirty underwear in case you got into an accident and had to go to the hospital (or was that just my mom)? That is exactly what went through my mind when I saw these…

I didn’t imagine that the underwear department could get any worse than those boxers, but that is what I get for underestimating Hello Kitty Hell and what it can dream up in the form of underwear…