Hello Kitty Toaster

I have absolutely no idea why the Hello Kitty toaster is such a popular appliance with Hello Kitty fanatics (quit sending photos of it to me!). There really is nothing that’s more dreadful than having Hello Kitty staring back at you in the morning when you still aren’t awake, especially when it is accompanied by a squeal of “how cute it is” when it is placed before you.

I’ve been avoiding writing anything about it simply because having to stare at Hello Kitty toast each morning pretty much is the limit anyone can take in regards to thinking about it each day:

Hello Kitty toaster

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Hello Kitty Anna Paquin Beach Cruiser

It’s never a good day when a celebrity is caught showing off some type of Hello Kitty product and then that photo is sent to me. In the mind of the Hello Kitty fanatic, this somehow legitimizes Hello Kitty. This is my wife’s reasoning — if Anna Paquin is riding around on her Hello Kitty beach cruiser, that must mean that Hello Kitty beach cruisers are cool because even the celebrities want to ride around on them:

Hello Kitty Anna Paquin beach cruiser

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Hello Kitty Netbook

I should have learned by now that it’s never a good idea to make a random comment about something I want since I live in Hello Kitty Hell. I have been doing more traveling lately which has had me thinking that I really need to buy a netbook so I don’t have to haul around my clunky laptop where ever I go. I mentioned this to my wife who took it upon herself to research and inform me of the Hello Kitty netbooks out there that would be perfect for me and which she wants to buy for me as a gift:

hello kitty netbook

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Wii Dance Pad

Once again showing that she can’t keep her claws off of anything that is remotely popular, Hello Kitty seems to have set her sights on the Nintendo Wii gaming system. The people at Sanrio know that there is absolutely no way that any Hello Kitty fanatic will be able to resist the Hello Kitty Wii dance pad:

Hello Kitty Wii Dance Mat

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Hello Kitty Taser Gun

Note: Sanrio legal counsel has contacted me because they realize that their fans are not bright enough to know what is an official Sanrio product and what is not. They didn’t feel that this would be a problem until the fans started contacting them directly, and they soon realized how painful it was to actually have to converse with a fanatic, and not even they had the patience to actually do this. As a result, they sent out a notice to me begging for me to take down my posts about guns that had the evil feline on them just so they didn’t have to ever correspond with the fanatics again. When I explained that they brought it on themselves, they pleaded that I spare them the torture that they inflict on me on a daily basis and asked me to post the following, Since I actually have a conscience, here is what they have to say:

Sanrio® has informed us that Sanrio is not involved in the manufacture or sale of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, and does not allow Hello Kitty® to be used to market guns or weapons. The items shown in this post are either digitally fabricated images or were custom-decorated without Sanrio’s permission. Sanrio alleges that creating false digitized images of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, or custom-decorating a real gun or weapon with Hello Kitty art, infringes Sanrio’s copyrights and trademarks, and may violate criminal laws.

And onto the original post…

Because nothing shows the true cuteness and sweet side of Hello Kitty — and the love and happiness she brings to all — as 50,000 volts of electricity streaming through your body:

hello-kitty-taser

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Hello Kitty Skin Meter

You knew that it would eventually have to happen. Having already Hello Kittified virtually every real gadget out there, the evil feline has decided that it’s necessary to take the next logical step in her plot to take over the world — invent random gadgets that make no sense at all, but which she knows thousands of loyal Hello Kitty fans will buy because it has been Hello Kitty branded. There is no other explanation that can be rendered for the Hello Kitty skin analyser:

hello-kitty-skin-analyser

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Hello Kitty Lineman's Handset Telephone

What happens when you have a Hello Kitty fanatic that’s a techie who needs a graduation gift and a boyfriend too clueless to know that encouraging the Hello Kitty fanatic is worse than playing with radioactive material? You get something not very pretty like this Hello Kitty Lineman’s Handset:

hello-kitty-linemans-handset

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Hello Kitty Lawnmower

Although I have suspected it for some time, I am now convinced that there is a special unit at Sanrio that makes Hello Kitty items with the sole purpose being to irritate the hell out of the significant others of Hello Kitty fanatics. In fact, it would not surprise me if they have it nicknamed the “Hello Kitty Hell” department and basically start each day with the mantra, “How can we make Mr. HKH’s life even more miserable?” I have come to this conclusion because there is no possible way that something like the Hello Kitty lawnmower would ever come into existence without such a department:

Hello Kitty lawnmower

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