Hello Kitty Car Window Sprayer

It’s when your wife starts coming home with things like this that you know that Hello Kitty has infiltrated absolutely every product that exists (except beer and pizza which I’m sure is just a matter of time): This is a Hello Kitty car window spray cover device:

Hello Kitty car window sprayer

Now not only do I have to look out the car window at Hello Kitty, I get to watch her spit a flowing stream of water at my face. Somehow that definitely seems appropriate for a Hello Kitty Hell product…

Hello Kitty Porsche

Why does this not surprise me? I post about a Hello Kitty car and a few hours later I have a photo of a Hello Kitty Porsche in my email inbox. While not quite as overdone as the Hello Kitty Ferrari, this is obviously another photoshopped car. Of course, this has little effect on my wife. She likes it. Which puts me into the ultimate Hello Kitty man quandary. I have a wife that will happily let me purchase a Ferrari or a Porsche (now what man wouldn’t like to have that spousal support), but only if it is Hello Kitty themed (sure puts a damper on that first point). Maybe our current car that is slowly being Hello Kittified isn’t as bad as I first thought…(a sure sign that Hello Kitty Hell has progressed far beyond the safe level…)

Hello Kitty Porsche

Thanks (I think) to devon

Hello Kitty Car

You know there is something wrong when you start getting emails from people wondering when you are going to update Hello Kitty Hell. This wouldn’t be a bad thing if the people wanting the update were those that disliked Hello Kitty, but these are Hello Kitty fans. I will state right now that if you are getting withdrawal symptoms because you aren’t getting enough updates from a blog named Hello Kitty Hell, you’re way too into Hello Kitty. Do a favor to yourself (and your partner) and seek help right away…I suggest a 10 step Hello Kitty anonymous program.

You also know there is something seriously wrong when you have over 50 emails of Hello Kitty photos sitting in your email from people that think you need to see more Hello Kitty items. My email inbox is beginning to resemble my house. This is definitely not a good thing.

Take, for example, this Hello Kitty car:

Hello Kitty car

Hello Kitty car inside

Hello Kitty car doors

My only saving grace at this point is that my wife feels that this Hello Kitty car is “too small” – that’s not to say she doesn’t want a fully decked out Hello Kitty car, she just wants a BIG one (which she is slowly doing to our current car…). The problem, of course, is that at some point I know I’m going to hear that we need a second car and this will certainly be in the running. There really should be some universal law that Hello Kitty and cars are not allowed to mix…

Thanks gemma (I think) for the link to carview

Update: Was there ever any doubt that these would be more?

hello kitty car pink

Sent in by Jenny O.

Hello Kitty Scooter Helmet

Old nightmares are coming back to haunt me now that we have returned to Japan. I mentioned awhile back that my wife was thinking about getting a Hello Kitty scooter for errands around the house, but that potentially disastrous Hello Kitty Hell situation was forgotten when we moved to the US. Now that we’re back in Japan, the Hello Kitty scooter nightmare is once again coming closer to reality. I didn’t realize how close, however, until a package arrived in the mail today,

Although we don’t have a scooter yet, we do have a brand new shiny Hello Kitty scooter helmet:

Hello Kitty scooter helmet

Hello Kitty scooter helmet front

Having lived in Hello Kitty Hell as long as I have, I expect things to be bad to some degree. The thought of riding a Hello Kitty scooter is just downright embarrassing, but to be wearing a Hello Kitty Helmet on top of that is a shame that pretty much ranks up there with the worst Hello Kitty Hell has had to offer thus far (although I never underestimate that there is something Hello Kitty out there that could make it worse). With the Helmet already purchased, it’s only a matter of time before that scooter ends up outside our place and Hello Kitty Hell will reach yet another whole new level…

Update: You thought there would just be one?

hello kitty helmet

Sent in by weistar

hello kitty pink helmet

Sent in by clara

Hello Kitty Car Lights

The Hello Kittification of our car continues at far too fast a pace. It would not surprise me in the least bit if a car could be built from scratch using only Hello Kitty parts or that somewhere, someone is selling a Hello Kitty modified engine.

While I had first assumed that the automotive area of the store would provide me some escape from my Hello Kitty Hell, it has been proved time and again to be the exact opposite. In fact now when we go to the store, I do my best to keep my wife away from the automotive section because if she manages to get there, it will mean a new Hello Kitty addition to our car. Which is exactly what happened this morning when my wife discovered the Hello Kitty car lights:

Hello Kitty car lights

Hello Kitty car lights

Yes, these are actually to replace your parking lights with a Hello Kitty glow in one of 4 colors. The only saving grace for my Hello Kitty Hell is that the size is wrong for our car. It’s probably a short lived victory, however. With the enthusiasm my wife had when finding them, it can only be a matter of time before they expand the line-up to include our car as well…

Update: An unfortunate instance of one of these actually being used:

Sent in by anonymous

Hello Kitty Steering Wheel Cover

It should go without saying at this point that Hello Kitty Hell produces dichotomy in my daily life. While the Hello Kitty food would lead one to believe I would gain a great amount of weight, the car that is getting the Hello Kitty make over produces the opposite effect and keeps my weight in check. How does a car keep my weight in check?

wife: “I want you to come to the home improvement store today to help me carry the things I need back.”

me: “OK. I’ll walk and meet you there” (secretly thinking: Am I going to have to ride in the Hello Kitty mobile?)

wife: “The home improvement shop is 7 miles away. That’s too far to walk”

me: “No problem, I’ll run…”

These are the types of conversations I have when the thought of getting into the ever increasingly Hello Kitty decked out car comes to mind. I find that to avoid getting into the car, I’m walking/running all over town (maybe there is a Hello Kitty Hell diet book somewhere in there…) The latest addition to the car came in the form of a steering wheel cover:

Hello Kitty steering wheel cover

Hello Kitty steering wheel cover pink

Now, you know that Hello Kitty Hell has set in when you actually are thankful that the Hello Kitty steering wheel cover is merely pink and not covered in feathers all around the the Hello Kitty computer. I actually almost heard myself saying, “oh, that’s not too bad” before I came to my senses and realised it was a freaking Hello Kitty steering wheel cover. I mean, who in their right mind would ever want to have a Hello Kitty steering wheel cover?

Update: ktdelight was nice enough to let me know I will likely endure more Hello Kitty steering wheel cover hell as there is also a silver version available:

Hello Kitty steering wheel cover silver

Hello Kitty Baby Car Seat

While I do complain a lot about being in Hello Kitty Hell, I know that it will become 1000 times worse if we ever have a baby girl. If we have a baby boy, I’m afraid that he will be scarred for life even before he knows how to talk. But even though we don’t have kids at the moment, that doesn’t stop my wife from showing me all the baby things she wants to have when we do.

When I look at some of the things that they make Hello Kitty style for babies, I think that it is probably a good thing that I spend half the time on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag alone. I view each of these items with both a sense of relief (that we don’t have it) and dread (there is a good chance that one day we will have it).

Today’s email attachment was for this Hello Kitty baby car seat:

Hello Kitty baby car seat

You know you’re in Hello Kitty Hell when your only hope is if they come out with Hello Kitty birth control…

Hello Kitty Car Security System

While Hello Kitty Hell hasn’t reached the point where we have a Hello Kitty car (it’s not that my wife doesn’t want one, just that the Hello Kitty cars tend to be small…if they ever come out with a medium sized Hello Kitty car, I’m in real trouble), she has been slowly, but surely turning our regular car into a Hello Kitty car. She has been doing this by adding all kinds of Hello Kitty items to our car, the latest being the Hello Kitty car security system.

Hello Kitty car security system

While all Hello Kitty is a waste of money in my opinion, this has to be right up there near the top. I mean, come on, who in their right mind would steal a car decked out in Hello Kitty?!? Another Hello Kitty fanatic? Wouldn’t that be un Hello Kittyish (see, Hello Kitty Hell makes you come up with new Hello Kitty words). Anyone who would steal it would probably end up having to pay someone to take it off their hands…I don’t see there being a big black market for Hello Kitty themed cars, but then again, nothing about Hello Kitty would surprise me these days…

Hello Kitty Scooter

It was bound to happen. My wife informed me that she thinks she needs a scooter to get around on the short errands around town. Of course, this sudden desire for a scooter just happened to coincide with a reader sending me this photo:

Hello Kitty Scooter
Now after seeing this, I bet you’ll be surprised that I actually look at the above scooter and think, “Well maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.” (as you can see, Hello Kitty Hell is beginning to warp my common sense) See, when you live in a Hello Kitty Hell, even things that a normal person would consider hideous start to look acceptable when I know what else is out there that my wife would surely want even more if she only knew it existed.

Take, for example this lovely clash of Louis Vuitton seat on a Hello Kitty scooter

Hello Kitty Scooter
Or even worse, look at this pink monstrosity 

Hello Kitty Scooter
Knowing that those two scooters (and most likely others that are comparable) exist, maybe you can see why I might start imagining the top scooter is the least evil option. In Hello Kitty Hell, however, it’s not that easy. Once my wife realized that there were multiple Hello Kitty scooter styles out there, it was inevitable that she would want to begin a collection and that is certainly not a new Hello Kitty hobby I want to be encouraging.

The fear doesn’t stop there. If my wife gets a scooter, you know what it will mean don’t you? I’ll be the one that has to ride it most of the time (you can imagine how I am cringing as I write this knowing that she will also buy a Hello Kitty helmet to go with it). While she believes that she needs it to run errands, the truth is that I end up running the vast majority of them and inevitably there will be a time where I would have to ride the damn thing. It’s not even reality at this time and I’m already getting sick to my stomach…

Update: The evil feline is never satisfied to leave well enough alone:

Hello Kitty scooter moped black face

Sent in by HKGuy

Hello Kitty License Plate

It seems that when people begin to read or hear about my Hello Kitty Hell, they tend to see more Hello Kitty all around them. When they do, of course they decide to share their finds with me. The above is a photo that Gasping For Breath came across after seeing the post about the Hello Kitty Ferrari:

Oh that reminds me. Right after you posted that pink car I wound up behind another Hello Kitty fan. And snapped a shot with my camera phone. Not as intense as the car your wife wants but …

Now most logical people would assume that snapping a photo like this would be innocent enough and not bring more wrath to my Hello Kitty world, but that would be highly underestimating the Hello Kitty fanatic. While obviously the car above doesn’t compare with the Hello Kitty Ferrari, that doesn’t mean that it can’t cause more trouble as the following conversation we had shows:

wife: “What’s that photo?”

me: “Nothing…”

wife: “That looks like Hello Kitty” (I think she has a radar about this stuff…I was on the computer all morning and she walks in the one minute I’m looking at a Hello Kitty photo)

me: “Yes…one of the members took a photo of a car she saw”

wife: “Hey, I want that license plate! How can we get that?!?” (can’t get personalized license plates like that in Japan)

me: “Sorry impossible” (lying through my teeth)

The problem, of course, is in the days to come when she finds out that it is possible to get such a license plate and may be just one more reason we won’t get a car in the US…