Hello Kitty by Swarovski

There are some things in life that when I see, I give thanks that I was somehow spared from the Hello Kitty Hellishness. That is exactly how I feel about this recent Hello Kitty by Swarovski event in Japan (prepare for 5 minutes of sickening sweetness if you dare to watch this video — I highly recommend you use common sense and don’t as this will save your mind from losing several IQ points)

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Hello Kitty Hermit Crab

It doesn’t take a huge leap of faith to figure out that if you lived an especially disgraceful previous life, chances are that you returned to earth as a pet of a Hello Kitty fanatic as punishment. Although I can’t imagine what type of evilness could constitute such a horrendous punishment, what Hello Kitty fanatics do to their poor pets is proof that their crimes must have been immense.

One would have thought this retribution was limited to those coming back as cats and dogs, although the fact that some poor bees got thrown into the mix (forcing them to kill themselves to escape the pain) should have been a hint that no animal was safe. The Hello Kitty hermit crab is more evidence to this fact:

Hermit crab with Hello Kitty shell

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Hello Kitty Spank My Kitty Tattoo

It has been shown time and again that Hello Kitty in herself is just plain wrong. Hello Kitty tattoos have a way of highlighting that wrongness in ways that make us all shake our heads in disbelief. Then, of course, there are tattoos that when seen are simply wrong in so many ways and there isn’t really much more to say. A perfect example:

Hello Kitty spank my kitty tattoo

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Hello Kitty Glasses

It can never be said that the evil feline doesn’t know how to compliment the atrocities she comes up with. One would have imagined that once the Hello Kitty contacts came out, she had done as much damage as she could with the eyes of Hello Kitty fanatics. Of course, that would underestimate how much Hello Kitty loves to produce atrocities as can plainly be seen with the Hello Kitty glasses:

Hello Kitty eye glasses

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Hello Kitty Urinal Cakes

There aren’t many things covered with the evil feline’s face that I can get into, but anything that allows me to piss on Hello Kitty is far better than most of the other crap that invades my life. For example, if I have a choice of all the Hello Kitty crap at target or a Hello Kitty urinal target, I would obviously choose the latter. Along the same lines, if I have a choice between a Hello Kitty pregnant cake and Hello Kitty urinal cakes, I’d go for the cake that allows me to relieve myself on them with a plausible defense so there is a slight possibility I might avoid getting sent to the couch to sleep in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag for the rest of the month:

Hello Kitty pink urinal cakes

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Hello Kitty Popsicles

I guess it was a far too hopeful for me to wish that Hello Kitty could ever be satisfied with the torture that she unleashed on all the significant others of Hello Kitty fanatics with her horrifying Hello Kitty ice-cream because she decided for some unfathomable reason that she also needed a Hello Kitty popsicle version:

Hello Kitty Nestle popsicles

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Hello Kitty Gingerbread Raisin Cookies

The biggest problem with posting any type of food on this blog (such as yesterday’s Hello Kitty pretzels) is that Hello Kitty fanatics feel it’s somehow their duty in life to send me more Hello Kitty food atrocities. Thus I have things like Hello Kitty gingerbread raisin cookies show up to ensure that I continue to live in Hello Kitty Hell and fear every type of food out there.

Hello Kitty gingerbread alien cookies

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