When it comes to Hello Kitty food, one would logically conclude that it really couldn’t get much worse than Hello Kitty instant ramen, but of course this assumption would be coming from someone that doesn’t really know the evil feline. Not satisfied with only the freeze dry ramen noodle market, Hello Kitty has branched off in an attempt to corner the canned ramen noodle market as well:
Hello Kitty Skin Meter
You knew that it would eventually have to happen. Having already Hello Kittified virtually every real gadget out there, the evil feline has decided that it’s necessary to take the next logical step in her plot to take over the world — invent random gadgets that make no sense at all, but which she knows thousands of loyal Hello Kitty fans will buy because it has been Hello Kitty branded. There is no other explanation that can be rendered for the Hello Kitty skin analyser:
Hello Kitty Dog Hip Dysplasia Orthopedic Brace
You really have to feel sorry for dogs that end up in Hello Kitty fanatic homes. Whether they are putting you in Hello Kitty dog clothes, placing a Hello Kitty muzzle over your nose, putting you in a Hello Kitty doghouse, placing a Hello Kitty head over your own or forcing you to get a Hello Kitty tattoo, life pretty much sucks all the way around. Of course, a Hello Kitty fanatic won’t stop there. When you’re old and you can no longer walk on your own, your owner will promptly embarrass you to no end by getting you a Hello Kitty dysplasia orthopedic brace:
Hello Kitty Politics Credit Card
While it’s never good when Hello Kitty shows up on TV, it is double troubling when she shows up in a political debate on TV. When your political leaders feel it’s necessary to use Hello Kitty to make any point, you know it’s pretty much time to give up on the world ever being a hospitable place for any normal living being to dwell:
Hello Kitty Pregnant Belly Art
Hello Kitty Suicide Art Series
While I would much rather not have anything Hello Kitty end up in my email, that is an impossibility when you live in Hello Kitty Hell. Part of the daily torture is waking up each day to see Hello Kitty in all her evilness sent in by too many people with far too much extra time on their hands.
That being said, not all Hello Kitty emails are equal. If I had to choose the Hello Kitty crap sent to me (and let’s face it, if Hello Kitty is on it, is should be considered crap), I would much prefer emails such as the Hello Kitty suicide art series:
Hello Kitty Body Shaped Mineral Water
Hello Kitty Beer
Hello Kitty Hell just got a whole lot worse…There was a time when I said that the only two things that that had yet to be Hello Kittified were pizza and beer. Of course, the Hello Kitty pizza showed up in my mailbox pretty quickly after that, but the Hello Kitty beer had remained more elusive until now:
Hello Kitty Lady Gaga Hair Bow
When you live in Hello Kitty Hell, you soon learn that there are way too many people that actually want to be Hello Kitty, so I guess that it really shouldn’t be a surprise that people would do something like take their hair and make it into a Hello Kitty bow:
Hello Kitty Bloody Knife Wielding Tattoo
It’s been awhile since our last Hello Kitty tattoo (although there have been far to many sent my way – if you have any doubt that Hello Kitty fanatics take things just a bit too far, all you need to do is see all the Hello Kitty tattoos out there), and even though there can be no such things as a “good” Hello Kitty tattoo, at least I can show one that brings out the true spirit of the evil feline — a bloody knife wielding Hello Kitty tattoo: