Hello Kitty Shotgun

Note: Sanrio legal counsel has contacted me because they realize that their fans are not bright enough to know what is an official Sanrio product and what is not. They didn’t feel that this would be a problem until the fans started contacting them directly, and they soon realized how painful it was to actually have to converse with a fanatic, and not even they had the patience to actually do this. As a result, they sent out a notice to me begging for me to take down my posts about guns that had the evil feline on them just so they didn’t have to ever correspond with the fanatics again. When I explained that they brought it on themselves, they pleaded that I spare them the torture that they inflict on me on a daily basis and asked me to post the following, Since I actually have a conscience, here is what they have to say:

Sanrio® has informed us that Sanrio is not involved in the manufacture or sale of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, and does not allow Hello Kitty® to be used to market guns or weapons. The items shown in this post are either digitally fabricated images or were custom-decorated without Sanrio’s permission. Sanrio alleges that creating false digitized images of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, or custom-decorating a real gun or weapon with Hello Kitty art, infringes Sanrio’s copyrights and trademarks, and may violate criminal laws.

And onto the original post…

I guess with all the other types of Hello Kitty guns that are out there, it shouldn’t be a surprise that there is also a Hello Kitty shotgun (with Hello Kitty shotgun shells and other various Hello Kitty bullets as well…)

Hello Kitty shotgun

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Hello Kitty Piano

In Hello Kitty’s never ending quest to always make things worse than she already has, she has moved beyond the Hello Kitty roll up piano and decided to brand a full size piano as well…

Hello Kitty piano

No, your eyes are not deceiving you. It does actually look like someone downed several bottles of Pepto Bismol and then decided to regurgitate it up all over their piano (which is quite ironic since that is the exact thing that I want to do when I look at this), but this is what Hello Kitty (and her fanatic followers) believe is a “cute” color.

Of course, because of its extreme cuteness (did you know that you can tell how cute a Hello Kitty fanatic thinks an item of the evil feline is by how high their voice goes when they tell you how cute it is? If you did, then you have passed one of the many tests that let you know you live in Hello Kitty Hell and I send my deepest sympathies) my wife thinks that this would be something that would be perfect for our house. Never mind that she doesn’t play the piano (we have already established that Hello Kitty fanatics don’t have to actually use any of the things that they buy, especially musical instruments) or want to learn how to. Once again we see that no matter how bad Hello Kitty Hell gets, there is always the opportunity of it getting worse…

Left in the comments by KT (via markoniinimaki) who really deserves to have to play this instrument everyday for the rest of her life and stare at the pink for imagining that this could ever be a good idea to leave the photo in the comments for me to find…

Hello Kitty Boxing Shorts

You would think that Hello Kitty would realize that there are some areas where she just doesn’t belong, but the evil feline and her throng of fanatics are oblivious to this fact. Thus, you have creations such as the Hello Kitty Thai boxing shorts:

Hello Kitty boxing shorts

I think that it suffices to simply say that there is something seriously wrong with the world when Hello Kitty is showing up on boxing shorts…

Sent in by Matthew (via muaythaiart) who should have to wear those for the rest of his life for thinking for even a second that making me aware of their existence would ever be a good idea…

Hello Kitty Assault Rifle (update)

Note: Sanrio legal counsel has contacted me because they realize that their fans are not bright enough to know what is an official Sanrio product and what is not. They didn’t feel that this would be a problem until the fans started contacting them directly, and they soon realized how painful it was to actually have to converse with a fanatic, and not even they had the patience to actually do this. As a result, they sent out a notice to me begging for me to take down my posts about guns that had the evil feline on them just so they didn’t have to ever correspond with the fanatics again. When I explained that they brought it on themselves, they pleaded that I spare them the torture that they inflict on me on a daily basis and asked me to post the following, Since I actually have a conscience, here is what they have to say:

Sanrio® has informed us that Sanrio is not involved in the manufacture or sale of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, and does not allow Hello Kitty® to be used to market guns or weapons. The items shown in this post are either digitally fabricated images or were custom-decorated without Sanrio’s permission. Sanrio alleges that creating false digitized images of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, or custom-decorating a real gun or weapon with Hello Kitty art, infringes Sanrio’s copyrights and trademarks, and may violate criminal laws.

And onto the original post…

There are far too many readers of this blog that have way too much time on their hands if the amount of people who sent me photos of the Hello Kitty AR-15 assault rifle (which I mentioned previously) is any indication. Apparently a lot of people thought it was a photoshop job, so to prove it wasn’t he took photos of it with his wife using it at the firing range.

Hello Kitty assault rifle

No doubt that the military will be carrying these around soon. Seriously, I can’t think of anything more terrifying?

Sent in by 27 different readers (including the owner of riflegear), all of whom should have the wrath of Hello Kitty Hell fall down upon them for even thinking for a split second that it would be wise to send me this photo…

Update: A smiling Hello Kitty fanatic with an assault rifle really should be the definition of “scary” for the dictionary…

Hello Kitty assault rifle

Sent in by prlemph

Hello Kitty Motorcycle Honda NSR

It’s when I receive emails like this, it’s going to be a bad day in Hello Kitty Hell (then again, can there ever really be a “good” day when your life is surrounded by the evil feline?) because I know the reaction of my wife will be the complete opposite of mine. Unwritten rules in Hello Kitty Hell state that the Hello Kitty fanatic will love a Hello Kitty item in direct inverse of how much the husband despises it. So I already knew what her reaction was going to be the second I saw this Hello Kitty Honda NSR motorcycle:

Hello Kitty motorcycle

Hello Kitty Honda motorcycle

Hello Kitty Honda NSR motorcycle

First, why would someone ever do that to a nice piece of machinery? I guess that’s a question that you can really ask about anything that has been Hello Kittified, but a motorcycle? The main problem with this is that I’ve been thinking about getting a motorcycle, with the number one attribute being that there aren’t Hello Kitty motorcycles, so the last thing I needed to show up in my email box was a Pepto-Bismol tinted, blinged out Hello Kitty motorcycle model to give my wife the idea that this would be a good thing to get.

Of course, my wife adores it. She’s been full out against the motorcycle idea as she stumped for the Hello Kitty scooter as being a better choice, but did a 100% about face upon seeing this. “Oh, if you get that motorcycle, I don’t have a problem…”

Somehow, a 6 foot 3 inch foreigner riding around in Japan on this with a Hello Kitty helmet seems like a good excuse for the police to shoot me as a suspected terrorist (I mean, seriously, wouldn’t you expect a terrorist to be using things like this on his final mission to really bring fear into the Japanese people?). All I know is my dream of having transportation free of Hello Kitty is quickly fading away and another reminder that Hello Kitty Hell can always get worse…

Sent in by Lexmj who noted, “I saw this horrendous motorcycle while visiting this particular motorshop for repairs…I really felt that it scares the spirit of riding outta this bike. I hope it won’t cause nightmares to you as it did to me, really dampens my passion for riding whenever I thought of it” which, of course, is exactly what he accomplished by sending this too me and therefore should have to ride that thing everyday for the rest of his life as punishment…

Hello Kitty Christmas Tree

You would think that there would be a law against this, especially during the holidays. I mean, seriously, how could anyone really view this as a good idea? (then again, I guess you could make that argument with virtually any Hello Kitty product…)

Hello Kitty Christmas Tree

There is nothing that says Christmas spirit like a tree covered in Pepto Bismol with the evil feline on top. Of course, my wife wants one, but thinks that the ornaments should be Hello Kitty too (see, it can get worse than this photo) If we end up getting one, I’ll have to down as much Pepto Bismol as is covering the tree to keep from getting sick — yeah, I know, it still won’t work, but I have to deceive myself that there is a possibility of hope while living in Hello Kitty Hell during the holidays…

Sent in by kris (via lilitu93) who really should have to dress up like the tree for the remainder of winter for even having the thought that sending this to me would ever be a good idea…