Hello Kitty Online Theme Song

If there is one thing that the human race absolutely does not need, it is a new Hello Kitty theme song. The fact that the original Hello Kitty theme song is so hideous that it is used by terrorist organizations to break the will of all enemies within minutes goes without saying. This would lead one to assume that if the evil feline did come up with another theme song, it would have to be better. Of course your would be wrong (seriously, just walk away and don’t click — you’ll never know how much you should thank me, but you will retain your sanity):

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Hello Kitty Death Warning Update

It seems that the people at Sanrio actually do read this blog. I found the following email waiting for me this morning:

Hi Hello Kitty Hell,

I handle corporate communications for the Outblaze Group, which includes Sanrio Digital and Sanriotown. We were extremely disturbed to learn about the “when will you die” ad you reported at

http://www.kittyhell.com/2008/06/02/hello-kitty-death-warning/

We are grateful that we were able to learn about this problem from your blog, as we have never encountered this ad ourselves. The imagery and message are very disturbing and has absolutely no place on any Sanrio web site. We have attempted to track down the culprit, however our ad serving agency (Activ8) cannot find the appropriate record without some additional information. The matter is complicated by the fact that there is no identifiable brand or URL on the screenshot.

It would be most helpful if we could obtain some information from the person who sent you the ad (Amy). The clickthrough URL would help us a lot. Alternatively, if we can determine the date and time that the ad displayed, we can check our logs and try to find out who the advertiser is. If you could put me in touch with the person who submitted the screenshot to you, or if you could relay some questions to Amy for us, we can try get to the bottom of this.

Thanks very much for reporting this and for your assistance.

Best regards,

Ibrahim

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Hello Kitty Online — MMORPG Beta

While I was earnestly hoping that this entire nightmare would simply go away, it appears that the readers here will not allow that since I have received over 40 emails to date letting me know that the Hello Kitty MMORPG (Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game) has launched. While over 40 emails from readers in itself is extremely disturbing (most with far too much exuberance), even more disturbing was the fact that I received an official press release from Sanrio Digital about this (how completely warped is that? There is something seriously wrong in the world when Sanrio begins sending me press releases…)

Hello Kitty online

As should come as no surprise, the press release shows that the Hello Kitty sticks with her true colors by making money (“The Item Mall allows players to use real money to purchase special items and upgrades for characters”) and creating violence (“Hello Kitty Online has an extensive crafting system with output such as tools & weapons…it has a sophisticated combat system”) key aspects to the game. You actually thought they would stop with Hello Kitty guns and Hello Kitty armoured personnel carriers?

Of course, my wife thinks that this game will somehow endear me to the evil feline since she knows I enjoy online games. “Don’t you just want to play?! Doesn’t it sound like the most fun ever?!” (those are questions that quickly lead to the couch and the Hello Kitty sleeping bag)

I wonder if the game will let you immediately commit suicide because even before being forced to try it out, I already know that is the only thing I’m ever going to want to do while playing it. Once again, Sanrio proves that they can always make my Hello Kitty Hell worse…

Sent in by Sanrio Digital (warning: as is to be expected from all things Hello Kitty related, annoying music will blast from your computer speakers) where all people working deserve to lose their jobs for thinking for one second that 1. creating this game was a good idea and 2. sending me a press release about it so my wife could know about it was in any way, shape or form a smart thing to do…