Cell Phone

My wife finally got herself a Hello Kitty cell phone, but since the official Hello Kitty cell phones weren’t Hello Kittified enough for her taste, she instead had this monstrosity custom made:

Hello Kitty cell phone

Hello Kitty cellular phone

Since I don’t have a cell phone, my wife insisted that I take hers when I went out shopping yesterday in case she thought of some other things to add to the list she had given me. There’s definitely a Hello Kitty Hell law that states that when someone is living in Hello Kitty Hell and is forced to take some Hello Kitty branded item with them, the moment that that item will need to be used will be at the most embarrassing moment possible. Thus the phone rang right at the moment that I was in the most crowded section of the grocery store.

There is nothing that exudes “strange foreigner” in Japan more than a six foot three inch tall guy taking out a hideously blinged out Hello Kitty cell phone that is playing the Hello Kitty theme song as the ringtone in the middle of a crowded grocery store and having to explain that, “no, I am not lying and pretending I can’t find the Hello Kitty sausages you wanted. They aren’t here” and “yes, I do agree (because I don’t want to sleep in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag tonight) that Hello Kitty pancakes are wonderful and it is also beyond me why the grocery store doesn’t stock Hello Kitty brand pancake mix.”

After talking and hanging up, I of course have every single mother and child in that area of the store looking at me with a raised eyebrow trying to decide if I am just a weird foreigner that likes Hello Kitty or some freaked out lunatic that has no grasp of the reality that grown men don’t have Hello Kitty cell phones (with the latter usually winning out). I immediately sulk away where upon the phone rings again and the entire process starts anew.

And the sad part is that is nothing unusual for a day in Hello Kitty Hell…

107 thoughts on “Cell Phone

  1. Wow, you really DO live in HK hell. I’m a huge fan of HK, but even I would be embarassed beyond belief if I had to carry that thing around. You are a strong man.

  2. I thought cell phones are invisible leashes (mostly used by wives to reach their housbands anytime they need). But I didn’t realize that cell phones can be torture tools. Well, Hello Kitty Armband of Shame is also based on the same concept.

  3. That is by far one of the tackiest things I’ve seen in a very long time.
    You have my sympathy for having to use that monstrosity in public.
    I’m just going to go bleach my eyes now.

  4. Oh what a lovely idea, a Hello Kitty personlised Hello Kitty Cell Phone. You could even hide a Hello Kitty Super Sweet Sugar Suprize car Air Freshener inside the layers of glittery gems and ribbons to give your Hello Kitty personlised Hello Kitty Cell Phone the sweet smell of Hello Kitty domination, Oh my toes tingle in there pink Hello Kitty socks smothered by my Hello Kitty house slippers at the very thought! Hehe!

  5. That is sickeningly shiny. Too much!

    A thought. Why don’t you feign interest in other Sanrio Characters like Chococat, Keroppi or Badtz Maru? While it may not get you out of Hello Kitty Hell, it can ease it a bit, as you won’t have to carry a Kitty phone, use Kitty sleeping bag, etc. At least those guys are male?

  6. HAHAHAHA u know i wanted feedback from this site because its so freakin funny what ur wife does to u. But before i read this i skimmed through a couple of posts and i was like WOW CAN I BE YOUR WIFE!?!?!?! HAHAHAHHA i LOVE all the cute hello kitty things but ur wife does seem to OD on her LOL but i LOVE what u write about the things she finds, wants, and buys. HAHAHAHAHA the hello kitty sleeping bag HAHAHA so funny man if u ever put all these post together and make a book please send me an autographed copy cause this stuff is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO amusing and hella funny! HAHAHA umm my last words for this post? good luck in the future? maybe her credit card be unlimited? or limited in ur case? LMAO. well good luck ^.~

    ~*AsH*~

    P.S. can’t wait for the next post i love it hahahah

  7. I did something similar with my phone only it’s a pink moto razor. My boyfriend hates using my cell phone but if his wasn’t dying all the time he wouldn’t have to.

  8. I have been reading your blog for a few months, but only now do I fully realize the full extent of the HK hell you live in.
    Haaa Haaa Haaa Haaa!

  9. That thing looks more like a cheap crappy toy than a cell phone.

    I like Hello Kitty stuff, but not to THAT extent… perhaps your wife should relearn the the concept of “all things in moderation” 🙂

    P.S. Dunno if you or your wife’s seen it, but there is a short documentary out there on the net about this guy and his collection of HK stuff–after watching this years ago it creeped me out a bit.

    Here’s the link (and may I burn in hell for letting you know 😉 )
    http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1864840

    Cheers,
    Catherine

  10. ‘ Each man has the dream he deserves ‘ Beaudelaire wrote .
    Lucky for him he was only on heroine lol
    It never stops for you , does it ?
    No escaping it on a hello kittie scooter either

  11. What no-one seems to have picked up on is the mention of Hello Kitty sausages. Would it be too optimistic to presume these are the result of putting various Hello Kitty objects through a mincer?

  12. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. This is good stuff. I love you ! HAHAHAHA!! You are great.

  13. OMGOODNESS!!!!!! Ok… well.. actually… I love it… sadly. except i am NOT a Hello Kitty fan.. I’m a Chococat fan… So i would do that to my cellphone Chococat style. I’m suck a dork.

  14. that thing is soooooo ugly. This coming from a hello kittyaholic! what’s up with the roses? that is just too much and too tacky for words.

  15. My deepest apologies, any woman who loves her husband would not torture him like that. And you puting up with it shows me that you realy adore your wife.

  16. that’s too much for me, but kudos on her originality! i tried to bling out one of my phones, didn’t work as well. so i just saved my money and got the okwap a236 HK ltd ed. i *heart* it! i’m lucky that my husband and i have our own personal phones and that they will NEVER be the same (he likes basic black and i tend to go for pink or red). no one loses their phone and all is well. ‘course his boss wouldn’t be happy if he was sans phone, so it makes my life easier b/c there’s NO WAY he’s EVER getting mine! :p

  17. i luv hello kitty my room is filled wit hello kitty by the way just to say im 11 so dont get yur hopes up and i got the same exact phone iluv it so much i even bouth 1 4 a bff jessica!!!!

  18. You really don’t have it so bad do you? I mean at least you can make a profit from this blog! My husband is a Marine, while I buy what I can afford in HK, I get everything else in pink. Poor dear has to take my pink laptop to Iraq next month. But then again that cell phone is fug! How does she keep all that crap from falling off? She is really dedicated!

  19. REBEL AGAINST YOUR WIFE!!!
    Seriously, Hello Kitty’s cute but…that was a cruel and bitchy thing to do, why couldn’t she go shopping I might ask.

  20. This can be done at Momoberry in LA, Cali where they will rhinestone the Hk stuff. I have a designer HK Nokia 6010 but that is repulsive.

  21. That is the ugliest thing I have ever seen in my life. I sure hope that you “accidentally” dropped it and backed over it with your car. Over and over again.

  22. after reading a few of your entries i can only say, you poor smuck.
    obviously your wife has no sense of personal boundries.
    but i know someone who deserves to be in hello kitty hell, my step dad. instead of getting even a cheap cell phone of his own he always borrows my mom’s. the problem is he drops it, scratches it, bangs it around. in other words stuff he would gladly hang us by our toes for if we ever did it to any thing of HIS. so im going to show this pic to my mom and encourage her to have hers done just like it. he will never even touch it again. mwa ha ha.

  23. Awww….. Poor you!

    But man… What a FUGLY PHONE!!! That’s so not bling! It’s so ugly that I rather use a brick as my phone and have “bob the builder” ringtone on it!

  24. i suppose you didn’t know that there are actual hello kitty cellphones that are completely filled with everything hello kitty even the song hah. yup there is wall papers and everything even the cover and some of the buttons i would send you a link but i won’t :]

  25. Woah! That is just wrong. And that’s coming from a HK fanatic herself. Your site has helped me see the error of my ways. I will contain my HK squeeing and never, EVER, make my husbeast eat anything HK nor allow any HK accessory to inhabit my kitchen. From now on I will limit HK to the odd piece of jewelry, cute accessory and small pieces of phone bling (on the strap only). I will never, EVER, expect the husbeast to wear or use any HK item.

  26. Haha, coming from first hand experience, she must’ve spent a LOONGGG time decorating that. But she should’ve held back on the bling. Sparkly things are nice sometimes but that phone is just… NO. Trust me, looking back at my teenage days in Japan, this really was my FAVORITE thing to do. You know, decorating my cellphone & all that crap. So it’s not so surprising to me that your wife did it.

    … But you’re a dude. And you have to USE it.
    *sigh* I feel so sorry for you, man.
    They sparkle in the light, don’t they?
    You poor, poor man. D:

    Next thing you know, your house phone will be blinged out.
    And when your dude friends come over…
    … -____-” GOODLUCK(:
    I do believe you’ll need it.

  27. Your wife is the most awesome person alive. I developed my HK obsession after my son was born (I thought I was having a girl, lol). And it has not stopped. Sometimes it goes on hiatus…

    My husband is part Japanese but he is also about 6’3. Now I know one more way to torture him. Yay me! 😀 I never thought of the Hello Kitty sleeping bag trick either.. hmm.

  28. I understand asain phones, with the intence amount of rhinestones and such……but to the point where theres LAYERS and ROSES on your phone that’s a too much, you can barely tell what kind of phone it is! if you want HK on your phone you put a sticker >_>

  29. Wow I even wish to have a Hello Kitty cellphone. But I dont think my mom would even let me because for sure it costs a lot of money besides were like pretty broke cause my sisters Quinceanera is coming up this November14 at San Franciscoo and it going 2 be hella cool because tallest building 52 floor and u could see the whole view of San Francisco u could even see Alcatraz..My mom even told me one time I am going to give u the digital camera of Hello Kitty that was when we were at the Hello Kittty store at Milipitas.The hing is that I dont even know how much it costs!…………….

  30. OH yah LOL! ummm well I am A big fan of Hello Kitty the only thing that I do have is the carpet in my rooo and the bed I also hav ethe backpack.Talking about that one guy it must be very cool knowing A guy that likes Hello Kitty the cool thing about him is that he dousent care and its also pretty funny because it could look pretty GAY or whatever but he must be very cool guy! LOL!……………

  31. If I where you I would get my own cell.LOL!!!!!!
    But then you would not have this story and I will not be going LOL.So this is better…for me not you.

  32. i went through something similar like this my friend i got er for a graduation gift exchange i ended up making her a hello kitty phone cover for he sidekick and when i gave it to her she screamed and spun me around due to the fact that i am lighter than her, a year younger, and i am only 5 feet tall and she is like 5’2 or 5’3

  33. WOW–this is quite the eyepopping cellphone your wife has there. I can’t decide if this is an example of kitsh taken to the tacky extreme or a sparkly piece of post-modern Art. What I do know is that if your wife ever wanted to make a little extra money I’ll bet should could turn a tidy profit pimping out custom designed HK cellphones. Cheers, this is one HK that is actually kinda cool.

Leave a Comment