You really don’t know Hello Kitty Hell until a true Hello Kitty fanatic is in your presence on a daily basis. Imagine, for instance, that you had a co-worker that was a Hello Kitty fanatic. You might be saying to yourself, “oh, I know someone that likes the evil feline” but they really aren’t a Hello Kitty fanatic unless they have decorated their desk like this:
There are way too many people that dress up as Hello Kitty, but Hello Kitty costumes take on new dimensions of horror when they interpret the evil feline like this:
I get all kinds of strange emails linking Hello Kitty with anything you can dream of. You know that the world is nearing the end when MBA students are getting college credit for studying Hello Kitty. You know that I’m in the middle of the Hello Kitty Hell tsunami when those students write to me for help with their project:
We are a group of first year full time MBA students in UC Irvine doing a big marketing project on Hello Kitty and we really need a big favor from you – if possible, to complete this 5 min survey and also to post this survey on your blog or ask your friends to help out as well. We need data that can exclude demographic limitations so we need people from all over the world to do this and we are looking for more than 2000 participants. Please use your charm and also your passion for kitty to help us on this survey!
Obviously these students need to do a bit more research if they believe that I have a “passion for kitty” or that I would ever place my friends into such a tortuous position in the guise of helping (although it seems to be a pretty good project for my enemies). Maybe they should get a failing grade before they even start and save everyone the pain of having to learn anything new about Hello Kitty.
Of course, my wife thinks it’s a wonderful idea and is of the opinion that college would be a much better place if all people had to study about Hello Kitty as part of their graduation requirement. Hello Kitty University – there’s something to look forward to that you know the people at Sanrio are probably all going to be saying, “why didn’t we think of that before?” at their next meeting.
Something tells me these students have already lined up plum job positions at the corporate headquarters of the evil feline or are trying to weasel their way in by kissing some you know what. Seriously, if you were a student and could pick any marketing theme project to conduct, why on earth would you pick Hello Kitty? Or an even better question, why the hell would you think it was a good idea to ask me to help you with it?
When Stephen Colbert endorsed Barack Obama on The Colbert Report, he made the distinction that there is a difference between endorsing and supporting :
There are plenty of things out there that you can endorse, but not do anything to support. For instance, in Japan, I endorse a very popular energy drink called Pow Yong Power Jogging now juice. But I would never drink it. It makes you poop Hello Kitties.
You can see it at 4:55
Sometimes I get up, open my email and realize that it would just be better to crawl back into the Hello Kitty futon and sleep for the entire week. This is the problem with Hello Kitty fanatics. They do things like get a tattoo of Hello Kitty on their ass and then send me a photo of it completely ruining my eating for the rest of the week since I can’t keep any food down. But that is not enough. They just can’t seem to leave something so horribly wrong alone. Instead, they feel the need to double the horror by taking what is already a sign that all is not right in the world and moving it to an entirely new level. Even worse, they feel compelled to send me a photo of it:
In celebration of Hello Kitty’s 34th birthday (kind of sad I have this information in my brain – by the way, aren’t cats supposed to die after 15 years or so?) I figured I should show what the evil feline means to me…