Hello Kitty Airplane Coming to US

Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, EVA Air has announced a new jet route which will bring a newly designed Boeing 777-300ER Hello Kitty plane to the US by way of Los Angeles. the new route begins September 18, 2013. For those of you who thought that Europe has escaped this catastrophe, they may have done so only for a brief moment. The airline has expressed its desire to torture European countries with an evil feline plane in the future as well.

As if the plane itself isn’t bad enough, EVA air has announced that they will be inviting a group of fanatics to fly on this maiden flight who will be able to get on-board autographs from Yuko Yamaguchi, guaranteeing that the plane will be the absolute worst place that anyone could ever imagine being. In fact, if the government was smart, they would require that any known terrorists be placed on that flight because there seriously couldn’t be any worse torture dealt upon a human being (of course, this can’t be done because even terrorists have some human rights).

Hello Kitty US airplane Los Angeles

I guess all we can do now is hope the pilot takes pity on the rest of us and wanders into no-fly-zone airspace and gets the plane shot down, but that would indicate that there is actually hope in the world dominated by the cat-with-no-mouth. Everyone, take out the barf bags because you’re going to need them.

Airline Boarding Pass Machines

It seems that the TSA has figured out a less expensive and 100% effective way to make the skies safe. Instead of spending hundreds of millions of dollars to screen each individual before going into the boarding area, they have figured out how to get those without any common sense to reveal themselves (probably without them even realizing it). There would really be no other logical reason for the Hello Kitty boarding pass machines (unless there is a secret campaign taking place by other forms of transportation to get people not to fly, because anyone who stumbled across these probably would feel so nauseated that they would be unable to board a plane).

hello kitty airline ticket machines

It’s pretty simple and ingenious if you think about it. Anyone who would willingly go up and get a boarding pass out of one of these machines would have to be insane. Even better, all these people could quickly be loaded onto an appropriate plane where if it does get blown up in the sky, nobody would really care all that much. And if you think about it, anyone that had to go to these machines to get their boarding passes probably is looking for some type of quick death because it surely would be a lot less painful than having to deal with a fanatic that thought getting these tickets would be a good idea…

Sent in by Cass

Hello Kitty Plane

I guess it’s sort of appropriate that EVA Air has announced today that they will once again start flying Hello Kitty planes since this is the time of the year when things that you thought were long dead come back to life in order to both haunt you and eat your brain (something that the evil feline seems quite adept at doing). Yes, there will be a Hello Kitty plane once again to torture all those that have the unfortunate curse of actually knowing a fanatic that would think this is a good thing. Supposedly there are going to be 3 different Hello Kitty airplanes (just to increase the pain to the next level) that will be based out of the place that also gives the world the Hello Kitty airport, although Eva Air unveiled only this Hello Kitty plane pattern today:

Hello Kitty plane Eva Air

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Hello Kitty Airplane

The nightmare for anyone who travels is to somehow find themselves stuck at a Hello Kitty airport getting ready to board a Hello Kitty airplane. For those who live in Hello Kitty Hell and have managed to avoid this fate, the people at Eva Air felt (for some unfathomable reason) that people would like to see in detail how they went about and destroyed one of the planes in their fleet:

Sent in by Karin

Hello Kitty Store Verona Italy

One thing that you learn quickly when you live with a Hello Kitty fanatic is that you are never safe from the evil feline when traveling. That’s because no matter where in the world you might be, there is a good chance that a Hello Kitty store exists — and the one universal truth for those living in Hello Kitty Hell is that if there is a Hello Kitty store to be found, the Hello Kitty fanatic will find it. Take these photos and story as a classic example:

Hello Kitty shop

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Hello Kitty Bus

You would think that the one time that I could somewhat escape Hello Kitty Hell is when my wife and I take weekend trips around Japan. Yes, there will be the evil feline in every store and shop we walk into, but at least I can escape for a short period as we actually travel. That, of course, assumes that the Hello Kitty fanatic doesn’t know about the many Hello Kitty buses that dot Japan (which my wife most definitely does):

Hello Kitty tour bus

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Hello Kitty Tent

It’s a given when you live in Hello Kitty Hell that something worse than what you have already seen will come along. You know it’s going to happen and you just prepare yourself for that that day coming down the road. What is not anticipated is that the horror will show up so quickly in your email box. In response to the Hello Kitty camper, you knew that there would be a Hello Kitty tent out there:


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Hello Kitty Camper

The weather is getting nicer and when you’re in Hello Kitty Hell, the number one priority is to get out of the house and as far away from the Hello Kitty mess inside as possible. That, of course, was my thinking when asking my wife to go camping, but it seems that the evil feline can’t even leave the great outdoors in peace with the existence of the Hello Kitty camper:


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Hello Kitty Japanese Goodwill Tourism Ambassador

I should have known that Hello Kitty Hell would not let me off that easily. After receiving over 20 emails yesterday about this I thought I could avoid the entire thing by placing a small blurb at the end of a post saying that I was aware and that everyone that visits here can stop sending me emails about it. Of course, in a non Hello Kitty Hell world that would mean that people would stop sending me emails about this and the entire horrific episode could be quickly forgotten as I pretended it never happened — but since I do live in hello Kitty Hell, it instead opened the floodgates and I can now assume that every person that has ever seen this blog has informed me of this news – Hello Kitty has been given an official title and made “goodwill tourism ambassador” of Japan to China and Hong Kong:

Hello Kitty tourism ambassador

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