Just when you think that everything that could possibly be branded with the evil feline, something else ends up in my email box. Once again, Star Wars fans die a little inside with the Hello Kitty Tie Fighter
The problem of living my life is that there is no relief from Hello Kitty no matter the season. It simply seems that things get worse and worse as the years go by with each season getting worse than the last. A perfect example is that in winter there is a snowboard covered with the evil feline, so in summer there would undoubtedly be a surfboard. Since I have to deal with Hello Kitty snowmen in winter, it really shouldn’t be a surprise that now that summer is here, I will have to deal with Hello Kitty sand sculptures:
I figured that if I could survive the excruciating pain of having to see all the hideous Hello Kitty Halloween pumpkin creations, I would no longer have to worry about the evil feline being carved into fruits. Unfortunately, I once again greatly underestimated the true diabolical nature within her soul when I was shown a carved Hello Kitty watermelon:
There are some things in life that when I see, I give thanks that I was somehow spared from the Hello Kitty Hellishness. That is exactly how I feel about this recent Hello Kitty by Swarovski event in Japan (prepare for 5 minutes of sickening sweetness if you dare to watch this video — I highly recommend you use common sense and don’t as this will save your mind from losing several IQ points)
It is a well known fact that Hello Kitty enjoys her drugs (not to mention drug lords). Whether it is Hello Kitty cocaine, Hello Kitty acid or Hello Kitty marijuana, we now know what Hello Kitty enjoys doing when she is taking these drugs with this little memento left on a Hello Kitty pipe — getting it on with Butt Head from Beavis and Butthead:
What is it about Hello Kitty and eyes? Hello Kitty contact lenses are one of the most disturbing (and that is saying a lot considering the amount of disturbing this blog produces) items I have come across, so artwork depicting the evil feline as eyes just makes Hello Kitty creepier than she already is (which again, is saying a lot considering how creepy she is without doing a thing).
I’m not rich. In fact, being rich is something that I never want to aspire to be. While this might seem a bit strange to most people, it is perfectly obvious to anyone why not have large amounts of disposable income is a good thing when living in Hello Kitty Hell. The simple reason is that if money weren’t an object, there is no doubt that horrendous things like $1.5 million dollar Hello Kitty paintings would end up at my house:
Because there is absolutely nothing that the evil feline believes can’t be Hello Kittified, you have things like the Hello Kitty uterus plush, the Hello Kitty bondage room, the Hello Kitty retainer and Hello Kitty motor oil (it’s quite sad that I could go on and on with this list). Suffice to say, Hello Kitty once again shows us that she is willing to make anything in her image to make a buck — including the Hello Kitty fetus: