One of the things that I fear most about posting Hello Kitty crap is that it will lead to more Hello Kitty crap in my email. A perfect example is when I posted the Hello Kitty shooting target on Facebook. Christine then offhandedly asked the question, “For those who don’t have access to guns, how about a Hello Kitty dartboard?” Guess what ended up in my mailbox a few days later? Was there any doubt that it was a Hello Kitty dartboard?
If there is one thing that the human race absolutely does not need, it is a new Hello Kitty theme song. The fact that the original Hello Kitty theme song is so hideous that it is used by terrorist organizations to break the will of all enemies within minutes goes without saying. This would lead one to assume that if the evil feline did come up with another theme song, it would have to be better. Of course your would be wrong (seriously, just walk away and don’t click — you’ll never know how much you should thank me, but you will retain your sanity):
If there is one rule of thumb when living with a Hello Kitty fanatic, it is never to leave anything that you value where the Hello Kitty fanatic has access to it. Why you ask? Because if you do, you’ll end up with an Xbox controller that looks like this…
Update: Apparently Gamecube game controllers are also not immune against being Hello Kittified:
Sent in by Fluff who asks, “Why do girls feel the need to collect all that rubbish? Check out what my gf did to my gamecube controller!”
It’s important to let all those out there who make a special effort to get their Hello Kitty fanatic significant other something that she would like to immediately stop it. It not only puts you deeper into Hello Kitty Hell, it makes it worse for all of us who are desperately trying to escape from it. Case in point, the Hello Kitty Rockband Guitar:
I guess when you play competitive games, you have to sometimes sacrifice your dignity in order to win. That can be the only explanation for the Hello Kitty paintball gun. There is no doubt that upon seeing it, any opponent will be instantaneously frozen with both fear and disgust leaving him/her to be a sitting duck just waiting to be picked off. The irony, of course, is that the loser will go home having lost happily, knowing that he doesn’t have to live life with a Hello Kitty paintball gun. The victor, on the other hand, will carry the shame of owning that monstrosity which pretty much ensures lifetime psychological damage for the rest of his life. Even when you think you win with the evil feline, you lose…
sent in by freewin (via Charkrem)
This is exactly how Hello Kitty fanatics ruin online games and the reason you will never see me playing Farmville.
Left on Facebook by Teresa and Mandy
You knew it wouldn’t end there, didn’t you?
Sent in by Mandy and Anjh
Was there ever really any doubt? Wii had already started to produce official Hello Kitty Wii related items and fans were doing things that just weren’t right with Hello Kitty Wii mods. So I guess it’s not going to be too much longer until I walk home and my Wii controllers and Wii console looks like this…
Sent in by patty
Update: Because if you are going to ruin the Wii, you might as well have multiple ways of ruining the controllers:
Sent in by Amber
You knew that eventually someone would decide to make a Hello Kitty mod (and you also knew that it would be just as terrible as you imagined it would be).
Sent in by Kos (via My Mod)
One would think that the evil feline would be satisfied after convincing guitar makers to sell their souls and produce both Hello Kitty acoustic guitars and Hello Kitty electric guitars (not to mention what happens when people actually play them or even worse, pretend to play them). This, of course, would be greatly underestimating the lengths that she would go to to try and inflict pain on every person possible and neglect the fact that more and more people are playing Guitar Hero these days. If you are a Wii fan and a Guitar Hero fan (actually, this is good advice to anyone that is breathing), just leave now because you don’t want this haunting you for the rest of the year.
Sent in by wiifan
Update: You knew there couldn’t just be one:
Left in comments by Ryouga (via Flickr)
Note: Sanrio legal counsel has contacted me because they realize that their fans are not bright enough to know what is an official Sanrio product and what is not. They didn’t feel that this would be a problem until the fans started contacting them directly, and they soon realized how painful it was to actually have to converse with a fanatic, and not even they had the patience to actually do this. As a result, they sent out a notice to me begging for me to take down my posts about guns that had the evil feline on them just so they didn’t have to ever correspond with the fanatics again. When I explained that they brought it on themselves, they pleaded that I spare them the torture that they inflict on me on a daily basis and asked me to post the following, Since I actually have a conscience, here is what they have to say:
Sanrio® has informed us that Sanrio is not involved in the manufacture or sale of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, and does not allow Hello Kitty® to be used to market guns or weapons. The items shown in this post are either digitally fabricated images or were custom-decorated without Sanrio’s permission. Sanrio alleges that creating false digitized images of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, or custom-decorating a real gun or weapon with Hello Kitty art, infringes Sanrio’s copyrights and trademarks, and may violate criminal laws.
And onto the original post…
In her quest to bring “love and happiness” to one and all, the evil feline has given us a wide assortment of Hello Kitty guns and an Hello Kitty armoured personnel carrier. So I guess it should be no surprise to see a variety of Hello Kitty hand grenades available in Call of Duty:
Due to Hello Kitty’s never ending quest to be a part of anything popular even if it has absolutely nothing to do with Hello Kitty, somewhere, for some unknown reason, somebody got the idea that creating Hello Kitty Monopoly would be a good idea: