You know that all is not right in the world when the evil feline shows up on the TV series Breaking Bad. Obviously the placement had something to do with her insecurity of anything being more popular that herself, and weaseling her way in to be a part of it. The people at Sanrio probably also felt that one of the few untapped markets that they have failed to exploit up to this point for their goods is among drug dealers and their lawyers. The result is the appearance of a Hello Kitty cell phone in the TV series:
Even worse, the phone is now being auctioned off.
This is just one more sign that things can always get worse in Hello Kitty Hell…
In her never-ending quest to never leave even the things she does which are horribly wrong alone, the evil feline once again is taking her money-grubbing paws to a new level. While the world cringed with the launch of Hello Kitty x Kiss and assumed that this combination had reached its ultimate low with the Hello Kitty KISS toilet paper, we once again failed to realize that the depths of Hello Kitty Hell can always go deeper — much, much deeper. With this in mind, the masses can look forward to being tortured with KISS Hello Kitty the TV cartoon show (seriously, you can’t make this stuff up)
I swear the people at Sanrio aren’t even trying anymore. They are sitting in their office cubicles and seem to be actively trying to figure out something so ridiculously stupid that not even Hello Kitty fanatics will buy it. Of course, they are failing miserably at this mission.
Seriously, this really shouldn’t be a surprise. It’s already been well established that Hello Kitty will do whatever it takes to make a buck even if that means combining two previously terrible ideas together to form something that undoubtedly signals the coming of the end of the world. I have already had my run-ins with the wife concerning Hello Kitty toilet paper. Then the was the partnership between the evil feline and KISS which only confirmed that Sanrio has a special knack for making others sell-out in the biggest way possible. Any normal person would have stopped in complete embarrassment at that point, but that’s not how things work in Hello Kitty Hell. Instead, the people at Sanrio came up with the “brilliant” idea to combine these two failures to produce Hello Kitty KISS toilet paper:
What do you get from a want-to-be TV reality star teen (Courtney Stodden) who marries a 51-year-old actor (Doug Hutchison)? You get a video like this which Courtney obviously thinks is “cute” (how can you not think that as she coughs up a hairball?) but should help purge your stomach of all if its contents with ease (warning: this video can’t be unseen)
How can anyone possibly make reality TV any worse than it already is? Although most people wouldn’t think it could be possible, reality has shown it was actually quite easily accomplished. Simply add “Hello Kitty high fashion” and you get what can only be described as fashion created by coughing up a massive Hello Kitty hairball. Don’t believe me? Watch the video (at your own risk as it will undoubtedly scar your brain for life)
The sad thing is that although we all already know that Hello Kitty has completely sold out (think Hello Kitty vibrators or Hello Kitty Hooters), this doesn’t stop others from collaborating with the evil feline and confirming that they, too, have completely sold out. There really is no other explanation for the Hello Kitty KISS collaboration:
Sometimes I forget that Hello Kitty looks at every event that makes the news as an opportunity to promote herself no matter how utterly distasteful doing so may be. A perfect example of this is the evil feline’s decision to create a Hello Kitty Steve Jobs as a memorial tribute as if anyone (besides the fanatics) could ever view this as something positive. See for yourself:
It’s obvious that Hello Kitty wants anyone and everyone to promote her, even if it’s a D-List TV personality wearing an age inappropriate costume. I could go on and on about what a sad train wreck the Bethenny Frankel Hello Kitty costume is, but a couple of photos will do that so much better:
While it’s certainly true that Hello Kitty finds a variety of ways to make my life hell on a daily basis, most of the time I can take it. Then there are the days when the evil feline devastates me.
I have always had a secret celebrity crush on Zooey Deschanel. Since I had never seen a photograph of her wearing the evil feline like so many other celebrities, I’d come to assume that she was one of the sane ones out there.
So you can imagine the devastation I felt when I discovered that not only did Zooey Deschanel have this monstrosity (3rd photo down) of a Hello Kitty sewing machine, she was actually quite proud of it: