Hello Kitty Mannequin

OK, it’s stuff like this that freaks me out in Hello Kitty Hell. Hello Kitty on every conceivable product I have come to accept. Turning something not Hello Kitty into Hello Kitty to sell other products? That is exactly what they have done with this Hello Kitty mannequin:

Hello Kitty mannequin

It seems like there are some that would like to see Hello Kitty turn into a real live being (my wife already insists that she is – another clue as to whether or not you have a Hello Kitty fanatic on your hands), but even coming from Hello Kitty Hell, this is simply downright creepy – something straight out of a Hello Kitty horror movie. Of course, my wife thinks this would be a perfect thing to have to display her Hello Kitty clothes when she is not wearing them which presents one of those Hello Kitty Hell dilemmas – would Hello Kitty clothes on a mannequin or on my wife be worse? I hope I never have the chance to find out…

Hello Kitty Cosplay

Thus far I have been spared my wife dressing up in Hello Kitty costumes and, as you might well imagine, don’t have any urge to encourage such a hideous idea. It was therefore with extreme disgust I found this in my email this morning:

Hello Kitty cosplay
Alexandra Roberts [flickr]

Now I realize that you look at this photo and simply say “wtf????” because that is the reaction of any normal person. So when a Hello Kitty fanatic begins to tell you how cute the outfit is, basically nothing registers because, quite frankly, your mind can’t fathom that the words reaching your ears could ever be true. At this point you hope that what you are hearing is a dream rather than reality, but soon realize that in Hello Kitty Hell you don’t wake up from nightmares like this…

Since my wife has already expressed fondness for the Hello Kitty Darth Vader, Hello Kitty cosplay is a real danger. Hello Kitty bras, Hello Kitty shoes and Hello Kitty clothes in general are Hello Kitty Hell enough, but if Hello Kitty cosplay comes into being, Hello Kitty Hell is going to be worse than I ever imagined (and believe me, I’ve imagined some pretty horrendous things….)

From reader HKsweet who should have to put on a Hello Kitty cosplay outfit everyday from now on…

Update: More examples to put far more fear into your life than should be permissible:

Hello Kitty outfit

Sent in by Rebecca

Hello Kitty Heels

I thought that my torture with Hello Kitty shoes was going to be limited to the Hello Kitty Converse High Tops and casual clothes, but of course I underestimated the lengths to which Hello Kitty would go to in order to increase my Hello Kitty Hell. Yesterday, I was informed that my wife had ordered Hello Kitty heels:

Hello Kitty heels

While the shoes themselves scare me to no end, the thought of when and what outfit she will actually wear these with is even more frightening to me…

Hello Kitty Bathroom Slippers

The problem with living in Hello Kitty Hell is that one is never enough. Hello Kitty items usually come in a variety of colors and that means my wife needs one of each color. We needed to get some bathroom slippers (in Japan, you switch slippers when going to the bathroom) and since our everyday slippers (having to wear Hello Kitty slippers all day is Hello Kitty Hell in itself) are Hello Kitty, the bathroom slippers also have to be Hello Kitty. Here is the problem – when we got to the store, they came in 4 different colors:


Hello Kitty slippers

Now most people would simply choose their favorite color and that would be it. Hello Kitty fanatics have lost this common sense reasoning and feel that they must have one of each color (at a minimum). While we have no need for four different colors, my wife rationalized it by saying a single color would be boring and she could switch the colors each week.

So you can add four pairs of Hello Kitty bathroom slippers to my Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty Yarn

Hello Kitty fanatics will buy anything that is branded Hello Kitty. My wife pays 3x as much for “Hello Kitty” yarn when she knits. Of course, this is simply regular yarn with a Hello Kitty label, but this makes no difference to her. It’s Hello Kitty so it’s the only yarn that will do:

Hello Kitty Yarn White

Hello Kitty Yarn Black

Hello Kitty Yarn Red

Of course, being that this is Hello Kitty Hell, I actually don’t mind paying 3x the going price for Hello Kitty yarn because I always think that it could be worse. One day in the not to distant future, they are going to make yarn with Hello Kitty actually in the yarn itself and then I will have to wear Hello Kitty sweaters, hats and gloves all winter long…

Hello Kitty Converse High Tops

Since I was in high school, I’ve always enjoyed wearing Converse high tops. They were sort of my fashion statement while all the other students around me went for Nike or whatever other fashionable shoe was in at that moment. Of course, during that time they only had 2 colors – black and white. It wasn’t until I went to college that they started printing them in a variety of different colors and patterns. In fact, I still have a pair of both black and white Converse high tops.

There is nothing worse than when a product that you have loved for years sells out. I tolerated the different colors and even the different patterns until my wife came home with these:

Hello Kitty Converse high top basketball shoes

Hello Kitty Converse high tops

That’s right. They actually make Hello Kitty Converse shoes these days. What’s worse, every time I decide to wear my Converse high tops, my wife wants to wear her “matching pair” – something tells me I will never be wearing them again.

You know that Hello Kitty Hell has moved to an entirely new level when even the shoe style you grew up with has come out in a Hello Kitty model. I think I’ll go cry myself to sleep…

Hello Kitty Boxers

See, things can get worse. I should have seen this coming, but part of living in Hello Kitty Hell is also living in denial that things will one day get better. It was bad enough when my wife was wearing Hello Kitty underwear, but now she wants me to wear it. Today I received a pair of Hello Kitty boxers:

Hello Kitty boxers
Hello Kitty boxers
Hello Kitty boxers
As you can see, not only are they Hello Kitty boxers, but Hello Kitty is in her famous “1974” original pose where she appears to be flipping me off. And you read the writing on the front correctly: “The Purr-fect Pal! She’s The Cat’s Meow!” Somehow that feels quite appropriate for Hello Kitty Hell – being mocked by a character on my underwear.

I imagine that it’s going to be extremely hard to keep my manly respect if I ever have to wear these which once again brings me too the Hello Kitty Hell catch 22. If I don’t wear them, then my wife will assume that I don’t appreciate the gift. Since non appreciation usually relegates me to the couch and the Hello Kitty sleeping bag for a week, sometime in the near future I am going to actually have to wear these (and make sure my wife sees that I am wearing them) or tempt my couch sleeping fate.

Just the thought of it is sending shivers down my spine…

How Hello Kitty Is Ruining My Love Life

When Hello Kitty Hell exists, it does invade all aspects of your life. It’s amazing what a detrimental effect Hello Kitty can have on a man’s love life as the following example will illustrate…

My wife and I were in a romantic mood the other night. We start to get a bit frisky and my wife takes off her shirt to reveal the Hello Kitty bra:

Hello Kitty Bra
wife: Isn’t this the cutest thing?

Now, after years of marriage, I know the right answer to this question. The correct answer is “Yes, honey, it’s very cute and it makes you look more beautiful” (all single guys, write that down in your notebook). Of course, the Hello Kitty cheerleader on one side and the monogrammed Hello Kitty initials on the other make it impossible for me to say the correct answer…

me: uh, what’s that? (shocked that Hello Kitty has invaded yet another part of my hell)

wife: It’s my new bra (wife folds arms waiting impatiently for correct answer)

me: oh…(split second hesitation and instant recognition on what is about to unfold)

wife: (raises an eyebrow). Is it me or the bra? (shirt goes back on)

me: no, no , no…yes, it is the cutest thing (lying in desperate hope to save the moment already knowing it is futile)

wife (raises eyebrow higher) So it’s me, then? (goes to closet to get Hello Kitty sleeping bag for me to sleep on couch)

me: no, no , no…You’re as beautiful as ever. Much cuter than the bra (realizing instantly that the Hello Kitty trap had locked and the key had been thrown away)

wife: (both eyebrows raised) so you don’t think the bra is cute! (Hello Kitty sleeping bag is thrown on couch, bedroom door slammed and locked)

I wonder how many more nights I’ll be sleeping out here on the couch…