To celebrate her 35th birthday, the people at Sanrio decided to put together the ultimate 2 and a half minute torture video which will surely be used on terrorist until the UN intercedes and declares it inhumane. Unfortunately, they didn’t intercede quickly enough to save me (or you if you are insane enough to watch it):
Hello Kitty Bathroom Mirror
It’s bad enough waking up each morning and seeing Hello Kitty right in front of my face, but now my wife wants to multiply this pain by getting Hello Kitty bathroom mirrors. While she thinks that these are cute, they are simply another heart attack waiting to happen for me. On those nights that I need to go to the bathroom, I’ll get out of bed still half asleep, switch on the light to the bathroom and slowly open my eyes to have a Hello Kitty mirror staring back at me. I wonder how much my wife will like it when there is a Hello Kitty scream of terror to wake her up every night…
Sent in by molly
Hello Kitty Hilary Duff Skateboard
In my ignorance (helped along by a few beers of the non Hello Kitty persuasion), I mentioned to my wife that I thought it would be fun to get a skateboard. If I had been a bit more sober, I would have known before the words came out of my mouth that Hello Kitty would have one. Even worse, my wife found one that she thinks I should get because not only is it a Hello Kitty skateboard, it is a Hello Kitty Hilary Duff endorsed skateboard. Yep, that pretty much guarantees a Hello Kitty hellish day…
Hello Kitty Grim Reaper
October is the start of the worst three months if you happen to live with a Hello Kitty fanatic. The main issue is that the evil feline has her birthday on November 1 which is like giving the Hello Kitty fanatic vast amounts of crack cocaine every day for the entire month preceding it. Halloween only feeds into the frenzy because the holiday gives the fanatic an excuse to actually dress up as Hello Kitty under the guise of a Halloween costume even though we all know this is what she would prefer to wear on a daily basis. The result is that Halloween pretty much guarantees that Hello Kitty pumpkins are going to be carved and Hello Kitty costumes are coming out of the closet to be worn way too many times. Then when the birthday ends, good old Christmas is just around the corner and all the Hello Kitty gifts the Hello Kitty fanatic imagines she will receive continue to ensure that Hello Kitty Hell will be burning red hot into the New Year.
With this in mind, I’m already mentally preparing myself for the onslaught of Hello Kitty Halloween costumes (and other Hello Kitty
Halloween crap) that are bound to fill my mailbox in the coming weeks. If I’m going to have to see these, let’s at least hope that most of them go for reality and show Hello Kitty for who she really is like this Hello Kitty grim reaper costume:
Hello Kitty Hell Lecture and Photo Dump
I just received an email from someone that wanted to know if I wanted to give a lecture about Hello Kitty. I’m not sure if I should feel honored by the request or devastated that Hello Kitty Hell has reached such depths…
This past week’s Hello Kitty photo dump before I start crying:
Hello Kitty Digital Scale
Hello Kitty Diamond Sapphire Doll – $150k
Hello Kitty Eye Mask
Hello Kitty MAC Cosmetic Signage
Hello Kitty Pick-Up Truck
Hello Kitty Guitar Hero Wii Guitar Mod
Hello Kitty Louis Vuitton Bong
Hello Kitty “I Kill Suckers” Tattoo
Hello Kitty Longboard Surfboard
Hello Kitty Digital Scale
We already have a Hello Kitty scale, but that doesn’t stop my wife from wanting other ones that she comes across. I find the whole idea rather ironic since the last thing that my wife wants to know from the evil feline is what she weighs. It wouldn’t surprise me if the Hello Kitty digital scale actually malfunctions on purpose so that it gives the wrong weight (to keep the Hello Kitty fanatics happy), or maybe it gives the weight in apples (if you know why this reference is significant, you know too much about Hello Kitty) so that it is impossible to tell. No matter what the truth is, it’s just another piece of Hello Kitty junk to add onto the pile in Hello Kitty Hell…
Sent in by appleworm
Update: It looks like Sanrio is moving closer to that weight in apples theory I had with the Hello Kitty apple digital scale (sent in by martha)
Hello Kitty Underwear Fetish (don't look – it can't be unseen)
I know it’s going to be a really, really Hello Kitty hellish day when photos like these end up in my email box. I don’t want to know why. I don’t want to know when. I just plain don’t want to know anything about what is going on here. I advise you to turn away while you can because once you’ve seen it, it can never be unseen. It will haunt to far more than any of the previous Hello Kitty nightmares you have had. Unfortunately, I know this from experience:
Hello Kitty Diamond Sapphire Doll – $150k
A diamond ribbon, over 400 pink sapphires on its body, a citrine nose, black spinel eyes and made of platinum, there is no doubt that my wife will want this. Luckily for me, her business isn’t so good that she can afford the $150,000 it costs…
Sent in by Susan
Hello Kitty Eye Mask
I hate Hello Kitty eye masks. My wife sleeps with them on and there are literally dozens of different patterns on the market. While they help keep the light out of her eyes, they also perpetually have me inches away from dying of a heart attack.
Imagine for a moment that your significant other rolls over while you’re fast asleep and gently snuggles against you. Still 90% asleep, you turn over so that you are face to face, place your arms around her in loving fashion. Still mostly asleep, you then slowly open your eyes expecting to see your significant other’s face and this is what greets you. Unfortunately, this is a far too regular occurrence in Hello Kitty Hell…
Sent in by sophia
Update: Another way to ensure that your significant other is traumatized each and every morning:
Sent in by HK Guy
Hello Kitty MAC Cosmetic Signage
I would basically like to wipe the entire Hello Kitty MAC cosmetic line — and the advertising they did — completely from my mind due to the traumatizing effect it caused that I’m still recovering from. It’s difficult to have a positive outlook on life when you have seen the MAC make-up video and S&M Hello Kitty men. So it is no surprise that the artwork signage for MAC also leaves one shaking their head wondering what type of drugs the people were taking that came up with the entire concept. Maybe they took a few too many tokes from the Hello Kitty Louis Vuitton bong or got hold of some of that Hello Kitty cocaine…
Sent in by too many people – stop sending MAC stuff – the campaign is over and let’s leave it that way for everybody’s sanity…