Hello Kitty Porcelain Figurines

You know that Hello Kitty Hell has gone way beyond reasonable when I keep getting press releases from manufacturers about their new Hello Kitty products. I was never sure exactly what they wanted me to do with them since it was obvious that a site not fond of the evil feline really wouldn’t want to print the false drivel that comes in these press releases.

Then it dawned on me. They must be sending me these press releases so that I can rewrite them to accurately reflect the truth of the situation. Now that is something that I can do:

hello kitty porcelain

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Hello Kitty Fanatic Kid Hell

When it comes to Hello Kitty Hell, the question is who has it the worst. Obviously, everyone and everything that has contact with the Hello Kitty fanatic has to endure their own form of Hello Kitty Hell. While I maintain that it is the significant others of the Hello Kitty fanatic that have it the worst (still doubt?), the dogs and cats of the Hello Kitty fanatic certainly have a valid claim as well. Add the kids of Hello Kitty fanatics to the mix:

hello kitty fanatic kid

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Hello Kitty Nightmare Video

One of the most difficult aspects of living in Hello Kitty Hell is explaining the complete fanaticism of Hello Kitty fanatics to people who have never met one. They simply have no reference, and any sane person would find it unbelievable the lengths that fanatics will go to surround themselves with the evil feline. This video gives a taste of what every Hello Kitty fanatic would like their house to look like (my wife is certainly doing her utmost to equal, if not surpass, it).

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Hello Kitty Bombs In Boxes

There is no doubt that Hello Kitty loves her guns, so there really is no surprise that the evil feline would also eventually find her face on bombs. While these are artwork, you know that this has inspired the employees at Sanrio, and that it’s only a matter of time before she shows her mug on the real thing…

Hello Kitty bomb

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Hello Kitty Tattoo Plush

If there is one thing that the evil feline can’t stand, it’s her image appearing on stuff where she hasn’t been able to fleece the buyer for the majority of their last paycheck. Because of this, Hello Kitty tattoos have always posed a problem for her. The solution for body piercings was simple. The idea of a Hello Kitty tattoo gun never seemed to catch on except in prison. So Hello Kitty has done the only thing she can to capitalize on the Hello Kitty tattoo trend by creating a Hello Kitty tattoo plush:

Hello Kitty tattoo plush

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Hello Kitty Digital Scale

We already have a Hello Kitty scale, but that doesn’t stop my wife from wanting other ones that she comes across. I find the whole idea rather ironic since the last thing that my wife wants to know from the evil feline is what she weighs. It wouldn’t surprise me if the Hello Kitty digital scale actually malfunctions on purpose so that it gives the wrong weight (to keep the Hello Kitty fanatics happy), or maybe it gives the weight in apples (if you know why this reference is significant, you know too much about Hello Kitty) so that it is impossible to tell. No matter what the truth is, it’s just another piece of Hello Kitty junk to add onto the pile in Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty digital scale

Sent in by appleworm

Update: It looks like Sanrio is moving closer to that weight in apples theory I had with the Hello Kitty apple digital scale (sent in by martha)

Hello Kitty apple digital scale

Hello Kitty Diamond Sapphire Doll – $150k

A diamond ribbon, over 400 pink sapphires on its body, a citrine nose, black spinel eyes and made of platinum, there is no doubt that my wife will want this. Luckily for me, her business isn’t so good that she can afford the $150,000 it costs…

Hello Kitty jewel figure

Sent in by Susan

Hello Kitty Stained Glass Window

Any normal person would figure that after my wife had decided on the Hello Kitty house made of Hello Kitty bricks with Hello Kitty plants in front surrounded by the Hello Kitty picket fence and Hello Kitty display cases to keep all her Hello Kitty junk that my wife’s dream house had pretty much reached the point where it could no longer be Hello Kittified. Of course, normal never applies when living in Hello Kitty Hell and the Hello Kitty stained glass window proves this point:

Hello Kitty stained glass window

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Hello Kitty Three Apples Art

Even though it is quite clear that Hello Kitty and art don’t mix, that doesn’t stop the evil feline from trying to be a part of the art world. Apparently Sanrio is throwing a Hello Kitty art show called Three Apples at the Royal/T Cafe in the Los Angeles area from Oct 23 to Nov 15 in honor of Hello Kitty turning 35 years old and they have released a sneak peek at what is going to be there:

Hello Kitty Yosuke Ueno art

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