Hello Kitty World of Warcraft

In the never ending quest to be everywhere, Hello Kitty invades places that she should never be. How else can you explain the Hello Kitty World of Warcraft personalised interface:

Hello Kitty wow

For those unfamiliar, World of Warcraft (WoW) is an online game where people going around killing anything and everything. Obviously, there are players that believe that adopting a Hello Kitty theme will give them the added advantage they need to spread destruction and misery throughout the world. Hmmmm, on second thought, maybe it isn’t such a bad fit for Hello Kitty after all…

Sent in by Kate who should have to not only use this theme when she plays the game, but also listen to the Hello Kitty theme song the entire time for thinking that showing this to me could ever be a good idea.

Hello Kitty Space Candy Tattoo

I am not sure why Hello Kitty fanatics feel compelled to send me the Hello Kitty tattoos that they have gotten. It would seem that I would be the last person they would want to send it to. It’s not like I am going to give them a large compliment on it, but then it has already been established that Hello Kitty fanatics don’t make a whole of of sense. Thus I have been sent yet another Hello Kitty tattoo:

Hello Kitty Space Tattoo

Putting aside the fact that anyone wanting a Hello Kitty tattoo in itself should probably be a sign that the world is coming to an end (especially for anyone in there is circle of family and friends — feel free to apply for a position writing on this blog if you happen to be part of one of these groups) getting a Hello Kitty in what appears to be a spacesuit with Badtz Maru and My Melody in the background and lots of hearts in candy all-around pretty much sums up the sickly sweetness that inhabits all of Hello Kitty Hell.

Of course, my wife loves it: “I need to get a Hello Kitty tattoo that is just as beautiful as that. It’s full of friendship and happiness.” I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for the day that I come home and I find that my wife has gotten a full body Hello Kitty tattoo because there is no doubt that is the direction that Hello Kitty Hell is heading…

Sent in by Gawelle (with work done by Seb) who really should have to get all her future tattoos done with the Hello Kitty tattoo gun as punishment for getting my wife excited about getting a tattoo again…

Hello Kitty Space Heater

This is the time of year when people begin to take out their winter items. If you live in Hello Kitty Hell, that means having to deal with another year of such items like the Hello Kitty USB lap warmer and Hello Kitty USB foot warmers, but unfortunately things don’t stop there. That is because the evil feline can’t begin a new season without placing her mark on a whole new line for Hello Kitty fanatics to drool over. Thus my wife insists that we need to purchase this Hello Kitty flat space heater:

Hello Kitty space heater

Hello Kitty space heater

It’s when my wife start showing me things like this that I wonder if it would just be better to freeze to death…

Hello Kitty Halloween Pumpkin

One of the worst aspects of living in Hello Kitty Hell is that all holidays are completely ruined. It is impossible to enjoy any holiday because it gets Hello Kittified. And just to make sure that everyone not only buys Hello Kitty goods on that particular holiday, Sanrio provides directions on how you can Hello Kittify it yourself with such things as how to make a Hello Kitty pumpkin (note that a pumpkin with Hello Kitty on the front is not a “jack ‘o lantern,” but a “Kitty-o-lantern!”):

Hello Kitty Halloween Pumpkin

My wife took one look at this and sent me to the store to get not one, but several pumpkins in different sizes so she could practice making the perfect Hello Kitty ‘o lanterns. Mind you, Halloween is not celebrated in Japan so this has absolutely no meaning out here (yeah, I know that none of it has any meaning, but this just seems to have less meaning than most – decorating for a holiday that isn’t celebrated)

So now we have 4 Hello Kitty pumpkins sitting on the front step of our house and I can’t even kick the damn things in and blame it on the teenage boys down the street…

Sent in by Tyra who should be forced to eat pumpkin, and only pumpkin, for the rest of her life for thinking that it would be a good idea sharing this with my wife…

Hello Kitty AK-47

Note: Sanrio legal counsel has contacted me because they realize that their fans are not bright enough to know what is an official Sanrio product and what is not. They didn’t feel that this would be a problem until the fans started contacting them directly, and they soon realized how painful it was to actually have to converse with a fanatic, and not even they had the patience to actually do this. As a result, they sent out a notice to me begging for me to take down my posts about guns that had the evil feline on them just so they didn’t have to ever correspond with the fanatics again. When I explained that they brought it on themselves, they pleaded that I spare them the torture that they inflict on me on a daily basis and asked me to post the following, Since I actually have a conscience, here is what they have to say:

Sanrio® has informed us that Sanrio is not involved in the manufacture or sale of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, and does not allow Hello Kitty® to be used to market guns or weapons. The items shown in this post are either digitally fabricated images or were custom-decorated without Sanrio’s permission. Sanrio alleges that creating false digitized images of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, or custom-decorating a real gun or weapon with Hello Kitty art, infringes Sanrio’s copyrights and trademarks, and may violate criminal laws.

And onto the original post…

I guess if there are Hello Kitty guns and Hello Kitty Armoured Personnel Carriers, it really shouldn’t come as a surprise that something which is supposed to exude love and friendship would be found on a AK-47:

Hello Kitty AK-47

Again, my wife is totally anti-Hello Kitty gun — “Hello Kitty brings love, she doesn’t kill” — but I think that this is simply showing Hello Kitty’s true colors. While she doesn’t necessarily destroy civilization with bullets and bombs, she does do it with a overwhelming blanket of cuteness that may be much more psychologically damaging to the world. I personally think it should be the weapon of choice for all Hello Kitty Hunters

And as the sales pitch notes, “A perfect gift for the young lady of the house.” What Hello Kitty fanatic wouldn’t want one?

The world should note the hand-crocheted shoulder-stock muffler and the anodized titanium plating. Several choices in stock wood are available. With a limited run of only 500, buy now before they’re gone! An mere $100 extra includes Glambo’s signature wood-burnt into the opposite side of the handguard. A perfect gift for the young lady of the house. A bargain at only $1072.95! 😉

Sent in by Ashley (via Glam Guns) who should shoot every Hello Kitty collection with it that she comes in contact with.

Hello Kitty Glass Slipper

As has been noted on numerous occasions, Hello Kitty has no problem venturing into any area in the pursuit of the all mighty dollar. Hey, if a good fairy tale is out there, Hello Kitty is sure to try and Kittify it. That’s the only explanation that I can find for this Hello Kitty glass slipper:

Hello Kitty glass slipper wedding ring pillow

I’m not sure why this particular product annoys me so much. Yes, it’s useless, but as has already been established, so are all items of the evil feline. I think it’s the combination of nauseating Hello Kitty “cutest thing ever” mentality combined with the unrealistic romantic fairy tale love that simply makes me want to vomit. Just thinking about this combination gives me the dry heaves.

And if that hasn’t made you feel more than a bit queasy, it’s time to go and find an empty bucket or take your laptop to the bathroom. Not only is it a glass slipper, it’s also a wedding ceremony ring pillow bringing that into the equation which should pretty much empty everyone’s stomach (except, of course, for Hello Kitty fanatics who will see this as one of the greatest items ever made). When my wife begins to describe items as “precious” rather than “cute,” that is when I know it’s going to be an extra special Hello Kitty Hellish day…

Hello Kitty Golf Ball Holder

There are a lot of Hello Kitty items that are unfathomably useless such as this and this (Hello Kitty items come in three different categories: useless, completely useless or unfathomably useless). We can now add another one to the unfathomably useless category. Let me introduce you to the Hello Kitty golf ball holder:

Hello Kitty golf ball case

Hello Kitty golf ball case

Hello Kitty golf ball case

Can anyone explain to me why anyone would need a golf ball holder, let alone a Hello Kitty golf ball holder? Let’s think about this logically for a second (my apologies in advance to the Hello Kitty fanatics who I know I’m asking quite a lot from with this request and, yes, I know that I have just broken the Hello Kitty golden rule of logic which states that logic can never apply to Hello Kitty fanatics, but humor me…) It’s a golf ball. It’s been created knowing that someone is going to whack it as hard as possible with a titanium golf club. When this occurs, it has been constructed to suffer no damage. So what exactly is a padded golf ball holder going to protect the golf ball from?

Of course, my wife has a perfectly acceptable explanation for Hello Kitty fanatics: “It’s to give the proper care and love to the Hello Kitty golf balls.” Obviously, even after all these years in Hello Kitty Hell, I still don’t get it…

Hello Kitty Men's Fashion

It appears that Sanrio has decided to really make my life Hell by introducing a Hello Kitty men’s fashion line that consists of T-shirts, boxers, bags, sports wear and watches.

Hello Kitty men's fashion

I find all the Hello Kitty photos I receive disturbing, but then there are those that I find disturbing on multiple levels.

1. It was emailed to me by someone who has their blog hosted by Sanrio. I realize (although I still have a difficult time understanding why – must be another of those Hello Kitty fanatic things) that there are a number of Hello Kitty fans that frequent this blog, but it appears that Hello Kitty fans now feel that a mention on my blog will drive traffic to their Hello Kitty blog and the people who go will like it. In other words, there are enough Hello Kitty fans that come to this blog that blogs on the official Sanrio site want to be mentioned here which I find quite disturbing.

2. Sanrio believes there is a big enough market out there to begin a male fashion line. I find this extremely disturbing.

3. My wife is going to take one look at this stuff and decide it is exactly what I need and it will start to show up on our doorstep in the next few weeks as “gifts” for me. I find this to be take out the knife and begin slitting my wrists disturbing.

Although I am not a big conspiracy theorist, I’m beginning to get the feeling that Sanrio has set up a special department with the exclusive mandate to try and make my life more Hello Kitty Hellish than it already is…

Hello Kitty Skin Water

It’s bad enough that Sanrio is able to sell Hello Kitty bottled water, but why stop when you have a good thing going? Apparently if bottling water with the evil feline on the front for drinking sells well, then bottling water with Hello Kitty on the front to splash on your skin would be even more successful. Thus, the invention of Hello Kitty skin water:

Hello Kitty skin water

As a guy, if this was just plain old skin water I would be asking “why in the world would anyone need this?” but since Hello Kitty adorns the front of the package, I have no doubt that it is nothing more than another inventive product from the minds of Sanrio to make my life more Hellish.

Of course, my wife insists otherwise. “Hello Kitty skin water is refreshing and makes my skin healthier.” I’m tempted to replace the water that comes in the bottles with plain old tap water, but know that no matter what the results (if I was right and she didn’t notice and I told her what I did or if she noticed right away), I’d end up on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag…

Hello Kitty Sausages

You may remember me telling you about the pimped out Hello Kitty cell phone that my wife had made and my embarrassing experience in the grocery store with it a couple of months back. My wife was quite distressed to learn that I wasn’t kidding when I said I couldn’t find the Hello Kitty sausages because our local store stopped selling them (yes, there is one sane store manager who was able to stand up to Sanrio in Japan). That means that my wife has been on a crusade to try to find a new place to get them since and, to her joy (and my chagrin) she was able to locate them the other day:

Hello Kitty sausages

I still am not sure why we have to have Hello Kitty on our food (it’s another one of those Hello Kitty fanatic things that no normal person will ever be able to comprehend) and even with the pleasure of getting to chomp my teeth into her and grind her up, it doesn’t make up for the nauseating experience of having to look at her on my plate.

The finding of the Hello Kitty sausages somehow revived talk of only eating Hello Kitty food again (a nightmare scenario that I have been praying would somehow fade away, but always seems to reappear to send chills down my spine). All I know is that if this idea transpires into reality, Hello Kitty Hell will have progressed to new depths that I don’t even want to imagine.