One mans hell with cute overload
A perfectly normal response to something that seems incomprehensible would be “wtf — why would someone do that?” I know that I have lived in Hello Kitty Hell far too long because when the Hello Kitty lip tattoo ended up in my email box, my reaction was not “wtf — why?” but a resigned “I’m surprised someone didn’t do this sooner…”
I already have plenty of Hello Kitty nightmares to keep me occupied at night, so there is definitely no need for another one like the Hello Kitty doctor’s office:
More and more people are coming to the realization that if you really want to both punish and humiliate someone, simply force them to wear Hello Kitty. This worked wonders for the Thai police who tagged under-performing officers with a Hello Kitty armband of shame. It appears that major league baseball players have adopted a similar approach with the Hello Kitty backpack of shame:
There are certainly enough Hello Kitty goods to make anyone instantly say wtf. In fact, they are so plentiful that most people would assume that Hello Kitty must have exhausted her wtf quota, but this assumption would leave you sorely mistaken. There really isn’t any other way to react to the fact that Hello Kitty Spam sushi exists:
You would think that the one time that I could somewhat escape Hello Kitty Hell is when my wife and I take weekend trips around Japan. Yes, there will be the evil feline in every store and shop we walk into, but at least I can escape for a short period as we actually travel. That, of course, assumes that the Hello Kitty fanatic doesn’t know about the many Hello Kitty buses that dot Japan (which my wife most definitely does):
Some things you just can’t make up. The Hello Kitty vibrator shoulder massager is a perfect example. The Hello Kitty love hotel bondage room is another. I have no doubt that the Hello Kitty S&M pink leather flogger also belongs on this list:
It had to happen. It was bad enough that my wife thought I should be wearing the Hello Kitty low rise underwear, but you can imagine my shock when they arrived at our door in three additional patterns as well:
While all things Hello Kitty defy logic, some of them defy logic more than others. A prime example of the latter is the Hello Kitty hair salon:
Note: Sanrio legal counsel has contacted me because they realize that their fans are not bright enough to know what is an official Sanrio product and what is not. They didn’t feel that this would be a problem until the fans started contacting them directly, and they soon realized how painful it was to actually have to converse with a fanatic, and not even they had the patience to actually do this. As a result, they sent out a notice to me begging for me to take down my posts about guns that had the evil feline on them just so they didn’t have to ever correspond with the fanatics again. When I explained that they brought it on themselves, they pleaded that I spare them the torture that they inflict on me on a daily basis and asked me to post the following, Since I actually have a conscience, here is what they have to say:
Sanrio® has informed us that Sanrio is not involved in the manufacture or sale of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, and does not allow Hello Kitty® to be used to market guns or weapons. The items shown in this post are either digitally fabricated images or were custom-decorated without Sanrio’s permission. Sanrio alleges that creating false digitized images of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, or custom-decorating a real gun or weapon with Hello Kitty art, infringes Sanrio’s copyrights and trademarks, and may violate criminal laws.
And onto the original post…
Because there has never been a gun that Hello Kitty could keep her face off, here is yet another Hello Kitty machine gun:
