I know that things are getting bad in Hello Kitty Hell when the transformer Hello Kitty sewing machine doesn’t seem quite as bad as I first thought. What could get me thinking this way? The Hello Kitty face sewing machine, of course:
In Hello Kitty Hell one would imagine that it couldn’t get worse than having Hello Kitty on every shelf constantly staring back at you in your home, but then that would be once again underestimating the evil feline. Now I have to constantly watch where I walk so that I don’t trip over my wife’s latest addition to her ever growing collection: the Hello Kitty Robomop:
This is the time of year when people begin to take out their winter items. If you live in Hello Kitty Hell, that means having to deal with another year of such items like the Hello Kitty USB lap warmer and Hello Kitty USB foot warmers, but unfortunately things don’t stop there. That is because the evil feline can’t begin a new season without placing her mark on a whole new line for Hello Kitty fanatics to drool over. Thus my wife insists that we need to purchase this Hello Kitty flat space heater:
It’s when my wife start showing me things like this that I wonder if it would just be better to freeze to death…
My wife has decided that we need a floor buffer…not any floor buffer, mind you, but a Hello Kitty floor buffer:
Now, I could go into a rant about how we don’t have any hard wood floors that need to be buffed in our house, but that is probably obvious to those of you that have been reading this blog (and if you haven’t, just read a few posts and you’ll get the idea). I could also go on a rant about Hello Kitty fanatics colluding together to spike the poll votes to save the ceramic Hello Kitty, but everyone should have probably figured that would be typical Hello Kitty fanatic behavior. So instead, I’ll rant at those of you who read this blog and then send me emails like this:
For my 26th birthday, my boyfriend threw me a hello kitty themed rave. It was huge, every hello kitty maniac that was of age (actually there were 18 yr old kids trying to get in too) partied for 10 or so hours. My name’s kelly so we dubbed the party “hello kelly” they fliers were so cute, I wish I had a scan of it on my computer to show your wife. Anyway it was the crop circle on the front and then on the back was a few of the popular characters at a disco. Anyway, this year we’re having another Hello Kelly: Kitty vs. the Zombies I want to invite your wife ^_^* It’s in New Orleans on September 28th or 29th 😉
Why on earth would I ever let my wife know that there was a Hello Kitty rave going to take place?!? Do I really need to encourage her to be more into Hello Kitty than she already is? I have been through some pretty miserable times in Hello Kitty Hell, and just the thought of a Hello Kitty rave ranks right up near the top of things I really never want to experience in my life. If you have any doubt about whether you’re a Hello Kitty fanatic or not, here is a simple test.
If you think a Hello Kitty rave party would be fun to attend, you have already gone off the deep end and there is no hope for you. You can tell your significant others to start documenting their hell and sending it to me because they have a life of Hello Kitty misery ahead of them. If you heard the words “Hello Kitty rave” and immediately thought “WTF?” then rest assured that you are still part of the human race that isn’t insane…
I guess it really wouldn’t come as a surprise that two different Hello Kitty TV set models would be enough. I’ve already mentioned the apple model and the flat screen model in previous posts, but then reader Mackenzie had to go point out that there was another Hello Kitty TV model in the comments area. I knew that it was merely a matter of time before my wife wandered in there and found yet another TV to add to her list…and it only took a day or so. Again, the question isn’t which one, but whether to buy them all or not.
So if there are 3 Hello Kitty TVs out there, why wouldn’t there be four? Of course there are and my wife found the fourth one the other day:
So she is now choosing between getting all four at once or all four, but one at a time…Hello Kitty Hell at its finest…
My wife has gotten it into her head that we need a new microwave oven. I think this is an extension of the “can we eat only Hello Kitty food” craze that has weaved itself into her head (I can tell that this is not going to end well in Hello Kitty Hell). Her only problem is that our current microwave works perfectly at the moment (she’s struggling to come up with an answer for this) — something she is determined to solve because she found something that she really wants – the Hello Kitty microwave oven.
It’s gotten to the point in Hello Kitty Hell that I no longer like walking into the kitchen and if our current microwave decides to break, it will be all the worse…
Update: Of course, there are more. Now if we could only find a Hello Kitty microwave where we could place the evil feline inside:
Left by Becky on Facebook
The thing you learn in Hello Kitty Hell is that if you complain about one aspect of Hello Kitty, it will usually come back to haunt you because Hello Kitty has likely capitalized on both sides of the issue. my wife continues to hint about trying an all Hello Kitty diet (just thinking about that sends chills down my spine) and I finally blurted out, “it would be the most unhealthy diet in the world” (note to self: don’t blurt out things that will challenge my wife to prove me wrong). So I guess it really shouldn’t be a surprise that I found a new Hello Kitty Yogurt maker in our kitchen this morning.
Somehow I still don’t think that sugar and yogurt constitute a healthy diet, but I’m keeping my mouth shut to avoid more “healthy” Hello Kitty food gadgets ending up in our kitchen…
Part of the problem when living in Hello Kitty Hell is that it begins the moment that you get up in the morning. If it isn’t the Hello Kitty futon (or Hello Kitty sleeping bag on the couch depending how the previous day had gone), the first meal of the day also has Hello Kitty written all over it. It probably goes without saying that the vast majority of our plates and bowls have a Hello Kitty theme (we’ll get to photos of those at a later date), but also a lot of our cooking utensils including our Hello Kitty toaster oven:
There’s just something that makes toast a lot less appetizing when it comes out of a Hello Kitty toaster. And yes, I am aware that there is a Hello Kitty toaster that toasts Hello Kitty onto the toast because my wife also has this, but the aim of breakfast is to get food into your stomach and not throw it up all over the table, which would happen if I had to look at Hello Kitty actually on my toast…