I Know More About Hello Kitty Than Is Healthy

Hello Kitty Dog
I know exactly how he feels…
One of the scariest things which I don’t like to even think about (let alone mention in public like this) is that I know far too much about Hello Kitty than is healthy for any grown man (or person for that matter, but being a grown man makes it all that much worse). The information seems to invade your body when you live in a Hello Kitty Hell like an unwanted parasite. I don’t want to know this stuff. I have no interest in this stuff. I don’t want anything to do with it. Yet at the end of the day, it seeps into my memory in the depths of my brain and can’t be purged. Hello Kitty facts sitting up there wasting valuable brain space and not a damn thing I can do about it. 

My wife thinks that this is great. When she needs to know some obscure fact about Hello Kitty that she can’t remember, she’ll call to me and more often than not I’ll know the answer. Can it get any worse than that? Knowing facts that you don’t want to know about Hello Kitty. I’m surprised I haven’t been committed.

For example, the following left my mouth (to my extreme horror) at a get-together of my wife’s friends when one of them mentioned how it was wonderful that Hello Kitty was born in Japan. Any normal person would not have even thought twice about the comment, but the Hello Kitty information invaders in my mind couldn’t let it pass. My response? “While a lot of people assume that Hello Kitty was born in Tokyo, Japan, she was really born in London, England when her father, George, was on transfer there with his company.” These are the things that are stuck in my mind and come out in conversations and there is nothing I can do about it.

I can tell you what Hello Kitty’s last name is (White), how you can tell the difference between her and her sister, Mimmy (they wear their bows on the opposite side – Kitty wears it on her left, Mimmy on her right), the name of the rabbit that Kitty sometimes carries with her (Kathy), Hello Kitty’s height (approx. 5 apples) and weight (approx. 3 apples) and much more so that if I continued on here, I’d really get depressed and slit my wrists (I’m almost at that point just realizing what I have written here…)

The worst part of having this Hello Kitty knowledge is when my friends learn about it and then abuse it. We will be at a gathering of some type with a lot of people I don’t know and they’ll start talking about Hello Kitty and making false statements on purpose knowing that I will have to correct them. Then I look like some type of freak for knowing so much about Hello Kitty and trying to explain why it’s useless by that point. Then they laugh about it for the rest of the evening. I just hope that as a deserved punishment, they one day begin to remember the Hello Kitty stuff too…

So I live with the Hello Kitty Hell both externally and internally waiting in great anticipation for the day when they come out with a device that can erase selective memory because I’ll be first in line…

12 thoughts on “I Know More About Hello Kitty Than Is Healthy”

  1. Man, you need something like the “I Dream of Jeannie” theme for tunes that get stuck in your head. A large poster of something that if you concentrate on it, the image of Hello Kitty washes away. Or maybe something funny…


  2. “When she needs to know some obscure fact about Hello Kitty that she can’t remember, she’ll call to me and more often than not I’ll know the answer. Can it get any worse that that?”

    OH, THAT IS SAD. Very very sad.

  3. hahah~

    i also know Hello Kitty’s last name is White,l the difference between her and Mimmy Hello Kitty’s height and weight ~~

    🙁 dun be upset…

  4. Awww, I’m so sorry, man. You really must be in hell. ;(

    ♥♥♥ MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU!!! ♥♥♥

  5. OMG!!
    iie totally hate hellokitty
    they are cute in some way but iie just hate them
    iie just cant think of why your wife so love them
    dont she feel disgust living in a house with hellokitty all around
    iie think ur wife is just crazy!!
    spending so much money just to buy all hellokitty thing
    why didnt she spare a thought for you??
    hellokitty is just a cartoon character
    so why so many people like your wife love them
    of course iie am not saying loving hellokitty is wrong
    but ur wife are too much!!
    she is wasting all the money that euu earn so hard in hellokitty

  6. I feel your pain. My sister (who I live with, God help me) is a kitty fanatic. Just one example of my pain – I used to have a lovely stainless steel toaster that made normal toast. One morning I come out and there is this blue and white piece of evil on the counter. Trying to hold down the bile that rises in my throat at the very sight of it I try to have my morning toast anyway. The dark horror reveals inteself in full after I remove those once pure little slices of bread. There, burned like satan’s own mark into the toast, is a hello kitty head. I ate it, imagining that I was consuming the real deal, killing her slowly, bite by bite. It didn’t help.

    I too know weird HK facts that haunt my nightmares. I feel that onl;y extensive therapy can help me now, well, that and an axe.

  7. Aw I just want to give you a hug! And it really surprised me to learn that Hello Kitty was born in London! Crazy! Since you know Sanrio was founded in Japan… >> I guess they wanted to spice it up a bit to admit everything isn’t made in Japan…or China for that matter. 😛

  8. They have been studying propranolol for a number of years to aid in dulling unpleasant and traumatizing memories. Could be your ticket out of Kitty Hell (pending FDA approval, of course!).


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