Cutting Scarification

It’s already been well established that Hello Kitty fanatics are, to put it diplomatically, fanatical. In being so, they go far beyond what most of us normal people would consider, for lack of a better word, sane. Usually this merely means buying lots of useless Hello Kitty crap, but apparently some are willing to go to painful lengths for the evil feline:

Hello Kitty scarification

Of course, I have fallen once again into the classic Hello Kitty Hell trap of believing that it couldn’t get any worse than the Hello Kitty tattoos for body modification. I never learn…it always gets worse. Apparently true Hello Kitty devotion means splitting you skin open to permanently scar Hello Kitty’s image into your skin. Again, I hope this person really wanted Hello Mimmy (Hello Kitty’s sister) and not Hello Kitty on her arm (it still bothers me that I know the difference) because it doesn’t look like those scars will be coming off once the cuts have healed…

Sent in by Morgan (via modblog) who should have to suffer the same treatment for thinking it was – in any way, shape or form – a good idea to bring this to my attention.

Hello Kitty Zombie Tattoo II

Every time I get a new Hello Kitty tattoo sent to me, I naively think that the number of people who would ever consider doing something like that has been exhausted and no others will show up in my email box. Especially when I get one that is like the Hello Kitty zombie tattoo, I figure that there would not be any need for an alternative Hello Kitty zombie tattoo (isn’t a single Hello Kitty zombie tattoo enough?) Obviously, this is the hopeful delusions of someone stuck in Hello Kitty Hell because we all know that Hello Kitty is never satisfied with something until she has made a million versions. So it really shouldn’t have surprised me that a new Hello kitty zombie tattoo showed up in my email:

Hello Kitty Frankenstein tattoo

I would have pretty much determined that all these Hello Kitty tattoos are the sign of the Apocalypse being right around the corner except for the fact that we all know that Sanrio would be making Apocalypse Hello Kitty items in celebration of the event if it were that close at hand. You know it won’t be long before someone comes forward with a full body Hello Kitty tattoo and my ultimate fear is that it’s going to be my wife. It just shows that the evil feline can continue to drive my Hello Kitty Hell into deeper depths no matter how low she has ventured in the past.

Sent in by Andi who should have to get this tattoo (and all the others) for ever thinking it was a good idea to send this to me…

Hello Kitty Electronic Toilet Paper Dispenser

Once again, Sanrio and Hello Kitty provide another items that instantly becomes a front-runner for the most useless product in the world. Of course, this makes no difference to my wife that has her heart set on one of these Hello Kitty electronic toilet paper dispensers for Christmas:

Hello Kitty toilet paper dispenser

In classic Hello Kitty sales pitch style, the advertising copy trumps the low cost of using this device which only uses $1 a year in power to operate. Of course, that savings has little meaning when the unit itself costs approximately $220 (24,000 yen) which Hello Kitty seems to have conveniently forgotten while explaining how energy efficient the gadget is. And what do you get for that $220? The Hello Kitty toilet paper dispenser can be pre-program so that your exact favorite length of toilet paper will appear when pressing the button. That’s right. You can choose one of nine different length settings (each 20 centimeters difference) so that you never have more or less toilet paper than you really want for $220 and $1 a year in energy costs (if the thing doesn’t break after the first few uses).

While it really couldn’t make our bathroom look any worse than it already does and we have the Hello Kitty toilet paper that would match it perfectly, there is always the inconvenient problem that I’m not actually allowed to use the Hello Kitty toilet paper for its intended purpose which pretty much makes the entire gadget useless which pretty much sums up all gadgets in Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty Skull Bow Tattoo II

It’s disturbing when something I post here inspires someone to go out and get a tattoo (or two) – the Hello Kitty skull bow tattoos:

Hello Kitty skull bows tattoo

This is what I received:

These are my Skull bow tattoos. They were inspired by the hello kitty tattoo with the skull in the bow. I’m obsessed with hello kitty so of course I love your site. sorry!

I’m not sure if Hello Kitty’s bow without the face is any better than the complete evil feline and it’s completely beyond me why someone would want to place the bows where they appear to have been placed. My biggest worry is that one day the rest of Hello Kitty will appear which definitely would not be a pretty site…

Sent in by Katy who has given herself enough punishment by getting those tattoos in the first place…

Hello Hellish Kitty

On a very rare occasion, I come across something Hello Kitty that I actually like. On these days I have to stop, pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming, then put on just enough of a smile that my wife can’t discern whether I’m smiling or critically analyzing the evil feline in question. When these acceptable Hello Kitties come along, they almost are always something that reveals the true Hello Kitty:

Hello Hellish Kitty

wife: “Are you smiling?!?”

me: “No, I’m critically analyzing it…” (beaming with pleasure inside)

wife: “Why would someone do something like that?”

me: “hmmmmm…” (trying to keep the laughs from bursting out)

wife: “Hello Kitty doesn’t have a mouth. She could never take a bite like that!”

me: “hmmmmm…” (wondering if Hello Kitty doesn’t have a mouth, why do I have to always listen to her sing her theme song…but letting it quickly pass to concentrate on the joy of the drawing more)

wife: “This is really disgusting and wrong!” (beginning to get angry)

me: “hmmmmm…” (enjoying the drawing even more as time passes)

wife: “Aren’t you offended by this?!”

me: “hmmmmmmm…” (thinking: “not in the least bit”)

wife: “Are you sure you aren’t smiling?!?”

me: “No, I’m critically analyzing it…”

It’s nice to see that there are others that can see the true Hello Kitty for what she really is. I actually think I felt a chill in Hello Kitty Hell…

Left by Alyssa in the comments – who I owe a beer if we ever meet for actually showing me something Hello Kitty that I could enjoy…

Hello Kitty Macy's Thanksgiving Parade Float

I’m still getting things from Halloween when news like this is sent to me (it is very Hello Kitty like to make one holiday blend into the next so there is never a time when a holiday isn’t being celebrated by her):

Hello Kitty Macys Parade Float

Apparently Hello Kitty has been added to this year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving parade. This is something right out of one of a horror movie – could there really be anything scarier than a giant Hello Kitty hoovering over you? Guess who is going to be having Hello Kitty Hell nightmares tonight

Sent in by Mike who should have to spend the entire parade underneath Hello Kitty for letting my wife know about this which has her now hounding me with the idea that we should go to see this…

Hello Kitty Halloween Costume V

And the Halloween Hello Kitty costumes keep coming:

Hello Kitty Halloween costume

With this note in the email:

haha enjoy this for your rants and raves!!! her name is candi kaboom…and her hobbies include dressing up like hello kitty!!!

There are so many things disturbing about this photo that I’m not sure where even to begin and therefore I think I will simply let all of you comment away. Of course, I can’t leave the post without making one small comment myself – it seems perfectly appropriate that someone named “candi kaboom” would be a Hello Kitty fanatic and why Hello Kitty fanaticism scares the hell out of me…

Sent in by Jill who should have to walk around like this all year as her punishment for reminding me how disturbing Hello Kitty Hell can be at its worst…

Hello Kitty Halloween Costume IV

It doesn’t seem like Hello Kitty fanatics want Halloween to end and I continue to get more emails of pumpkins (I’ve added a couple more sent in) and costumes:

Hello Kitty Halloween costume

Hello Kitty Halloween costume

Hello Kitty Halloween costume

This is what the email said:

I saw some of your other hello kitty costumes so i thought I would send you pictures of mine (it’s totally badass) Though most of the night I didn’t wear it as I was too busy smoking and drinking (are there hello kitty cigarettes yet?)

It took me 47 hours and your website actually inspired me to make it! I really hope the pics show up on your site as I love it 🙂 it’s opened my hello kitty eyes ^^

It’s quite disturbing that any one would spend 47 hours working on a Hello Kitty costume. It’s even more disturbing that anyone would consider Hello Kitty to be “badass” in any way, shape or form. But far the most disturbing part is that my blog is now inspiring Hello Kitty fanatics and their fanaticism – a very sad day in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Corpse Esproc who should have to wear that costume everyday as punishment for thinking it was a good idea to send me these photos and prolong my Hello Kitty Halloween Hell…

Hello Kitty Hell Fan Art

hmmmm, I received my first Hello Kitty Hell fan art today:

Hello Kitty Hell fan art

I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing since I fear that I’m the person that Hello Kitty is holding…

Sent in by buggy who should make sure that the helicopters and planes are using more lethal weapons in the next piece of art

Hello Kitty Gold Pocket Calendar

Well, you can’t say that Sanrio doesn’t beat themes to death when they know that Hello kitty fanatics will line up to buy the most useless things. With Hello Kitty fanatics already purchasing the Hello Kitty gold business card, the Hello Kitty gold personal business card and even a set of Hello Kitty gold playing cards, how is a Hello Kitty fanatic to resist the Hello Kitty gold pocket calendar?

Hello Kitty gold calendar

Hello Kitty gold pocket calendar

Hello Kitty gold wallet calendar

The pocket calendar card is covered with 0.6 grams of 99.99% gold – who else but Hello Kitty would charge $57 (6,300 yen) for you to find out the date? Of course, you probably already know why this scares the hell out of me. With Sanrio’s current quest to cover everything you put into your purse with 99.99% gold, it shouldn’t be long before they apply this to the Hello Kitty condom and make a special set of them as well – and that really would be Hello Kitty Hell…