There is not much in life that I can be thankful to the evil feline for, but one thing is that I will never get sick again. I already made this decision when I ran into the Hello Kitty scrubs (or if I do, I will just let myself die instead of letting myself suffer through what I will likely find at the hospital which will undoubtedly will be far more painful). The latest device one has to fear if they should happen to hurt themselves is the Hello Kitty wheelchair (with interchangeable Hello Kitty wheelchair spoke guards so that you can suffer — and makes all those around you do so as well — in multi colors)
Month: May 2010
Hello Kitty Graduation Cap
It’s when I get emails like this that I fear for the future generations of the human race. There really should be a rule at every college that if you feel that Hello Kitty should be on your graduation cap when you are about to graduate, you forfeit your degree and have to begin your education from kindergarten again:
Hello Kitty Briefs
Living in Hello Kitty Hell ensures that there are plenty of mentally traumatic experiences that have to be survived on a regular basis. That being said, some of these are much more traumatic than others. The existence of Hello Kitty low rise underwear for men was one such instance and became even more traumatic when a variety of themed Hello Kitty underwear showed up at our door.
Now most people would see the above as proof that the evil feline had finally reached her limits. Of course, they would be wrong. Hello Kitty is always able to make something that one would assume could never get worse, oh so much more so. The Hello Kitty men’s skimpy briefs are further proof of this:
Hello Kitty Pizza Minis
There was one point that the only thing I hadn’t seen was Hello Kitty pizza and Hello Kitty beer (which, of course, I have since seen). One would assume that this would pretty much indicate that the world was coming to an end and there would be no need to go any further, but that would be greatly underestimating the evil feline and her desire to not only co-opt everything possible, but also every variation of everything. Thus someone inexplicably thought it would be a good idea to create Hello Kitty mini pizzas:
Hello Kitty Puppy
Of all living things on earth that may have a comparable Hello Kitty Hell to my own, the closest may be the dogs of Hello Kitty owners. When your owner thinks it’s a good idea to give you a Hello Kitty ID tattoo or simply dress you up like this (or this or this or this — it is quite sad that I could keep going on and on), being a dog owned by a Hello Kitty fanatic can’t be an easy life.
Knowing this, it becomes plainly obvious when a creature did something beyond evil in their past life, and now the karma has come back to haunt them in their new form. There is no other explanation when you see a photo like this:
Hello Kitty Oreo Cookies
In her never ending attempt to place the Hello Kitty label on anything and everything possible, the evil feline now wants to ruin cookies and milk for the entire world. There is no other explanation for someone wanting to create a Hello Kitty Oreo:
Hello Kitty Scrubs
I ended up in the hospital emergency room last week (luckily I didn’t end up in a Hello Kitty hospital or a Hello Kitty examination room). Now, most people would view a trip to the emergency room as a negative experience, but when you live in Hello Kitty Hell, things tend to get a bit warped. All of a sudden I found myself someplace that was (seemingly) void of the Hello Kitty, so as I sat in the emergency waiting room, I was actually beginning to think that regular visits to the emergency room might not be such a bad idea.
The delusion that I would not meet the evil feline even in the emergency room was soon shattered. While I managed to avoid the Hello Kitty blood pressure gauge, I wasn’t so lucky when it came to what the nurse that did the initial screening wore when checking me into the emergency room – Hello Kitty scrubs: