Hello Kitty Gas Mask Toxic Shock Tattoo

I think it is time to begin to worry for the world and the human race when Hello Kitty tattoos continue to fill up my email box. The latest being a Hello Kitty toxic shock tattoo with Hello Kitty in a gas mask:

Hello Kitty toxic tattoo

While obviously any Hello Kitty tattoo is disturbing in itself, the irony of Hello Kitty being the most toxic character in the world can’t go unnoticed (although it would have been more appropriate if Hello Kitty was in the form of gas and being sucked into the gas mask instead of wearing it). It would not surprise me if Sanrio has invented some type of toxic gas that they spread across the world that when breathed in increases Hello Kitty fanatics’ fanaticism. Of course, even if this ever came out, Sanrio would still use it to their advantage by making Hello Kitty gas masks for everyone to wear…which would pretty much on par with the way things in Hello Kitty Hell develop…

Sent in by Lynn who really should be forced to wear a Hello Kitty gas mask for eternity for thinking that sending me this photo of her teammate’s tattoo from her “Toxic Shock” roller derby team was a good idea in any way, shape or form…

Hello Kitty Pizza

I made a comment in one of my previous posts that Hello Kitty is on everything except pizza and beer and that in time, she will probably be on those too. Well, it seems that one of those can be crossed off the list with the introduction of Hello Kitty pizza:

Hello Kitty pizza

Hello Kitty pizza

There aren’t many things in life that can stop me from eating pizza, but this is one of them. There is something seriously wrong in the world when pizza is being made in the shape of the evil feline’s head with a slab of mystery meat as her bow.

Of course, this plays right into my wife’s ultimate goal of serving only Hello Kitty food and she is already searching the local stores to see if we can get some to try. Yet one more reason to note that things can always get worse in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Andrea who really should have to eat only Hello Kitty food for the rest of her life for thinking that it could in any way be a good idea to bring this to my wife’s attention.

Update: Even after all this, people think that attempts at Hello Kitty pizza is a good idea:

hello kitty pizza

Sent in by Gloria

Sent in by joe (via capitu)

Sent in my renaldo

square Hello Kitty pizza with olives

Sent in by sally

hello kitty pizza full body

Sent in by Amy

Hello Kitty Sweets Pastry Shop

When emails like this show up in my mailbox, I know it’s going to be a Hello Kitty Hellish day. Anything Hello Kitty is bad enough, but when you combine Hello Kitty with something else my wife likes (such as pastries or sweets), then things get a bit out of control. So it was no surprise that my wife is doubly determined to make it to Taiwan (via Hello Kitty airline and through Hello Kitty airport) to get dessert at a pastry shop dedicated to Hello Kitty:

Hello Kitty sweets

Hello Kitty Sweets sign

Hello Kitty Sweets store

Hello Kitty cake

There really should be a law dictating that Hello Kitty themed shops should not be allowed to exist. These are the worst for those who live with a Hello Kitty fanatic because it’s a “destination place” and there is never anything good that can come about when you are taking a trip with the sole purpose of going to a Hello Kitty themed shop.

Having been dragged to themed shops like this more than my fair share of times, you quickly learn the types of people that are there. Obviously, the place is overrun with Hello Kitty fanatics which can often be worse than the themed store itself. Then there are the partners of the fanatics that fall into one of two categories. Most are the young men that think that by taking the Hello Kitty fanatic to the Hello Kitty themed shop, they are going to get some that evening not knowing the hellish path they have chosen to take. The others are like me who fervently try to warn the younger men to bail out asap or get ready for a life of Hello Kitty Hell.

It is in places like this where lives of Hello Kitty Hell begin…

Sent in by ed (via daisy’s blog) who really should have to eat all his meals at Hello Kitty themed shops for even thinking for a second that sending this to me would be a good idea…

Hello Kitty Humiliation – Photo of Horror 3

It’s my nightmare come true. No other words needed…

Hello Kitty humiliation

Hello Kitty humiliation

Left in the comments by Suzanne who says “My boyfriend dressed up in Hello Kitty stuff, but its only because the messageboard he visits had a thread called humiliating photos of yourself you wouldn’t want people to see so we took some photos” (it’s seems that he succeeded quite well and probably more than he ever anticipated since his girlfriend is leaving them on blogs like mine – someone is going to have a hard time leaving the house for awhile). Of course, this fails to address the reason why all the Hello Kitty crap was available in the first place…

Hello Kitty XM8 Rifle

Note: Sanrio legal counsel has contacted me because they realize that their fans are not bright enough to know what is an official Sanrio product and what is not. They didn’t feel that this would be a problem until the fans started contacting them directly, and they soon realized how painful it was to actually have to converse with a fanatic, and not even they had the patience to actually do this. As a result, they sent out a notice to me begging for me to take down my posts about guns that had the evil feline on them just so they didn’t have to ever correspond with the fanatics again. When I explained that they brought it on themselves, they pleaded that I spare them the torture that they inflict on me on a daily basis and asked me to post the following, Since I actually have a conscience, here is what they have to say:

Sanrio® has informed us that Sanrio is not involved in the manufacture or sale of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, and does not allow Hello Kitty® to be used to market guns or weapons. The items shown in this post are either digitally fabricated images or were custom-decorated without Sanrio’s permission. Sanrio alleges that creating false digitized images of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, or custom-decorating a real gun or weapon with Hello Kitty art, infringes Sanrio’s copyrights and trademarks, and may violate criminal laws.

And onto the original post…

Hello Kitty has obviously decided that there is money to be made as a military arms supplier with all the Hello Kitty firepower (Hello Kitty hand gunsHello Kitty AR 15Hello Kitty assault rifleHello Kitty AK-47) that she has been assembling lately. The latest edition to this firepower onslaught is the Hello Kitty XM8 Rifle:

Hello Kitty XM8 rifle

The evil feline not only wants to create everything in her image, she’s also intent on arming the entire world in her style (hey, where there is a buck to be made….) which pretty much where anyone living in Hello Kitty Hell thought she would be headed. It won’t be long before you see those “The Few, The Proud, The Marines” commercials with a “sponsored by Hello Kitty” in the corner.

With this latest entry, I even had to create a new category of Hello Kitty Guns – how damn scary is that? And just another indication of how Hello Kitty Hell continues to expand…

Sent in by Brittany who should suffer some intolerable torture for even considering for a split second that sending me this photo would be a good idea…

Hello Kitty Hat – Photo of Horror 2

As if the Hello Kitty photo of horror wasn’t enough to show the pain that the significant other of Hello Kitty fanatics must endure (see, if you don’t have a Hello Kitty fanatic in your life, you may have made the terrible assumption that taking a photo like that was reserved for only special times such as a trip to Puroland), here are some more photos sent to me showing how Hello Kitty fanatics are willing to make their husbands wear Hello Kitty head gear just because they think it’s cute.

Hello Kitty hat

Hello Kitty hat

You know that terrified look that wild animals get when they are trapped and know that death is just around the corner? That is the look in this guy’s eyes. Shifting off to the side with a last second hope that there may be some type of escape only to realize that his life is trapped in Hello Kitty Hell and there is no escape. Unfortunately, I know the feeling and recognize the panicked look all too well.

It once again goes to show that Hello Kitty fanatics have no clue of the torture they administer to their significant others. This look of terror is “cute’ in The Hello Kitty fanatic’s eyes, and they somehow convince themselves that he is actually enjoying himself. Then they take it a step further and send the photos to a blog like mine where they get posted to humiliate the man even further.

Worse, my wife then wants to know why I am not willing to do such things when other husbands will. This ultimately leads my wife to attempt to get me to do so, and me eventually spending the night on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag.

Actually posting these photos was quite a dilemma. To do so is instant humiliation for the poor guy, and I know that he will not be able to leave his home for the next month due to embarrassment. At the same time, nobody would believe this actually takes place if I don’t (seriously, would anyone in their right mind think that dressing a man in a Hello Kitty hat would be a positive event in any way, shape or form and that people actually do it without photo proof?). I do need to send out a big “thank you” to him for taking another one for the Hello Kitty Hell team…

Sent in by Kelly, who deserves a special kind of Hell for 1) thinking it was a good idea to do this to her husband 2) thinking it was a good idea to take photos of the event 3) thinking it was a good idea to send the photos to me…

Hello Kitty Psycho Test 3

In the third installment of the appropriately named Hello Kitty Psycho Test (refer to psycho tests one and psycho test two), Hello Kitty once again delves into my mind to spew out my inner thoughts by asking me which magical mushroom I think is poisonous (which certainly would pin down my psychological standing) while flipping me off sucking her finger in contemplation of my psychological make up. See for yourself: Hello Kitty “Fill In The Blanks” Psychological Test

Hello Kitty Psycho test

Here are my results (grammar comes directly from Hello Kitty):

Basically You Could Be Stressful Easily

Luckily you are a straightforward person always voice your concerns. Some of the stress would then be released. Watch your mouth since you possibly over-expressed which would cause others unhappy.

Then stress comes back to you again. For this type try aromatherapy will calm you down.

It seems that aromatherapy is the answer to all my ills. Why do I have a feeling that there is a Hello Kitty aroma therapy kit that will be just perfect for this waiting at the local store? And now that my wife knows that Hello Kitty has recommended aromatherapy to calm me, it’s just a matter of time before it shows up here and I take another step deeper into Hello Kitty Hell…

Send in by mandy who should have to live her life in strict adherence to the advice of these psycho tests for even the thought that it would be a good idea to send this to me to see…

Hello Kitty Edible Fruit Bouquet

Just one more indication that Hello Kitty fans can’t leave even a bad idea alone. I was already cringing at the Hello Kitty flower bouquets, but there was no way that the evil feline would stop at that. Instead, she morphed the bouquet from flowers to fruit creating a Hello Kitty edible fruit bouquet:

Hello Kitty fruit bouquet

Yes, those are Hello Kitty pineapple shapes which again takes another bad idea (Hello Kitty Fruit) and takes it to another level by making it into the evil feline’s image. I’m sure if one of these ever arrives at our house, I will have to weigh whether it’s simply better to trash it immediately or first violently bite Hello Kitty’s head off, both of which would likely relegate me to the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag for a long period of time.

Even worse, it all comes in a keepsake tin so that you have to remember the horrifying experience every time I see it (there is something about these keepsakes that Hello Kitty fanatics absolutely love which of course only deepens the Hello Kitty Hell pit).

Of course, my wife loves it and thinks that it’s a brilliant idea. “Who wouldn’t want to receive a fruit basket filled with Hello Kitty?” which pretty much means I’m going to have to face this monstrosity at some point in the future. Just one more thing to look forward to in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Mike who should have to eat all his food in the shape of Hello Kitty for even having the notion that sending this to me would be a good idea…

Update: Worse than these actually existing is that some people think it’s a good idea to purchase them and give as a gift:

Hello Kitty fruit bouquet

Hello Kitty pineapple

Sent in by Caitlin

Hello Kitty Assault Rifle (update)

Note: Sanrio legal counsel has contacted me because they realize that their fans are not bright enough to know what is an official Sanrio product and what is not. They didn’t feel that this would be a problem until the fans started contacting them directly, and they soon realized how painful it was to actually have to converse with a fanatic, and not even they had the patience to actually do this. As a result, they sent out a notice to me begging for me to take down my posts about guns that had the evil feline on them just so they didn’t have to ever correspond with the fanatics again. When I explained that they brought it on themselves, they pleaded that I spare them the torture that they inflict on me on a daily basis and asked me to post the following, Since I actually have a conscience, here is what they have to say:

Sanrio® has informed us that Sanrio is not involved in the manufacture or sale of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, and does not allow Hello Kitty® to be used to market guns or weapons. The items shown in this post are either digitally fabricated images or were custom-decorated without Sanrio’s permission. Sanrio alleges that creating false digitized images of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, or custom-decorating a real gun or weapon with Hello Kitty art, infringes Sanrio’s copyrights and trademarks, and may violate criminal laws.

And onto the original post…

There are far too many readers of this blog that have way too much time on their hands if the amount of people who sent me photos of the Hello Kitty AR-15 assault rifle (which I mentioned previously) is any indication. Apparently a lot of people thought it was a photoshop job, so to prove it wasn’t he took photos of it with his wife using it at the firing range.

Hello Kitty assault rifle

No doubt that the military will be carrying these around soon. Seriously, I can’t think of anything more terrifying?

Sent in by 27 different readers (including the owner of riflegear), all of whom should have the wrath of Hello Kitty Hell fall down upon them for even thinking for a split second that it would be wise to send me this photo…

Update: A smiling Hello Kitty fanatic with an assault rifle really should be the definition of “scary” for the dictionary…

Hello Kitty assault rifle

Sent in by prlemph

Hello Kitty Hot and Sexy

I’ve grown used to getting email from Hello Kitty fans that take issue with my disgust of Hello Kitty to the point that they even wish death upon me, but this email was a change of pace. It is the first time I have received an email telling me that I don’t appreciate the “sexiness” and “hotness” of Hello Kitty:

in your hello kitty daze of hate, you fail to realize that hello kitty is the sexiest thing ever. there is nothing hotter than a girl dressed in only a hello kitty t-shirt and panties. Check these out!! hello kitty in all her sexiness. there is no way that you can say you hate hello kitty after seeing these!!

Here are the photos attached with the email:

Hello Kitty sexy

Hello Kitty sexy fashion

Hello Kitty sexy emo

Hello Kitty in bed

Hello Kitty necklace

Despite the urgings of the email, I still found myself in the bathroom relieving myself of caloric intake from the afternoon meal. There is something very wrong when Hello Kitty and sex appeal mix that should be obvious, but apparently some people don’t see. Furthermore, if it is Hello Kitty that is turning you on and not the woman herself, then you have created your own Hello Kitty Hell.

But in all fairness, I will let the readers judge since I do live in Hello Kitty Hell which does tend to warp perceptions when everything comes to you in shades of pink. Do these photos, because of the Hello Kitty theme, mean that Hello Kitty doesn’t have to be Hell or is this simply another attempt by the evil feline to brainwash every last soul into thinking that there can be times when Hello Kitty “isn’t all that bad?”

Sent in by greg who deserves to spend his life with a Hello Kitty fanatic for thinking that sending me these photos would be a good idea or that they would somehow relieve me from Hello Kitty Hell…