Month: April 2007

Hello Kitty Religion

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You probably assumed that Hello Kitty Hell could not get any worse, but as I have said time and again, Hello Kitty has a way of always topping herself. So it should come as no surprise that Hello Kitty Hell has gone into a completely new realm with the introduction of Hello Kitty religion. Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists – heck, even Scientologists have no reason to disagree with one another now that Hello Kitty has established her own religion.

Hello Kitty religion

Yes, Hello Kitty Hell has been bad, but having to look at Hello Kitty as the new deity certainly shows that it has been nothing up to this point (yep, hard for me even to believe those words came out). I wonder if this means I will have to go and pray weekly to a character that has no mouth (“because you can tell what Hello Kitty feels through your heart” – doesn’t that sound kind of cult religious creepy?)

Hello Kitty Mannequin

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OK, it’s stuff like this that freaks me out in Hello Kitty Hell. Hello Kitty on every conceivable product I have come to accept. Turning something not Hello Kitty into Hello Kitty to sell other products? That is exactly what they have done with this Hello Kitty mannequin:

Hello Kitty mannequin

It seems like there are some that would like to see Hello Kitty turn into a real live being (my wife already insists that she is – another clue as to whether or not you have a Hello Kitty fanatic on your hands), but even coming from Hello Kitty Hell, this is simply downright creepy – something straight out of a Hello Kitty horror movie. Of course, my wife thinks this would be a perfect thing to have to display her Hello Kitty clothes when she is not wearing them which presents one of those Hello Kitty Hell dilemmas – would Hello Kitty clothes on a mannequin or on my wife be worse? I hope I never have the chance to find out…

Hello Kitty Surfboard

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My wife’s latest Hello Kitty want is a Hello Kitty surfboard:

Hello Kitty surfboard

No, of course she doesn’t know how to surf.
No, of course she doesn’t want to learn to surf.
No, of course she doesn’t want to even consider taking it to the beach (“It might get scratched by the sand.”)

She has determined that it would make a cool wall hanging for a Hello Kitty summer theme room/house decorating. From the sound of her latest talking, it looks like I can expect seasonal themed Hello Kitty Hell to look forward to from now on…

Update: An alternative pattern to put more fear into your summer:

Sent in by Laura

Hello Kitty Banana Cover

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The thing about Hello Kitty Hell is that it will never end. Any normal person would assume that Hello Kitty would eventually run out of new things to stamp her little face on, but that is not how Hello Kitty works. When it becomes difficult to find items that haven’t already been Hello Kittified, there is a simple answer: invent new ones.

Hello Kitty banana cover

WTF?!? A Hello Kitty banana cover? Don’t bananas already come with their own naturally produced covers? That is how any normal person should react upon seeing this Hello Kitty product. Not my wife. “That is soooooo cute. We need some,” was her reaction in typical Hello Kitty Hell fashion.

Having lived in Hello Kitty Hell for a number of years, I have seen my share of completely useless Hello Kitty products. I have to say the Hello Kitty banana cover has to rank not only near the top of totally useless Hello Kitty products invented, but of all products ever invented. That being said, I have no doubt that the Hello Kitty apple and orange covers are already in the works…

Update: You really thought the evil feline could stop at one Hello Kitty banana cover?

hello kitty banana case

Sent in by leslie

Hello Kitty Computer Keyboard

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I knew this was bound to happen because it is, for lack of a better term, so Hello Kitty Hellish. My wife has been adding Hello Kitty computer accessories left and right: the USB powered Hello Kitty keyboard cleaner, the Hello Kitty USB foot warmers, and the Hello Kitty USB lap warmer — so what is the missing element? To start Hello Kittifying the computer itself. She took a big step in that direction when this arrived in the mail…the Hello Kitty keyboard.

Hello Kitty computer keyboard

Of course, there is no illusion that the Hello Kitty computer pimping is going to stop here. She is already on the lookout for “the perfect Hello Kitty computer” as well as exploring more Hello Kitty computer accessories to add. Which all points to Hello Kitty Hell moving beyond the current reality and becoming a virtual nightmare in the future…

Update: More Hello Kitty keyboards that would drive most people off the computer for life.

Hello Kitty keyboard

Hello Kitty computer keyboard

Hello Kitty pc keyboard

Sent in by stacyl (pink keyboard via number657).

hello kitty computer keyboard

Sent in by Vienne via Twitter

Hello Kitty Guitar Picks

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It shouldn’t come as any surprise that if Hello Kitty guitars come in several models and 7 different designs, that there are also a variety of Hello Kitty guitar picks:

Hello Kitty guitar pick black

Hello Kitty guitar pick motion

Hello Kitty guitar pick pink

I could go on a rant on why my wife needs Hello Kitty guitar picks when she doesn’t play the guitar, but we’ve already been down that path. Suffice to say, it’s one of those Hello Kitty fanatic things that will never make sense to the 99% of us (and if it does make sense to you, this is not something that you should be proud of). The only consolation with this particular collection is that they are small and I don’t have to see them on a daily basis…it’s not a good Hello Kitty Hell sign when you switch from feeling pain with each and every Hello Kitty purchase to where the pain is so intense that you actually feel some relief when the Hello Kitty item purchased is small so you won’t have to see it daily…

These photos were sent in by a number of readers – all of whom should have to listened to my wife play her Hello Kitty guitar…

Hello Kitty Star Wars Tattoo

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What’s worse than a Hello Kitty tattoo? How about a Hello Kitty Star Wars combination tattoo:

Hello Kitty Star Wars tattoo

Not many things leave me speechless in Hello Kitty Hell these days, but this is one that comes close…

Sent by starkitty (via idoru45 created from this painting) who should have to watch Star Wars and Hello Kitty in combination for the rest of her life…

Update: Let The Wookie Win, for some unfathomable reason, thought it would be a good idea to share her Hello Kitty Stormtrooper tattoo with me. The fact that one person has this tattoo is disturbing, but that fact that more than one does is downright scary…

Hello Kitty Stormtrooper Tattoo

Hello Kitty Tattoo

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My wife’s friend came by and proudly displayed her new Hello Kitty tattoo. There is nothing worse to a Hello Kitty fanatic than having someone do something that would indicate in any way that they were more of Hello Kitty fan than the fanatic. My wife doesn’t often get jealous when it comes to Hello Kitty (how could she with all this crap she has?), but that wasn’t the case this time. So my wife is now insisting that she needs to get a Hello Kitty tattoo (or more) and is searching for the perfect one at the moment. Unfortunately, there seem to be plenty of Hello Kitty tattoos to choose from:

hello kitty belt line tattoo

Left by kaylamuldoon via twitter

hello kitty lion tattoo

Left by Jessica on Facebook

Hello Kitty tattoo

Hello Kitty tattoo blue

Hello Kitty waist tattoo

Left by Steffijo on Facebook

Hello Kitty tattoo bones

Hello Kitty tattoo flowers

Hello Kitty neck tattoo

Left by Rosemarie on Facebook

hello kitty dragon tattoo

Left by on Angelia Facebook

While the thought of anyone wanting to place Hello Kitty on their skin permanently is disturbing in its own right (wife: “It’s so cute and sexy and a tribute to Hello Kitty”), it also will add another aspect to Hello Kitty Hell. One of the only times that I don’t have to see Hello Kitty is when my wife doesn’t have any clothes on — a tattoo would make Hello Kitty Hell a 24 hour a day ordeal.

hello kitty shoulder tattoo

Sent in by Whitney

hello kitty accessory tattoo

Sent in by Domonique

Hello Kitty Barf Bag

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It is an extremely rare occasion when I’m sent a Hello Kitty photo that actually is appropriate to my plight:

Man, I feel for your situation. I just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone. While my girlfriend’s obsession isn’t on the same level as your wife’s, it’s enough to let me know the torture that Hello Kitty brings. So I thought you might like this.

Hello Kitty barf bag

Now if I have to have something with Hello Kitty on it, I can’t think of anything more appropriate to represent Hello Kitty Hell than a Hello Kitty barf bag. If my wife does decide to torture me with a consistent menu of Hello Kitty food in the future, when I get sick I can simply say I am filling up the bag with Hello Kitty and the thought of doing something like that brings a smile to my face…

Thanks to Brian who definitely deserves to never have to eat any Hello Kitty food from his girlfriend…