Hello Kitty fanatics have a way of ruining breakfast. Be it Hello Kitty coffee, Hello Kitty waffles or Hello Kitty pancakes, there is always the danger that the evil feline will show up on your plate while you’re still half asleep to scare the hell out of you for the rest of the day. I know because this has happened to me far to often. We can now add another possible breakfast horror to the list — Hello Kitty scrambled eggs which are absolutely not something any sane person would want to wake up to in the morning:
It’s more than a bit ironic that despite Hello Kitty having no mouth, she has quite an oral branding fixation. This irony is all the worse because the Hello Kitty oral branding tends to be some of the worst. It’s difficult to keep one’s sanity when you see things like the Hello Kitty tooth, the Hello Kitty retainers, the Hello Kitty tongue stud and the Hello Kitty tongue and lip tattoos. One would assume that these disasters would bring Hello Kitty fanatics to their senses and that they would realize that Hello Kitty does not belong anywhere near their mouth, but that would be making the terrible assumption that Hello Kitty fanatics have common sense. Thus someone thought that Hello Kitty braces would be a good idea:
Having a Hello Kitty fanatic in your life is bad. Really bad. So bad that nobody except those suffering through their own Hello Kitty Hell can even understand. My sympathies go out to you, but is actually can be worse. Seriously, I don’t think that there can be something quite as terrifying and sadistic as a follower of the evil feline that also likes to cook. All you have to do is look at Hello Kitty sushi (or even worse, Hello Kitty spam sushi) and Hello Kitty bentos to realize the horrifying truth to this statement. Or Hello Kitty onigiri:
It sucks to be a Star Trek fan if there is a Hello Kitty fanatic in the vicinity. If you have to ask why, then obviously you haven’t seen the abominations such as the Hello Kitty Klingon, the Hello Kitty Captain Kirk and the Hello Kitty Spock. And we all know that Hello Kitty fanatics can’t resist terrible Hello Kitty tattoo combinations, so it really shouldn’t come as a surprise that some delusional fan thought that getting a Hello Kitty Spock tattoo would actually be a good idea:
What is it about Hello Kitty and eyes? Hello Kitty contact lenses are one of the most disturbing (and that is saying a lot considering the amount of disturbing this blog produces) items I have come across, so artwork depicting the evil feline as eyes just makes Hello Kitty creepier than she already is (which again, is saying a lot considering how creepy she is without doing a thing).
I’m not sure exactly what the obsession is with Hello Kitty and cars (then again, I don’t understand the obsession with Hello Kitty and anything, so that isn’t saying much), but there is an annoying trend of branding every car accessory possible with the evil feline. The Hello Kitty exhaust pipe, Hello Kitty car headlights and, of course, Hello Kitty car rims are just a few of many examples. Add the Hello Kitty car door lock to the mix of these hideous car accessories:
Anyone that has followed this blog for even a short time has had to face the undeniable fact that there is absolutely nothing that Hello Kitty fanatics won’t ink onto their skin as long as the evil feline is a part of the tattoo in some way. You knew that once that once the Hello Kitty Jason appeared, it was simply a matter of time before someone (for some unfathomable reason) decided that a Hello Kitty Friday the 13th Jason tattoo would be a good idea:
Hello Kitty has already started producing Hello Kitty mind altering chemicals (Yes, she also makes this and this which is what probably first came to mind when I mentioned mind altering chemicals), so it makes perfect sense that they would want to profit from this by selling Hello Kitty gas masks as well: