One mans hell with cute overload
Once again, there is no doubt that the evil feline knows her market. She goes out and produces mass amounts of junk, but somehow convinces the fanatics that the junk is actually valuable. And what are these fanatics to do when they have all this junk that they have been brainwashed into thinking is something that other people will covet? Sell them even more junk in the form of a Hello Kitty safe:
If you ever end up living with a fanatic of the evil feline, take a small piece of advice that will save you countless instances of humiliation from both friends and strangers. Never, ever, get a joint bank account with a Hello Kitty fanatic. This may seem like advice you can ignore, but you’ll quickly regret not following it when one day the face personalised Hello Kitty debit card ends up at your house:
This really shouldn’t come as a surprise. I mean, you can already get Hello Kitty credit cards and Hello Kitty checks, so it really isn’t that far of a reach to combine them together, throw in some exclusive stationary and watch the Hello Kitty fanatics come stampeding to the doors to open up a Hello Kitty bank account:
While it isn’t too hard to see the irony of a savings account created by a character whose sole purpose is to separate you from your money, it still will likely be a grand success since Hello Kitty fanatics can’t resist anything that’s Hello Kitty. The banking account does seem to me to come with the perfectly appropriate logo for a Hello Kitty bank account: A big Hello Kitty in blue flipping you off.
Yes, I realize that this is merely the “classic” Hello Kitty style, but it seems to me that the creators at Sanrio knew where things were going and planted a little humor into her design (or reality in the case of those of us living in Hello Kitty Hell).
So what exactly do you get for opening a Hello Kitty bank account?
Dah Sing Bank brings to you the first Hello Kitty Consolidated Account. This Hello Kitty account integrates the benefits of both a savings & checking account and you will receive all the associated Hello Kitty stationery: a unique Hello Kitty monthly statement, and an ATM card & cheque book, so you can enjoy managing your finances with Hello Kitty.
Upon opening a Hello Kitty Consolidated Account, you can enjoy a Hello Kitty statement, ATM Card and Cheque Book specially designed for fans of Hello Kitty. The ATM card will also be provided free of charge so that you can enjoy yourself while managing your finances with this adorable Hello Kitty stationery.
I’m sure that Hello Kitty will be the one enjoying herself as you manage your finances with her as she subliminally sends you messages to spend all your money on her. Of course, my wife thinks this is a wonderful idea and wishes that she could get an account like this at a bank near us which means they will likely be sprouting up left and right in the years to come. Just one more thing to look forward to in Hello Kitty Hell…
Sent in by several readers including Jennifer, hksings, dmorph and ley (via dah sing bank) who all should just turn all your money over to the evil feline right now for even thinking that showing something like this to my wife would be a good idea.
Now that it is holiday shopping season (at least to Sanrio which officially launched the Christmas selling season a few days ago in Japan), my wife is drooling at all the new stuff being launched. Another of the many embarrassing things about living in Hello Kitty Hell is that gifts to friends and relatives often come with the evil pink feline on them. I no longer even try to explain — when they shoot me that look of “what the hell is this monstrosity?” I simply give them my “hey, I’m living in Hello Kitty Hell and I have no idea how to explain any of it” look, which, now that I think about it, really should come with a lot more tears and sobbing than it does. I know that I’m going to have to be practicing this look a lot this holiday season as my wife looks at all the things she wants to give as gifts. Her first priority is for my sister’s kids, and she has her eyes set on a Hello Kitty ATM bank:
My understanding of a bank is a place to save money, but Hello Kitty obviously can’t promote saving when there is so much of her Hello Kittified merchandise that needs to be bought. Thus, the Hello Kitty ATM bank comes with a “Hello Kitty cash card” so you can take out your money just as easy as you put it in. This seems to be the perfect illustration of how she digs her merchandising claws into Hello Kitty fanatics from the earliest of ages and then never lets go – thus laying the foundation to create the Hello Kitty Hell I live in today for many more unfortunate souls in the future…
You thought that Hello Kitty would stop at religion and sex? Not a chance. It now appears her fans want to make her a part of our financial lives:
It would not surprise me in the least if Sanrio is waging a massive campaign to try and convince the US government to replace George with the face of Hello Kitty because as my wife commented, “Oh, wouldn’t it be soooo cute if Hello Kitty was on all our money?” Yes, another classic example of the Hello Kitty Hell I live in…
From miss kitty who emailed, “One of my closest friends stopped for gas tonight and got that bill back for his change. lol i think our money should read ‘In Hello Kitty We Trust’. I’m sure your wife would agree.” You know that Hello Kitty Hell is getting even worse when fanatics like that are sending me photos…
One of the biggest problems with living in Hello Kitty Hell is that if Hello Kitty happens to be on something, then that something can’t be thrown out. That means that whenever I open a drawer, something Hello Kitty usually emerges. It’s not enough that all our stamps are Hello Kitty stamps, but it seems that my wife has been collecting all the used Hello Kitty stamps that have been sent to her (and believe me, every letter and package she receives has Hello Kitty stamps on it since everyone knows what a fanatic she is).
My question is, what possible use can you have for several hundred used Hello Kitty stamps? It’s just a huge pile that will never be taken out of the drawer, but I can’t say this unless I want to risk ending up out on the sofa in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag (Hello Kitty fanatics don’t like to be questioned when it comes to collecting Hello Kitty). It has absolutely no use, yet it will never be thrown away because it is Hello Kitty. I’m not sure why I even bother trying to find out answers to such questions as it doesn’t matter if anything makes sense to a Hello Kitty fanatic…which typifies Hello Kitty Hell (lots of Hello Kitty making no sense…and me stuck among it all)
The problem with living in Japan is that there is absolutely no place that Hello Kitty can’t be found. No matter how innocent the task, Hello Kitty will be there in some shape and form. Take, for instance, a letter I wrote recently. I had the entire letter written, addressed and ready to send when I asked my wife where our stamps were (I do almost all my corresponding over the Internet by email and it’s my wife that sends out a lot of packages and letters for her work). Now, one would assume that postage stamps would be postage stamps, but that is not the case in Hello Kitty Hell.
The Japanese post office actually has made Hello Kitty stamps.
and apparently my wife purchased all of them (only slight exaggeration). I can safely say we have well over $500 worth of Hello Kitty stamps (and only Hello Kitty stamps) in our house which means my letter went out with Hello Kitty plastered on it. Believe me, there can’t be a much more pitiful sight than watching a grown man place Hello Kitty stamps on his letters and it pretty much sums up Hello Kitty Hell…
Update: We don’t currently live in Japan and have no need for Japanese postal stamps, but my wife is getting all her friends back in Japan to buy these newly released Hello Kitty stamps for her. Typical Hello Kitty Hell…
Being a personal finance blogger, when it comes to choosing a credit card I look at which ones will provide me with the greatest advantage. The amount of cash back, what rewards I can receive and what services the credit card provides at no cost – all of which will ultimately save me money – are the primary factors look for when choosing a credit card.
This is not how a Hello Kitty fanatic chooses a credit card:
wife: I have to have this credit card!
me: You already have a credit card that gives you cash back on every purchase.
wife: But it doesn’t have Hello Kitty on it.
me: What is more important? Getting money back on every purchase or Hello Kitty? (boy, was that a stupid question for me to ask…)
wife: Hello Kitty
So, my wife immediately applied for the Hello Kitty MBNA credit card. The worst part? In the past I was constantly asking her to pay for everything with our cash back credit card to earn the free money, but rarely did she use it preferring to pay in cash (the Hello Kitty card does earn points, but the rewards are far less than our other card). Now that she has the Hello Kitty credit card, every single purchase goes on it. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if she has started to buy things just to show everyone her Hello Kitty credit card.
While this certainly qualifies as Hello Kitty Hell, I have a much bigger worry. What if they come out with multiple patterns of the Hello Kitty credit card?
Update: Was there ever any doubt that Hello Kitty credit cards would end up coming out in a multitude of patterns?
Sent in my numerous readers