August 2007 – Page 3 – Hello Kitty Hell

Hello Kitty Zombie Tattoo

August 3, 2007 by onezero

Hello Kitty tattoos were bad. The Hello Kitty Star Wars tattoo took things to a whole new level. The Hello Kitty batman tattoo topped even those so this latest Hello Kitty tattoo seems horrifyingly appropriate for Hello Kitty Hell:

This was accompanied by the following email:

First off, I am a HUGE hello kitty fan and love her do death.

I also love zombies so I thought it was the perfect match.

Anthony from Yankee Tattoo in Burlington, Vermont did this on Wednesday and I just wanted to share it with you.

There are so many things completely wrong with the tattoo and email that I don’t even know where to begin, but since I have to begin somewhere, it distresses me to no end that more and more of the Hello Kitty emails I get no longer ask me to show a photo to my wife, but are being written specifically to me. It is beyond my comprehension why Hello Kitty fanatics feel the urge “to share it with me” knowing that all I’m going to do is ridicule it because that is what I do in this blog — ridicule all things Hello Kitty.

It seems that even for Hello Kitty fans, Hello Kitty is no longer enough and the hybrid Hello Kitty is the tattoo of choice. Why anyone would want to mix Hello Kitty with anything other than possibly a barrel of dynamite is way beyond my comprehension, but apparently Hello Kitty fanatics, in their Hello Kitty daze (which coincidentally has the remarkable resemblance of a zombie stare), feel that a Hello Kitty zombie is cute.

wife: “See, even the dead are cute when they let Hello Kitty into their hearts.”

I keep hoping that I will find some redeeming quality about living in Hello Kitty Hell and day after day, I’m shown that not only is there nothing that comes close to being redeeming, but what I imagine is the worst that Hello Kitty Hell can get is only a preview of things to come…

Thanks to Erika who really should have to live with Hello Kitty zombies for even thinking that sending me this photo would be a good idea…

Update: Because there always have to be more than one Hello Kitty zombie tattoo:

Sent in by Patrick

Apparently Hello Kitty zombie likes hearts just as much as brains:

Sent in by numerous readers

Hello Kitty zombie tattoo below the belt

First sent in by Ray

Sent in by ruthven78

Sent in by Maria

Hello Kitty Banana

August 2, 2007 by onezero

While I already know that Hello Kitty produces the most useless products in the world, I had failed to see up to this point the grand scheme of Hello Kitty’s total take over. If you have a Hello Kitty banana cover, of course you must cover a Hello Kitty banana with it:

“Why in the world would anyone need a Hello Kitty banana?” is probably a cleaned up G-rated version of what just popped into your head upon seeing this (unless, of course, you are a Hello Kitty fanatic to which you think this us yet, the greatest thing ever). I mean seriously, why would anyone buy Hello Kitty brand bananas, right?

wife: “Because obviously (giving that look like I’m the stupidest person on earth and why does she have to explain the obvious to a grown man) they are the sweetest bananas produced.”

This, of course, has my wife thinking once again that an all Hello Kitty food diet would be a good thing for us and that is a step further into Hello Kitty Hell…

Thanks to Heather who should not only have to eat Hello Kitty bananas for the rest of her life, but carry them around in the Hello Kitty banana protector as well for sending me this photo.

Hello Kitty Media

August 1, 2007 by onezero

If you want to know why your newspapers and magazines are filled with crap, it’s because Hello Kitty has even brainwashed the media into Hello Kitty fanaticism where they can’t believe that Hello Kitty is anything but “fantastic”:

Hi There,

I work for the World Entertainment News Network (WENN) where we have offices all around the world. WENN is a news and picture agency that provides the media worldwide with news, photos & features. A friend of mine has came across your website and your fantastic Crystal Hello Kitty Doll and has passed the link over to me.

I think your idea of this Hello Kitty doll is fantastic and would like to try and get some free publicity for you and your idea. We have close contacts within the press and magazines both here in the UK and Worldwide. Would it be possible for you to supply us with images of your hello kitty crystal doll and a little bit of information that we could use in a possible feature that we could put together to supply to the press and magazines. I could use your information from your website if this would be okay with you.

Obviously a credit would be given to yourself giving you more exposure and visitors to your web site. We would also supply you with a copy of any feature that made it to print.

If you have any high resolution photos you could send me by email that would be fantastic, images should be as large as possible, ideally at 300dpi but as big or as high a resolution as possible would be great.

Hope to hear from you soon. Have a good day.

WTF??? This person must be illiterate because for some unfathomable reason she believes that it is mine (obviously not the case which she would know if she actually read the post). Furthermore, if it was in this house, it would most definitely not be mine and there is little chance that my wife would let me get near it. Lastly, if you read even a single post on this blog, you would instinctively know that “Hello Kitty” and “fantastic” would never be used in the same sentence unless there are a lot of explosives detonating in the same sentence as well.

Obviously if the media can’t read, you’re going to get crap in the media. The sad thing is that this is becoming more common. I get several emails like this each month now. I’ve even received emails from Sanrio employees asking me to plug their new stuff (my theory is that they are all taking hallucinogenic drugs as that would explain many of the things that they create and why they would email me to try and promote Hello Kitty). Seriously, why would anyone with an IQ higher than that of single cell organism get the idea that I like Hello Kitty, let alone that I think that anything related to hello Kitty would be my idea of a good thing?

You know that Hello Kitty Hell is getting bad when the media are so blinded by the draw of Hello Kitty that they will contact me in an effort to promote her…