Hello Kitty Yoga Mat

I should know by now that there is no such thing as a normal conversation when you live in Hello Kitty Hell. If the conversation has anything to do with something that might be needed, I will find it at our doorstep a week later in all its Hello Kittiness. That is how the Hello Kitty yoga mat arrived:

Hello Kitty yoga mat

Hello Kitty yoga mat

Hello Kitty yoga mat

This is the conversation that lead to the arrival of the Hello Kitty yoga mat:

wife: “Isn’t that uncomfortable?”

me: (doing stretches for my back) “Not really. It’s not too hard here”

wife: “But wouldn’t it be more comfortable with a mat?”

me: “Maybe, but it doesn’t seem worth the trouble of buying one. It’s not that bad.”

wife: “hmmmmm”

That was the entire conversation. Now that I think back on it, I should have known that something Hello Kitty Hellish would take place. When my wife says, “hmmmmm” it means she’s thinking and when she is thinking, that invariably means it has something to do with Hello Kitty. Of course, when I saw it, my initial reaction was:

me: “Honey, what’s that?” (thinking: “wtf is going on here?”)

wife: “It’s the workout mat you wanted.” (no tone of sarcasm at all – as if this is what I had truly requested)

me: “I didn’t say I wanted a workout mat…” (thinking: “did I say I wanted a workout mat?”)

wife: “Sure you did.” (still smiling)

me: “No, I think I said that I was just fine…” (still thinking: “did I say I wanted a workout mat?”)

wife: “You said it would be more comfortable with a mat, so I bought you a mat. Don’t you like it?”

me: “It’s fine, but…” (thinking: “uh oh, this is not a good turn in the conversation”)

wife: “But???” (her tone raising to the Hello Kitty Hellish level)

me: “but… but… (thinking hard how to escape without having to spend the night on the couch in the Hello kitty sleeping bag)…I don’t think Hello Kitty would appreciate me sweating all over her. (thinking: whew, that was a close one and a damn good come back if I do say so myself)

wife: “You can exercise, but you can’t sweat on Hello Kitty.” (in a stern voice as an order)

me: “Umm, then I can’t use the mat because I sweat when I exercise.” (thinking: cool, I’m getting out of this one)

wife: “You can only use it when you stretch. When you do your sit-ups, you can’t use it.”

me: “Then why do I need the mat at all? (thinking: “oops, that shouldn’t have slipped out…this is going to mean trouble…”)

wife: (raising the Hello Kitty Hell eyebrow and using the Hello Kitty Hell voice of question) “You don’t appreciate that I got this for your health?”

me: “No, I greatly appreciate it…” (backpedaling as quickly as possible thinking: “this is not going to end well”)

wife: “Good. Then you can use it for stretching, but not for exercise. And you may want to use it under the Hello Kitty sleeping bag as well” (as she pointed toward the closet)

So now I must use the Hello Kitty yoga mat for my daily stretching (or face the Hello Kitty Hell wrath of why I am not using it since my wife bought it for me), but can’t use it when I’m doing my exercises (when I really need it the most). I know that doesn’t make sense, but it does in Hello Kitty Hell. I can also tell you there is nothing less manly than doing stretches on a Hello Kitty yoga mat. And so Hello Kitty Hell continues…

24 thoughts on “Hello Kitty Yoga Mat”

  1. Considering how often you sleep on the couch, I gotta say, your wife does a wonderful job of keeping you living in fear of her. Or of the sleeping bag. I’m not sure which.

    Anyway, if you’re forced to use the damn thing, use it for whatever the hell you want to use for! Sweat on it, spit on it, drool on it. What’s she gonna know? At least it’ll be marginally satisfying for you to desecrate the mat at whim.

  2. Ummm…llbean sells pretty nice sleeping bags without Hello Kitty on them. I would buy one if i were you. While i don’t mind Hello Kitty- I mind bunches of junk so i pity you greatly.

  3. ummmm!!
    I love hello kitty , but i also love my husband and the fact that he is manley, and there is no way in my hello kitty kindom that i would buy something HK for him unless i was joking (and it is really for me) or i wanted to piss him off.
    your wife should have some respect for you and consider your opinion in all this.
    you know what, my husband buys me hello kitty stuff and I have a room in the house dedicated to HK and he is ok with that cuz the rest of the house is ours…….

    however, you should write a book, i would so buy it!!! you are a great writer, i come here every day to see what’s new.

  4. OMG, you and my hubby should form some type of ‘I’m living with “Hello Kitty”‘ support group. You poor man, I’m now starting to think twice about giving my hubby hell every time he doesn’t give me a hello kitty item i want. i’m sure he grieves right along with you *hug*

  5. I’m so sorry…but these conversations with your wife are friggin hilarious. And if they’re made-up, you are a genius. But honestly…i don’t think anyone could make this shit up. You’re not allowed to sweat on it? Beautiful.

  6. lol so im not the only one who’s seriously starting to think that these stories are fake?lol either way i love this blog it shows me all the new hello kitty things

  7. I know, what u should have told her. When i start stretching, i also start farting. Every time. If you have the same problem, i guess your wife wouldn’t like you to use it for stretching, either. XD

  8. I found this website while looking for a Hello Kitty yoga mat, and I cannot find where to purchase one. Could you ask your wife where she got that one for you?

  9. being a fan of hello kitty id love to know here you purchased this as well 🙂 I even have the hello kitty tarot cards lol.


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