Year: 2007

Hello Kitty Floor Buffer

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My wife has decided that we need a floor buffer…not any floor buffer, mind you, but a Hello Kitty floor buffer:

Hello Kitty floor buffer

Now, I could go into a rant about how we don’t have any hard wood floors that need to be buffed in our house, but that is probably obvious to those of you that have been reading this blog (and if you haven’t, just read a few posts and you’ll get the idea). I could also go on a rant about Hello Kitty fanatics colluding together to spike the poll votes to save the ceramic Hello Kitty, but everyone should have probably figured that would be typical Hello Kitty fanatic behavior. So instead, I’ll rant at those of you who read this blog and then send me emails like this:

For my 26th birthday, my boyfriend threw me a hello kitty themed rave. It was huge, every hello kitty maniac that was of age (actually there were 18 yr old kids trying to get in too) partied for 10 or so hours. My name’s kelly so we dubbed the party “hello kelly” they fliers were so cute, I wish I had a scan of it on my computer to show your wife. Anyway it was the crop circle on the front and then on the back was a few of the popular characters at a disco. Anyway, this year we’re having another Hello Kelly: Kitty vs. the Zombies I want to invite your wife ^_^* It’s in New Orleans on September 28th or 29th 😉

Why on earth would I ever let my wife know that there was a Hello Kitty rave going to take place?!? Do I really need to encourage her to be more into Hello Kitty than she already is? I have been through some pretty miserable times in Hello Kitty Hell, and just the thought of a Hello Kitty rave ranks right up near the top of things I really never want to experience in my life. If you have any doubt about whether you’re a Hello Kitty fanatic or not, here is a simple test.

If you think a Hello Kitty rave party would be fun to attend, you have already gone off the deep end and there is no hope for you. You can tell your significant others to start documenting their hell and sending it to me because they have a life of Hello Kitty misery ahead of them. If you heard the words “Hello Kitty rave” and immediately thought “WTF?” then rest assured that you are still part of the human race that isn’t insane…

Hello Kitty Microscope

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If anyone believed that Hello Kitty was after anything less than world domination, then this should help put things to rest. Not only has Hello Kitty started her own religion, she wants to dominate science as well. I mean, really, who in the world needs a Hello Kitty microscope?!?

Hello Kitty microscope

Of course, my wife, who has absolutely no interest in any type of science, wants one for her collection. “It goes to show how smart Hello Kitty is as well as being cute.” I’m surprised that it doesn’t come with slides that have microscopic Hello Kitty faces for owners to identify (although I would not put it past Sanrio to be considering adding something like that in the future).

It is now impossible to escape Hello Kitty in both the spiritual and in hard science – yes, that pretty much sums up Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty USB Fish Tank Aquarium

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My wife’s computer add-ons keep getting worse. Now that it is getting warmer outside and she no longer needs the Hello Kitty foot warmers and Hello Kitty heated lap pad, she had to find something else for her computer usb ports. Thus, the Hello Kitty usb powered fish tank arrived at our house today:

Hello Kitty usb fish tank

Hello Kitty usb aquarium

I know, I know, cats hate water so why would anyone ever imagine Hello Kitty would enjoy swimming around in a fish tank? Just another one of those Hello Kitty Hell questions it’s simply better not to ask…

Nails

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I don’t get it (what a big surprise there) – why do women think it’s cute to have Hello Kitty on the ends of their fingers? Some more nails that my wife “just has to have”

Hello Kitty Finger Nails

I have nightmares about things like this…you know those ghost stories where a single hand comes after you? It becomes exponentially more scary when there are Hello Kitty press on finger nails on the end of the hand coming after you (bet you don’t want to even imagine something that horrifying, but that is my everyday Hello Kitty Hell…)

Sent in by Dominique from a BBC news website about a Tokyo beauty show – who should definitely be forced to wear those hideous things for the rest of the year…

Update: Doesn’t matter the pattern, Hello Kitty nails don’t ever get any better (via Cookiee46)

Hello Kitty nails

Hello Kitty nails thumbs

and more…

Hello Kitty finger nails

left by Jalie via facebook

Hello Kitty nails

Sent in by effie

Hello Kitty finger nails

Left by Ana via facebook

Hello Kitty bubblegum nails

Sent in by far, far to many people including Anchalee on facebook

hello kitty fingernails

Left by @chinchowdoll on Twitter

hello kitty pirate nail

Left by @PinkVelvetDream on Twitter

hello kitty fake nails

Left by Tracy via facebook

hello kitty face nails

Left by Lydia via facebook

hello kitty sparkly nails

Sent in by Cat

hello kitty nail art

Sent in by margot

hello kitty nail painting

Left on facebook by Mona

hello kitty finger nails

Left by @PinkVelvetDream on Twitter

Left by Tammie on facebook

hello kitty false finger nails

Sent in by Jennifer

hello kitty black nails

Sent in by Jennifer

hello kitty fake fingernails

Sent in by Mary via seek

hello kitty pink nail art

Sent in by mary (via theinvisiblewombat)

Hello Kitty nail art

Sent in by Martha

Hello Kitty wtf nails

Sent in by Sanlv

Hello Kitty Vibrator Tattoo Gun

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If you just get out of prison and your buddies give you a Hello Kitty vibrator as a welcome back gift, what do you do with it? You modify it into a prison style tattoo gun of course:

Hello Kitty Vibrator Tattoo Gun
photo copyright M. Pilmer MutatoVisual.com, used with permission.

I think I have figured out a way to keep my wife from getting that Hello Kitty tattoo that she wants. I’ll simply show her this tattoo gun and explain that any “real” Hello Kitty fan would only get a Hello Kitty tattoo with a Hello Kitty tattoo gun. Definitely worth a try…

Courtesy of Marichigo in the comments – It is my humble opinion that anyone that wants a Hello Kitty tattoo should get one with a tattoo gun like this.

Hello Kitty: Save Or Smash

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My wife announced last night that there are only Hello Kitty fans that visit this blog and my attempt to find others who are in Hello Kitty Hell or sympathise with me has been a failure. “Everyone loves Hello Kitty and it will never change!”

I tried to explain that while it may appear that the readers here like Hello Kitty, it’s only a small minority of fanatics that believe that. In reality, even those who say they like Hello Kitty really don’t. Of course, this sent me to the couch for the night in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag, but it also produced the “Hello Kitty: Save or Smash” contest.

My wife believes that for some unfathomable reason, I haven’t seen the Hello Kitty light and I am the only person that doesn’t believe that everything Hello Kitty is the “cutest thing ever” (“You must have been born with deformed genes” is her current theory). I, on the other hand, know that all the Hello Kitty fans that visit this site really have a deep dark desire to see Hello Kitty smashed into smithereens. So we will let you vote and decide.

Hello Kitty: Smash or Save?

I have secretly kidnapped a Hello Kitty porcelain figure and all of you will decide whether it gets smashed to bits or saved. To the right in the sidebar is a poll and the choice to save or smash Hello Kitty. The voting will last until the end of this month. If more people vote to save Hello Kitty, I will lose all faith in humanity and extinguish all hope that Hello Kitty Hell may someday end, but will still refrain from smashing her and I’ll give the figure away as a prize. If the vote is to smash, I will believe that there is still hope in Hello Kitty Hell and gleefully take a hammer to the Hello Kitty figure. The choice is yours…

Oh, wow! Imagine that. The first vote in the poll is to smash…

Hello Kitty Vibrator

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I have been trying to avoid writing about this little piece of Hello Kitty Hell for awhile now, but people keep on sending me photos and links to it so I guess I should address it. Yes, my wife does have a Hello Kitty shoulder massager – commonly known as a Hello Kitty vibrator. It happened to be one of the first big hits when she began selling Hello Kitty stuff and didn’t realize what it was actually being used for.

Hello Kitty vibrator

To tell you the truth, the Hello Kitty vibrator gives me the creeps. While some men might fantasize about it, they are definitely not men living in Hello Kitty Hell. Maybe it’s just me having to see Hello Kitty everywhere every second of the day, but the last place I want to see the face of Hello Kitty at the end of the day is where she would be if the vibrator was in use. There is something just very very wrong with that image no matter how pleasing it may be to the woman…

UPDATE: Sanrio has reissued the Hello Kitty vibrator – now in four colors!

Hello Kitty Brief Underwear

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Yep, just what every guy wants – some tighty whiteys with Hello Kitty all over them:

Hello Kitty briefs

I think that these are actually made with the thought that females would be wearing them. With the possible exception of my wife who had the bright idea that they would be a good addition to my Hello Kitty boxers), I can’t imagine that anyone would actually think that a guy would want to wear them. Remember how your mom always told you not to wear dirty underwear in case you got into an accident and had to go to the hospital (or was that just my mom)? That is exactly what went through my mind when I saw these…

I didn’t imagine that the underwear department could get any worse than those boxers, but that is what I get for underestimating Hello Kitty Hell and what it can dream up in the form of underwear…

Hello Kitty Religion

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You probably assumed that Hello Kitty Hell could not get any worse, but as I have said time and again, Hello Kitty has a way of always topping herself. So it should come as no surprise that Hello Kitty Hell has gone into a completely new realm with the introduction of Hello Kitty religion. Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists – heck, even Scientologists have no reason to disagree with one another now that Hello Kitty has established her own religion.

Hello Kitty religion

Yes, Hello Kitty Hell has been bad, but having to look at Hello Kitty as the new deity certainly shows that it has been nothing up to this point (yep, hard for me even to believe those words came out). I wonder if this means I will have to go and pray weekly to a character that has no mouth (“because you can tell what Hello Kitty feels through your heart” – doesn’t that sound kind of cult religious creepy?)

Hello Kitty Mannequin

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OK, it’s stuff like this that freaks me out in Hello Kitty Hell. Hello Kitty on every conceivable product I have come to accept. Turning something not Hello Kitty into Hello Kitty to sell other products? That is exactly what they have done with this Hello Kitty mannequin:

Hello Kitty mannequin

It seems like there are some that would like to see Hello Kitty turn into a real live being (my wife already insists that she is – another clue as to whether or not you have a Hello Kitty fanatic on your hands), but even coming from Hello Kitty Hell, this is simply downright creepy – something straight out of a Hello Kitty horror movie. Of course, my wife thinks this would be a perfect thing to have to display her Hello Kitty clothes when she is not wearing them which presents one of those Hello Kitty Hell dilemmas – would Hello Kitty clothes on a mannequin or on my wife be worse? I hope I never have the chance to find out…