I know that it is going to be a truly Hello Kitty Hellish day when my wife screams, “OMG!! You’ve got to come here and look at this!!!! It is soooooo cute!” I should have learned by now when those words exit my wife’s mouth, the only logical course of action is to induce some life threatening injury to myself and hope that I die before I am forced to see whatever hideous Hello Kitty item has made her squeal with such joy. Alas, somewhere my mind makes a grave judgemental error and stops me from doing the merciful thing by rationalizing that Hello Kitty Hell can’t possible get any worse than it already is. That, of course, is proven to be incorrect time and again and I realize that death would have been a lot less painful than having to see and hear about yet another Hello Kitty item.
This is especially true when it comes to Hello Kitty fashion. There is something that makes Hello Kitty fanatics believe that anything Hello Kitty makes clothes look cute, while the rest of us simply want to vomit when seeing it. I can’t think of a better example than this monstrosity which my wife thinks is absolutely fabulous:
I know, I know. You’re looking at that and saying to yourself that it must be a Halloween party costume or something (while valiantly trying to keep the food in your stomach). Any normal person has to make an assumption like this because it is simply too difficult to perceive that anyone, even a Hello Kitty fanatic, could view something like this as high fashion. Unfortunately, it is all too real…
So as you sit looking at your computer in disbelief, rejoice in that fact that you are not living with someone that actually is searching for one of these and has decided that if she can’t find one, she will make one herself (see, I knew a self inflicted wound and quick death — or even a long, drawn out death — would have been less painful…) And pray that the next time my wife shouts those words, I have enough sense to put myself out of my Hello Kitty Hell misery…