Hello Kitty Flowers

My wife loves to get flowers, but a dozen roses won’t do. In fact, any bouquet of regular flowers, no matter how beautiful, just doesn’t make the grade. If I ever give her flowers, they have to be Hello Kitty flowers:

Hello Kitty flowers

Hello Kitty flowers

Hello Kitty flowers

Hello Kitty flowers

Hello Kitty flowers

When guests come over and she wants us to have flowers on the table, they have to be Hello Kitty. What’s crazy is that you can go into practically any flower shop in Japan and they will know how to make these bouquets – it’s downright depressing. There really should be some law that grown men aren’t allowed to buy bouquets of Hello Kitty flowers. There is nothing more embarrassing than walking down a crowded street with something like that in your hands, but it is yet another aspect of my Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by numerous readers…

As if these weren’t enough to make you sick, more photos sent in by reader Linda

Hello Kitty Dear Daniel flowers

Hello Kitty flower bouquet

Hello Kitty Hello Mimmy flowers

Hello Kitty carnations

Hello Kitty flowers

Hello Kitty flower bouquets

More photos sent in by tricia

Hello Kitty bouquet

Hello Kitty flower bouquet

Hello Kitty flower frame

Hello Kitty heart flower

Update: It keeps getting worse — not only are these available for purchase, there are now tutorials online on how to make Hello Kitty flowers (what the tutorial really should be named is “How to make sure to lose your significant other in the quickest way possible.”)

how to make a hello kitty flower

Sent in by HK Guy

Hello Kitty Dog Tattoo

There are a lot of things that are just plain wrong with Hello Kitty fanatics. Getting a Hello Kitty tattoo is one of them. Getting a Hello Kitty Star Wars tattoo is even worse. But when Hello Kitty fanatics start tattooing their dog with Hello Kitty, there has been a boundary that has been crossed. Can there be a bigger insult if you are a dog? Having to go around in life with a Hello Kitty tattoo because you owner thought it would be “cute.” That dog must have been teased mercilessly by the other dogs at the park…

Hello Kitty tattoo dog

Hello Kitty dog tattoo

Which leads me to my latest Hello Kitty fear. If a Hello Kitty fanatic would be willing to place a Hello Kitty tattoo on their dog, then obviously my wife would have no problem tattooing me with Hello Kitty. I think I’m going to have to be extra careful from now on when I go out drinking or I may end up with they same exact Hello Kitty Hell that dog must endure…

This was sent in by a number of readers including hellopink, Tim, Hayley and cuterthanu – may all of you have to wear a Hello Kitty tattoo yourself…

Hello Kitty Educational Video

Now that the Hello Kitty ceramic figure has been saved and is on its way to well protected safety, I thought that with my new found affection for Hello Kitty I should do something responsible for all those impressionable kids out there. I therefore spoke with my wife and convinced her to give me a couple of Hello Kitty plush to use as characters to make an educational video. Even better, Hello Kitty is dressed in a school uniform and Dear Daniel is in a graduation gown. The question became, what lesson should I teach to all the impressionable kids out there?

Hello Kitty school plush

I considered this awhile and thought it’s important for kids to understand that fireworks are dangerous. I could have Hello Kitty and Dear Daniel show the dangers of playing with fireworks. If in the process of showing how fireworks can be dangerous, Hello Kitty and Dear Daniel accidentally found themselves trapped in barrage of fireworks and ended up lighting up in amazingly colorful sparks, we would all know that this was a sad event, but they had taught everybody an important point.

Or if I was to teach kids about the dangers of playing near the water by a fast moving river and both Hello Kitty and Dear Daniel accidentally fell into the river and got swept through raging rapids and then over a high waterfall, we would all feel bad, but understand that they had done a great service in teaching us about safety near rivers.

Or if I had a wood chipper and wanted to teach how dangerous it is to be near one of these machines as the machine grinds branches into small chips and Hello Kitty and Dear Daniel accidentally get stuck in one of the branches and go through the chipping machine, we would all feel terrible, but know that they had taught us a very important lesson about the dangers of wood chipping machines.

After considering numerous ways I could teach kids about the dangers in the world with Hello Kitty and Dear Daniel (and smiling the entire time), I realized that I didn’t feel like sleeping on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag for the next month.

I have therefore decided to let the readers of this blog tell me how they would use Hello Kitty and Dear Daniel to teach kids about safety. Of course you should have a video camera to tape the lesson and any accidental events that may happen during it.

If you feel that you can do justice in teaching an important lesson to all the kids about safety using the Hello Kitty and Dear Daniel plush pictured here, please leave a comment on exactly what lesson you would teach and at the end of the week I will choose the best one to send these two plush to…

Hello Kitty Speakers

In the overall scheme of things, Hello Kitty speakers wouldn’t seem to be a top priority to highlight in Hello Kitty Hell, but it is these often mundane Hello Kitty gadgets that typify how terrible Hello Kitty Hell can be.

Hello Kitty speakers

See, when my wife gets something new like these, she has to show how happy she is by using the newest Hello Kitty gadget in her collection. That means listening to the Hello Kitty theme song 24/7 on a pair of lousy speakers that make Hello Kitty’s voice even higher pitched and annoying than regular (yeah, you don’t even want to think about it, trust me). For those of you who have decided that today would be a good day to be tortured, you can listen to this:

Imagine that, then add in the cheap speakers and the song playing 24/7 and you can see how a simple set of Hello Kitty speakers can just about make a grown man go crazy…and I still have at least another couple of days of this Hello Kitty Hell to endure…

Hello Kitty Klingon

One of the most annoying aspects of Hello Kitty (okay, that was a pretty lousy initial sentence since there really aren’t any aspects of Hello Kitty that aren’t annoying) is her inability to stay out of other fan based phenomenons. She has to be a part of anything and everything that has the least bit of pop culture popularity. It is the reason that you see stuff like a Hello Kitty Darth Vader or this little piece that should make any Star Trek fan want to vomit (hey, come on over to my place, I will soon have a Hello Kitty toilet which will be the perfect place for you to do so):

Hello Kitty Klingon

Star Trek Hello Kitty Klingon

Yes, that is a Star Trek Hello Kitty Klingon that showed up at a science fiction convention last year. Makes you want to take out your Star Trek phaser and nuke her, doesn’t it?

My wife has a simpler explanation. “All pop culture wants to embrace the sweetness of Hello Kitty. That is why you see her everywhere. She brings happiness wherever she goes.” Maybe I’ll be using that new toilet myself to get sick in…

Photos copyright by The General at GeneralGeneral.com, used with permission. Costume from the science fiction convention Convergence 2006. You can see more photos at his new site Klingon Hello Kitty.

Hello Kitty Toilet

You knew that it would be impossible for Hello Kitty to stop at Hello Kitty toilet paper and when the Hello Kitty bathtub made it’s presence known, I had that haunting Hello Kitty Hell feeling what was going to be coming next. Of course, my wife thinks we need the Hello Kitty toilet to compliment all the Hello Kitty crap that is already in our bathroom:

Hello Kitty toilet

As a guy, I’m not sure if there is anything more humiliating than going to the toilet, lifting the lid to take a piss and having Hello Kitty staring back at you the entire time. There is just something extremely wrong with that image and yet I see that image becoming a reality in the days to come. Sometimes the worst part of Hello Kitty Hell is already knowing what life is going to be like in the near future…

from yen in the comments…who should be forced to live with a Hello Kitty bathroom for the rest of her life…

Update: You knew that one Hello Kitty toilet would never be enough for Hello Kitty fanatics. Seen at 3 apples by Cindy:

Hello Kitty toilet

and more:

hello kitty toilets

Sent in by shilah

Hello Kitty Saved Update

As you all know, I promised to choose someone to give the Hello Kitty ceramic figure to in order to protect it when you overwhelmingly voted to save her instead of letting me smash her with a hammer. There were a lot of entries that put a lot of thought into how to protect Hello Kitty, but ultimately I decided to go with Heather and her Nerf missile guns (she is being sent out this weekend), because one of the things that I love to see in Hello Kitty Hell is poetic justice:

Hello Kitty is saved

Although I don’t have a Blendtec blender with which to protect Ms Kitty, and I don’t have a tank that I could use in Hello Kitty’s Arsenal of Free Cuteness, I can offer the services of my geek brother and I. You see, my brother is rather famous for his many ingenious ways in which he modifies Nerf guns into semi-automatic dart-firing machines. And honestly, as much as I love tanks, they’re much to hard and rigid to protect Hello Kitty. And as much as I love Blendtec blenders, the blender is much too square, and its blades are much too sharp and shiny. No, Hello Kitty needs to be protected by something from her own universe; something soft, cute, brightly colored, and slightly fuzzy. You know, like a Nerf dart… that’s capable of being fired across a football field.

You might be wondering, how would a Nerf gun compare to the protection power of the glock that someone else offered? Well, I somehow doubt that Hello Kitty’s cute little petite, feminine hands could withstand the shock of firing a glock. But she could easily fire the cute little missiles that come out of a Nerf gun with enough force to give a full sized man a black eye. See? Not only would a Nerf gun provide protection through pain, that pain would come from something as soft, gooshy, and cute as Hello Kitty herself. It’s a little something I like to call Poetic Justice.

So if you grant me the privilege of protecting Hello Kitty, I will do my best to guard her with my family’s entire arsenal of super soft, super cute weaponry. That includes everything from the air-tank powered automatic dart rifle, to the massive customized camel-back missile launcher. I’d even take Hello Kitty out to the next Nerf War, so that she can learn how to defend herself with a Nerf gun her own size. But if she should happen to take a little friendly fire, don’t worry, how much damage could a Nerf missile really do?

Anyway, that’s my pitch from my Nerf soapbox. I say the best justice is poetic justice, and the best way to protect the sweetest, cutest, softest, most feminine kitty in history, is with the softest, foamiest, fastest weapons on the planet: nerf.

Now, I know that Heather will be doing her best to protect Hello Kitty so that no harm comes to her, but I also know that none of us could blame her if while teaching Hello Kitty how to protect herself with the Nerf missile launcher Hello Kitty accidentally gets some string tangled around her neck at the end of the Nerf missile and launches herself the distance of a football field into a brick wall (or some other unthinkable tragedy) since we all know accidents do happen.

I feel good in knowing that I have honored your wishes to save Hello Kitty and to place her in a protective environment…

One Hello Kitty Fanatic Down

A rare glimpse of sunshine to drown out the Hello Kitty Hell pinkness arrived in my email:

I’m going to be honest with you – I found your website by trying to find Hello Kitty items. And I’ll admit that I am (or was?) a Hello Kitty fan. Not really a fanatic, but I did shriek with delight sometimes over anything with that cat on it. Actually, my boyfriend is in Japan right now, so he sent me Hello Kitty items – an alarm clock (it speaks in Japanese, though, and doesn’t sing the Hello Kitty song), some Hello Kitty candy, and Hello Kitty noodles or something weird like that. Now, at the time, I thought this was awesome.

But then I started researching Hello Kitty items, and I’ve come to the conclusion that Hello Kitty is no ordinary cat. Call me crazy, but it has some freakish power of sucking in people with it’s cuteness. For some reason, women are more likely to be sucked in by this. Men seem to be able to resist. Fortunately, I’ve never been one to like pink, so I’ve busied myself with non-pink Hello Kitty items (tough to find, I know). But your website, the one that opened my eyes to Hello Kitty bras and Hello Kitty pads (honestly, wtf?), and that eerie Hello Kitty Darth Vadar, has almost made me disgusted with Hello Kitty.

I’m not a conspiracy theorist, but I do think that Hello Kitty is slowly taking over the world. My boyfriend has claimed that every store in Japan has something Hello Kitty in it, so it’s already claimed them. When will it claim other places? I see it’s already claimed your home.

And to think…I wanted a Hello Kitty toaster. But now, instead of cute, it seems cultish.

And on that note I must thank you. The truth of Hello Kitty is very exposed in your blog. I only hope more people can see it. — Savvy

Of course, the true question is, how many million more to go ???

Hello Kitty Money

You thought that Hello Kitty would stop at religion and sex? Not a chance. It now appears her fans want to make her a part of our financial lives:

Hello Kitty dollar bill

It would not surprise me in the least if Sanrio is waging a massive campaign to try and convince the US government to replace George with the face of Hello Kitty because as my wife commented, “Oh, wouldn’t it be soooo cute if Hello Kitty was on all our money?” Yes, another classic example of the Hello Kitty Hell I live in…

From miss kitty who emailed, “One of my closest friends stopped for gas tonight and got that bill back for his change. lol i think our money should read ‘In Hello Kitty We Trust’. I’m sure your wife would agree.” You know that Hello Kitty Hell is getting even worse when fanatics like that are sending me photos…