Year: 2007

Hello Kitty Toaster Oven

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Part of the problem when living in Hello Kitty Hell is that it begins the moment that you get up in the morning. If it isn’t the Hello Kitty futon (or Hello Kitty sleeping bag on the couch depending how the previous day had gone), the first meal of the day also has Hello Kitty written all over it. It probably goes without saying that the vast majority of our plates and bowls have a Hello Kitty theme (we’ll get to photos of those at a later date), but also a lot of our cooking utensils including our Hello Kitty toaster oven:

Hello Kitty toaster oven

There’s just something that makes toast a lot less appetizing when it comes out of a Hello Kitty toaster. And yes, I am aware that there is a Hello Kitty toaster that toasts Hello Kitty onto the toast because my wife also has this, but the aim of breakfast is to get food into your stomach and not throw it up all over the table, which would happen if I had to look at Hello Kitty actually on my toast…

Hello Kitty Air Cleaner / Purifier

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One of the biggest hazards living in Hello Kitty Hell is that even casual conversation can lead to Hello Kitty Hell escalation. I should have learned by now that I need to watch what I say. I made the innocent comment the other day that in winter time the house seems to get more stuffy since we don’t open the windows as often. Of course, I should have known that to a Hello Kitty fanatic, that was an invitation to go out and purchase…a Hello Kitty air purifier:

Hello Kitty air purifier / cleaner

Silence is a golden rule in Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty USB Computer Keyboard Cleaner

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As my wife continues to find gadgets that she “must have” for her computer, even from Hello Kitty Hell I’m amazed at all the Hello Kitty crap that gets sold. Granted, computer keyboards need to be cleaned from time to time, but would anyone in their right mind (I think we have already established that Hello Kitty fanatics fall outside these parameters) really need a Hello Kitty USB computer keyboard cleaner with two different cleaning heads? But since my wife is one of those that falls outside saneness when it comes to Hello Kitty, this is what she wants next for her computer.

Hello Kitty usb computer keyboard cleaner

Hello Kitty usb computer cleaner

Hello Kitty Car Lights

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The Hello Kittification of our car continues at far too fast a pace. It would not surprise me in the least bit if a car could be built from scratch using only Hello Kitty parts or that somewhere, someone is selling a Hello Kitty modified engine.

While I had first assumed that the automotive area of the store would provide me some escape from my Hello Kitty Hell, it has been proved time and again to be the exact opposite. In fact now when we go to the store, I do my best to keep my wife away from the automotive section because if she manages to get there, it will mean a new Hello Kitty addition to our car. Which is exactly what happened this morning when my wife discovered the Hello Kitty car lights:

Hello Kitty car lights

Hello Kitty car lights

Yes, these are actually to replace your parking lights with a Hello Kitty glow in one of 4 colors. The only saving grace for my Hello Kitty Hell is that the size is wrong for our car. It’s probably a short lived victory, however. With the enthusiasm my wife had when finding them, it can only be a matter of time before they expand the line-up to include our car as well…

Update: An unfortunate instance of one of these actually being used:

Sent in by anonymous

Hello Kitty Kendama

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If you are a little girl, you absolutely love coming to our place to visit. I would imagine that it is like a dreamworld for a little girl, although I have reservations about my wife brainwashing these kids at such an early age. When a little girl comes to visit, she usually leaves with a huge smile on her face and a couple of Hello Kitty toys under her arms (that is the one redeeming factor — some of the Hello Kitty stuff leaves since my wife can’t deny when a little girl asks for something Hello Kitty — on the other hand, I pity the poor father because he doesn’t realize my wife’s evil plan is to recruit another Hello Kitty fanatic).

If you happen to be a boy, however, I would think this place would be a nightmare to visit. While it would be unfathomable for most of us to believe that boys wouldn’t be interested in Hello Kitty items, the Hello Kitty fanatic can’t understand why anyone wouldn’t like Hello Kitty. She tries in vain to convince me that boys would really like Hello Kitty if they would simply look at her heart. Then she tries to show me toys like the Hello Kitty kendama which “any boy should like”:

Hello Kitty Kendama

Hello Kitty Kendama

While the kendama is a great Japanese toy that most boys would love, a Hello Kitty kendama is just downright wrong. I think Hello Kitty employees sit in the back rooms and think up ways to place Hello Kitty on things that make men shake their heads in disbelief because they know that every Hello Kitty fanatic would absolutely need to have it.

Suffice to say, all our friends with little girls come to visit on a regular basis while those with boys tend to want to meet us at some point away from our house after the first visit…

Hello Kitty CDs

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One of the things that is most frustrating about Hello Kitty Hell is that many of the Hello Kitty items in our house aren’t really Hello Kitty Items at all. They are normal, every day items in Hello Kitty packaging. No matter how many times I try to explain this to my wife, it doesn’t make any sense to her. Hello Kitty on the package means that whatever is inside is also Hello Kitty related in some way (thusly the mind works of the Hello Kitty fanatics the around the world).

Take these for example:

Hello Kitty CDs

They are CDs wrapped in Hello Kitty packaging, but they are the only ones my wife will buy. It doesn’t matter that the CD looks like any other CD once the packaging comes off. Since practically every item that exists comes in Hello Kitty packaging, you can begin to see the Hello Kitty Hell I must deal with on a daily basis

Hello Kitty Tooth Cap

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There have been a number of readers who have sent me photos of the Hello Kitty tooth cap, and while it certainly is strange, this is one of the few Hello Kitty items that really doesn’t put fear into my heart. The reason being that I would never have to see it. I mean, really, how many times do you look into the depths of someone’s mouth to check out their dental work? If my wife decides that she needs to have a Hello Kitty crown placed on one of her molars, I don’t think it would add to my Hello Kitty Hell.

Hello Kitty Tooth

That being said, I do have a great fear with Hello Kitty and teeth and I’m not sure that I should even mention it as it would likely give someone the idea (because there is undoubtedly some Hello Kitty fanatic that would do it) to actually do it and then inspire my wife. I’m just waiting for some rap star to sport a Hello Kitty grill. I can see someone with Hello Kitty in diamonds implanted into their front teeth and as soon as that happens, I know I will be in big trouble…

Thanks (I think) to rgpalacio, dtstan, hklove, Mackenzie and probably a few others I missed (apologies)

Hello Kitty Apple TV

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Once you have been living in Hello Kitty Hell for an extended period of time, the “sick factor” comes into play. This is a simple rule that applies to all things Hello Kitty when one lives in a Hello Kitty Hell. The sick factor rule states that the more nauseating a Hello Kitty item is to you, the more the Hello Kitty fanatic will like it.

One of the few items that my wife does not currently have is a Hello Kitty TV and so it was with much fear that I opened up an email from ojuang that lead to a Hello Kitty TV set. It only took a quick peek to know that this was going to be on the high end of my sick factor scale which immediately meant my wife would love it.

Hello Kitty Apple TV set

Of course, the sick factor rule prevailed once again to hit my wife’s reaction with a bulls eye. Among all the fawning over the Apple TV, there was even the mention of “one in every room” which immediately stopped my heart. My hope is that locating one of these will be difficult and the damage will stop at one — yes, even with all the contradictory evidence piled upon me each day in Hello Kitty Hell, I do still hope for the impossible…

Thanks (I think) to ojuang via akihabaranews

Hello Kitty Steering Wheel Cover

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It should go without saying at this point that Hello Kitty Hell produces dichotomy in my daily life. While the Hello Kitty food would lead one to believe I would gain a great amount of weight, the car that is getting the Hello Kitty make over produces the opposite effect and keeps my weight in check. How does a car keep my weight in check?

wife: “I want you to come to the home improvement store today to help me carry the things I need back.”

me: “OK. I’ll walk and meet you there” (secretly thinking: Am I going to have to ride in the Hello Kitty mobile?)

wife: “The home improvement shop is 7 miles away. That’s too far to walk”

me: “No problem, I’ll run…”

These are the types of conversations I have when the thought of getting into the ever increasingly Hello Kitty decked out car comes to mind. I find that to avoid getting into the car, I’m walking/running all over town (maybe there is a Hello Kitty Hell diet book somewhere in there…) The latest addition to the car came in the form of a steering wheel cover:

Hello Kitty steering wheel cover

Hello Kitty steering wheel cover pink

Now, you know that Hello Kitty Hell has set in when you actually are thankful that the Hello Kitty steering wheel cover is merely pink and not covered in feathers all around the the Hello Kitty computer. I actually almost heard myself saying, “oh, that’s not too bad” before I came to my senses and realised it was a freaking Hello Kitty steering wheel cover. I mean, who in their right mind would ever want to have a Hello Kitty steering wheel cover?

Update: ktdelight was nice enough to let me know I will likely endure more Hello Kitty steering wheel cover hell as there is also a silver version available:

Hello Kitty steering wheel cover silver

Hello Kitty USB Feet Warmer

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Ever since my wife saw the pimped out Hello Kitty computer mod, she has decided that she needs to make her laptop more Hello Kitty like. Fortunately, she is too afraid to try and pimp out her computer in the same way as the one featured previously. While that is a small consolation prize in Hello Kitty Hell, it is mitigated by the fact that to compensate for not completely decking out the computer, she is purchasing every Hello Kitty add-on computer gadget that she can find. The latest of these being the Hello Kitty usb feet warmer.

Hello Kitty USB Feet Warmer

Now this would be bad enough if I had to look at them daily on her feet, but she also decided I needed my own Hello Kitty usb feet warmer and presented it in a way that I couldn’t really argue. Because our house doesn’t have central heating (which is common in Japan) and because energy prices are so high, getting a feet warmer would save a lot in energy costs as it is the feet that really get cold in winter.

So my choice this winter is to place my feet into those sickly, fuzzy pink foot warmers or let them slowly turn into blocks of ice. Since I still do value the use of my legs, the fuzzy, pink foot warmers usually win out. As I look at my Hello Kitty feet at this moment as I type (this epitomizes Hello Kitty Hell), I realise that there is something very wrong in making a man wear pink slippers of any kind. Isn’t there a law against this, or something? Maybe losing my feet to frostbite isn’t such a bad option after all…