Hello Kitty Ukulele

It has been well established that Hello Kitty fanatics don’t need to have any use for a Hello Kitty product to still lust after it and decide that they need to add it to their collection. My wife doesn’t play any musical instrument, but that has not stopped her from collecting a small symphony of music related items.

The other day I was digging through our closet looking for my baseball glove (which fortunately, is not something that they currently make in a Hello Kitty pattern at Sanrio, but I have no doubt they are already planning to release a line) when I came across a Hello Kitty ukulele:

Hello Kitty ukulele

Hello Kitty ukulele and bag

Hello Kitty ukulele bag

While the mere fact that there is a market for Hello Kitty ukuleles should be enough to confirm that all is not right in the world, what grabbed my attention is that this Hello Kitty item was sitting in the back of a closet. This is definitely not the typical action of a Hello Kitty fanatic who proudly displays each and everything on which the evil feline’s face appears. Could it be that my wife had forgotten about this piece in her Hello Kitty collection?!?

The obvious move would be to immediately destroy the musical instrument relieving the world of one more piece of nauseating cuteness. The problem, of course, is that Hello Kitty fanatics have an uncanny way of knowing that something is amiss in their Hello Kitty universe even when any normal person would be completely oblivious to the change (take for example the toilet paper incident…)

So I’m now faced with a dilemma of what to do. This may be a rare chance for me to actually reduce my wife’s collection without having to pay the price of sleeping on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag (small victories in Hello Kitty Hell are few and far between). So the question of the day is, do I dare tempt fate and challenge my wife’s all powerful Hello Kitty radar or do I assume that this was a well conceived trap for which I will end up paying for by becoming intimately familiar with the new Hello Kitty sleeping bag and let the Hello Kitty ukulele continue its life in the back of a darkened closet?

50 thoughts on “Hello Kitty Ukulele”

  1. I would say leave it in the back of the closet. Don’t dispose of it, but hide it well enough so she’ll never find it. Like under the closet’s floorboards. Otherwise you could subject yourself to hours of torture as she plucks out the Hello Kitty theme, Ukulele style.

    I used to work at a Sanrio store, so to some small extent, I understand your misery.

  2. IT’S A TRAP.

    Do not under any circumstances destroy the ukulele. At best, at this point, you could rearrange things a bit and hide it better — there’s plausible deniability there. If you hide it and it hasn’t moved in a year, then you may be able to make it leave the house IF you are a good liar when she one day goes, “I could swear I had that cunning little Hello Kitty ukulele here somewhere!” Keep in mind that if you do this, she will probably just end up getting another one on the theory that two is better than none, since they’re sooooooooo cuuuuuuuuuuute.

    The big worry with anything buried in a closet is, it might be your next birthday/anniversary/holiday gift…

  3. Don’t you dare do anything to the ukulele!!! Don’t you have any respect for other people’s property? It’s not yours and you have no right to even touch it. This goes to show the total lack of respect you have for your wife and her things.

    Leaving it in the closet buried also shows a complete lack of respect for your wife since you know that she will be happy to see it. By not doing anything and just leaving it there, you confirm that you don’t want your wife to be happy. You should tell her that you found it and give it to her so she can properly display it in your house.

    It’s time for you to stop whining and grow up and be a man. You have to support your wife and do what makes her happy and if you try to do bad things behind her back, then you show that you have no respect for her.

  4. egh Darlene is back for good AGAIN….Please Darlene for the hello kitty god you worship please put your head in a hello kitty plastic bag and suck for air….

  5. Grow some cajones. Take it outside, put it in the BBQ and light it on fire. Roast some smores, kick back with a beer and enjoy life!

  6. “Take it outside, put it in the BBQ and light it on fire. Roast some smores, kick back with a beer and enjoy life!”

    That’s a brilliant idea, Dan! Or better yet, stick some M-80s in the damn thing and blow it to bits! And tie Darlene to a chair so see has to watch it getting blown the hell up.

  7. This is wrong on more levels than usual!

    Not only is it a needlessly HKified product, it’s a ukulele (What’s the definition of a gentleman? A man who can play the uke and doesn’t! What do you call 10_000 ukes at the bottom of the Atlantic? A start!!), and being as how it’s a 4-string, it’s even a bad cheap uke!

    Do the World a favour!

  8. The price this time could be more than a sleeping bag – actually destroying a Hello Kitty item could end in divorce. Or, to put it another way, if you want a divorce…

  9. darlene, jam the ukelele up your ass. You are wasting air and other precious resources by continuing to exist.

    Every day that you selfishly continue to live, Hello Kitty cries and wonders what she did wrong to be cursed with your attention.

  10. @annoying parasite”Darlene”
    He does have respect for his wife pay attention if he didn’t he wouldn’t go through the “Hell” of a routine daily so shut the hell up!
    So it’s obvious he really loves her!

    He could always divorce his wife if he had no respect, stupid.

    This is the only way he can probably vent about not liking it.
    Why don’t you try putting yourself in his situation?
    Leave him the hell alone with your screwed up nonsense
    I’m pretty sure he won’t break it no matter how badly he wants to. You know why? PAY ATTENTION!

    Oy I’m gun have nightmares @_@
    Your a strong guy good luck, specially if you really do end up breaking it. I’d agree with L and Lee though, just put it back where it was and try to forget it.

  11. Two bad things that go worse together.

    I’d say hide it in the deepest depths of the closet so it doesn’t go off her “radar” but where it is out of your sight. That way, if by some strange quirk of fate she decides she needs the horrific thing, you can always say you were “keeping it safe”.

  12. …you should burn the thing, refuse to sleep on the damn couch, and tell your wife to respect your authoritai. Then, if she wants a divorce, have the papers printed on HK stationary, perfumed, and presented in an envelope full of glitter. Alternately, exert said authoritai, and have angry sex. It’s the best way, really…No, REALLY.

  13. @Darlene… I swear you’re the HK concience come to bother all of us. I, for one, would love this blog more withoutyour pitiful rhetoric. I always say that I won’t comment on your innane, pathetic attempts at attention… but DAMNITT! I totally failed.

    While I don’t support the kill yourself option because suicide is retarded, I will say that taking a long walk off a short pier is advisable… or better yet. Go play on the freeway you mindless drone.

  14. “I will rip open Ultra Magnus and every other Autobot who stands in my way!”

    That’s what I would do, but I’m a mean person anyways. πŸ˜›

    Hell, I like Hello Kitty, but if it gets too obnoxious then it’s one of those things I dump anyways, or at least satire the hell outta it.

  15. P.S. HKH — you should take the uke, have the paint stripped and repaint it normally and let your wife know you’re starting a uke collection and that particular one was rescued from a water sanitation plant… or some other such disgusting place. Like the Hudson River maybe!

  16. Don’t destroy it b/c the drama that will insue will not be worth it to you in the long run. But, if you want to have some fun hide it in a place she would never think of.

  17. Okay so I KNOW darlene is not and will never be married…
    Hello? There are TWO people in a marriage… he respects his wife.

    Darlene, has it ever occured to you that his wife is a heinous bitch that is so selfish she can’t see she’s ruining he beloved husband’s life with this crap? (Sorry, don’t really mean it, just making a point here)
    I like HK as much as the next person but if my man said ‘Honey, I can’t take it anymore’ it would all go to the nearest Goodwill! Love is WAY more important than a bunch of crap you can’t take with ya when you die!
    Plus, I would not make a straight man use anything pink… that’s just plain WRONG!

  18. Don’t destroy it, don’t hide it better. The first is disrespectful of your wife (even though the evil cat deserves it); the second… well, things that are hidden get found. That’s the natural order of things. Besides, to hide it better, you’d either have to move it, thus risking she’d find it in the new place because the area looks different, or you’d have to move other things to conceal it, and thus she’s more likely to find it because she’d notice they’ve been moved, and she’d want to know why.
    Let it languish unremembered; the last thing you need is to end up reminding her of it in the process of trying to make sure she doesn’t remember.

  19. You could always send it to me! πŸ™‚

    And to the person who said this:
    *(and being as how it’s a 4-string, it’s even a bad cheap uke!)*

    Um, dude, ALL ukes have four strings! They’re not tiny guitars, really. But it is probably really cheesy nonetheless. Yup.

  20. I just had this sent to me this morning by a friend begging me not to buy the anti virus software (he fixes my computer).

    I then read the whole thing from start to finish and laughed my ass off.

    Then I called my husband at work to remind him that we don’t drink out of the Hello Kitty cowgirl glasses which are completely different than the cinnamaroll ones which we do drink out of.

  21. Yeah, I second the “your wife already knows about this by now” comment. Also the “she’ll probably just get another one if you get rid of #1” comment.

    That said, if you just happen to leave it in the closet and pile a whole bunch more stuff on top of it, hey, things happen.

  22. Hmmm.I have seen this at the mainstore in Sanrio Union Square, they are about $100. It seems that the island of Hawaii has always been a HK theme, and that even in the far flung island, there are hints of Hello Kitty. A conspiracy,indeed!

  23. “How do you dispose safely of an atomic bomb?”

    Answer : you can’t, just make sure it’s well stored and can’t do harm.

    The same applies to the horrendous stuff you just fished out of the closet, pack it well, hide it better and forget about it.
    A HK fanatic radar seem to be a hell of a thing, if your wife can see that 3 sheet of paper have gone missing on HK toilet paper, you can bet she will notice a missing pepto bismol cheap and tack ukulele.

    Not even worth triggering her warth here.

  24. Ok Criss Godzilla, now explain:-
    1) How come every other Uke I’ve ever seen (waaay too many) was a 8-string?
    2) How come you can’t spell Go(h)jira!! πŸ˜‰

  25. my friend would LOVE this! he just bought a pink ukulele and he loves hello kitty! i really didn’t know that hello kitty had an official one. interesting!

  26. hmm i’m curious, have you used the new hello kitty sleeping bag yet? i’d say if you haven’t try and keep your streak running and leave it where it was, maybe you’ll never have to sleep in it. and if in the future something happens, which quite frankly probably will, and you get sent to the bag, then when she’s asleep get your revenge by sneaking the thing out and DESTROYING IT! and also if you have already slept in the bag, go ahead and destroy it.
    there are many ways i could suggest to do so as well

  27. Kitteh!! I have answers! Oh yes I do…:)

    For one, you’ve apparently seen the slightly iunusual double-stringed ukes then, as the usual ones have just the four strings. The double-stringed ones have four pairs, much like a twelve-string guitar has six pairs. It’s not a quality issue, it’s more like a double-neck guitar or a flying v or something, just a variation. (although I’m not sayin’ this here is a quality uke, it’s not)

    Two…’cuz I’m using the American spelling. Cuz, you know, I was born in the US. I can spell Gojira…watch! g-o-j-i-r-a GOJIRA! πŸ™‚ I can write the calligraphy too…I’m a big geek. ;P

    Plays the uke (badly!) and loves her some kaiju,
    Criss Godzilla

  28. 1) Maybe I only know good musicians then, cos the few people I know who do play the Uke insist you need an 8-string partly for the sound off the extras, and partly cos they’re made better and souond better as a result.

    2) I’m a Otaku, but you should have guessed that from the question anyway!

  29. I’m sure your friends are talented, discerning musicians. However, their personal preference doesn’t mean that 8 strings automatically make a uke better than 4 strings do.

    There are buttloads of crappy 8 string ukes for sale online ($24.99 or so) and then some classic, fabulous well-made 4 stringers going for $1000 and up and vice-versa…not saying that the price means everything, but with instruments, mostly ya get whatcha pay for. I’m sure your friends will back me on that statement.
    So all I’m sayin’ is that number of strings is no indicator of the overall quality of the instrument.

    BTW, for clarity’s sake, the one I was referring to as ‘not a quality uke’ was the HK one here in the thread, not the 8-stringers.

    And yup, I figured you were an Otaku by the argumentativeness…lol…no worries, I’m there too, as you can tell. πŸ˜‰

    note to the dude whose blog this is…sorry about my geeky uke digression…lol…and you can still send that damn pink thing my way if’n ya wanna. πŸ˜€

  30. normally I would say destroy it but you posted about it so she is too likely to look in the trash for it now. I say either hide it VERY well or destroy both it and the sleeping bag since otherwise you are going to be stuck using the bag.

  31. i really enjoy your blog and think that the hell you live in seems a lot like my husband’s fanatic pokemon collection…

    as for the uke, just leave it there… no use in ticking your wife off!

    oh and i have to say that i find darlene and her comments utterly hilarious!

  32. Wow…way off topic guys!!!!
    This is about the evil feline and her plot to take over the world!
    (Besides… give me Guitar Hero any day!!!!!!)

  33. Oh my goodness WHERE DID SHE GET THAT?!?!?
    I play ukulele AND I’m obsessed with HK. Well, not as obsessed as she…I would call it admiration more than obsession. I also really like Gidget. Though not as much as The Kitty.

  34. destroying it would be bad but I can not help think you should play it for your wife doing an impersonation of Jimmy Hendrix’s performance at Monterey Pop

  35. Criss G, I have a very tin ear when it comes to my own performances (so I don’t, as a favour to the rest of the World) but I can tell a bad instrument or a bum note when I hear one. πŸ˜›

    Anyway, {CG}. Ok?

  36. i play the ukulele and wouldnt mind a hello kitty one. i dont think this will work but perhaps if you tell your wife someone “a terminally ill ukulele playing fellow hello kitty fan” is willing to even purchase her uke you’d get her to maybe budge and part with it. =)

  37. I have a Hello Kitty ukulele I recently bought in Honolulu. It was made by Lillang’s Guitar Factory who has an exemplary reputation for handmade guitars. My ukulele has a very sweet sound, keeps it’s tune very well, and the airbrush design on it is quite different than your wife’s. Are those stickers that comprise the design? Is hers a limited edition? Mine is # 46 of only 100 made. If hers is from Lilangs is could gain quite a value as the are renowned for making fine instruments. I could send a pic of mine if anyone’s interested.

  38. Not a chance! My uke has a sweet tone. I love playing it. The most unusual thing about it is when my friends come over, everyone wants to play it, even grown manly men who feel compelled to make up silly HK songs. These are real men I’m talking about…I live in Alaska! I think my uke is enchanted!

    Here’s an image: //i25.tinypic.com/vct8jl.jpg

    And Criss Godzilla…everything you say is true about ukes! Mine is a 4 stringer, I’ve been using a slide to play some songs which just so happens to be the lid from some HK Strawberry Hard Candy Lipstick. It works perfectly and matches!

    Here’s an image: //i26.tinypic.com/11c5t7p.jpg

  39. Don’t hurt it!!! I’m a Ukelele fanatic. I don’t play (yet), but in love with them. Ruin a useless peice of Hello Kitty Mech, but save the Uke.


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