onezero – Page 95 – Hello Kitty Hell

Hello Kitty Car

March 15, 2007 by onezero

You know there is something wrong when you start getting emails from people wondering when you are going to update Hello Kitty Hell. This wouldn’t be a bad thing if the people wanting the update were those that disliked Hello Kitty, but these are Hello Kitty fans. I will state right now that if you are getting withdrawal symptoms because you aren’t getting enough updates from a blog named Hello Kitty Hell, you’re way too into Hello Kitty. Do a favor to yourself (and your partner) and seek help right away…I suggest a 10 step Hello Kitty anonymous program.

You also know there is something seriously wrong when you have over 50 emails of Hello Kitty photos sitting in your email from people that think you need to see more Hello Kitty items. My email inbox is beginning to resemble my house. This is definitely not a good thing.

Take, for example, this Hello Kitty car:

My only saving grace at this point is that my wife feels that this Hello Kitty car is “too small” – that’s not to say she doesn’t want a fully decked out Hello Kitty car, she just wants a BIG one (which she is slowly doing to our current car…). The problem, of course, is that at some point I know I’m going to hear that we need a second car and this will certainly be in the running. There really should be some universal law that Hello Kitty and cars are not allowed to mix…

Thanks gemma (I think) for the link to carview

Update: Was there ever any doubt that these would be more?

Sent in by Jenny O.

Hello Kitty (Official) Pantie Liners

March 9, 2007 by onezero

Ah, the joys of having people send random Hello Kitty photos my way. Now not only do I know that there are unofficial Hello Kitty pantie liners, I also know that Kotex makes official Hello Kitty pantie liners (at least in China). I can already hear the conversation that is coming once my wife stumbles across this….”We can fly over on the Hello Kitty airline, pick up all kinds of Hello Kitty goods that aren’t available in Japan (like there aren’t enough here?!?) and have a great Hello Kitty time.”

Thanks (I think) to hellokittydarling (someone with that name should not be reading my blog)

Hello Kitty TV #3 & #4

March 6, 2007 by onezero

I guess it really wouldn’t come as a surprise that two different Hello Kitty TV set models would be enough. I’ve already mentioned the apple model and the flat screen model in previous posts, but then reader Mackenzie had to go point out that there was another Hello Kitty TV model in the comments area. I knew that it was merely a matter of time before my wife wandered in there and found yet another TV to add to her list…and it only took a day or so. Again, the question isn’t which one, but whether to buy them all or not.

So if there are 3 Hello Kitty TVs out there, why wouldn’t there be four? Of course there are and my wife found the fourth one the other day:

So she is now choosing between getting all four at once or all four, but one at a time…Hello Kitty Hell at its finest…

Hello Kitty Skeleton

March 1, 2007 by onezero

After my last post, I wondered if anything might shed a little stream of light into Hello Kitty Hell, and frankly, I wasn’t optimistic. That was until I saw what Hello Kitty looks like underneath all that “cuteness” and I realized that, yep, that was about what I expected. My wife was less thrilled with the rendering that Michael Paulus created:

These Icons are usually grotesquely distorted from the human form from which they derive. Being that they are so commonplace and accepted as existing I thought I would dissect them like science does to all living objects – trying to come to an understanding as to their origins and true physiological make up. Possibly to better understand them and see them in a new light for what they are in the most basic of terms.

I must admit that I prefer the skeletal image of Hello Kitty much better than the one that my wife loves so much. I think I’ll keep this image in my head each time I see Hello Kitty from now on 🙂

Hello Kitty Menstrual Pantie Liners

February 27, 2007 by onezero

Just when you believe you’ve seen it all, Hello Kitty reminds you that there is no bottom in the pit of Hello Kitty Hell. This, my friends, is when you know you have a true Hello Kitty fanatic on your hands. 99.9% of the population would look at these and simply say “WTF?!?” but to a Hello Kitty fanatic, something like this makes perfect sense and you receive a reply like this one from my wife: “What a cute idea, I want those” (I know, I know, you’re asking yourself “HOW is that a cute idea?!?” but it is useless to try and understand). So I present to you the Hello Kitty menstrual pantie liners:

Courtesy (I think) of fork in the comments via ebay

They also come in holiday themes:

Sent in by Xenaspanky

Hello Kitty Thermometer

February 26, 2007 by onezero

Now that my wife is toasty warm in her Hello Kitty heated lap blanket and Hello Kitty foot warmers, she decided that we needed to know how cold it was inside. I don’t need a Hello Kitty thermometer to tell me that I’m damn well cold (why else would I have on pink Hello Kitty foot warmers on my feet?!), but that holds little sway when you live in Hello Kitty Hell. So here is the thermometer she purchased:

Actually, it is ironic in a Hello Kitty Hell kind of way that I need Hello Kitty items to keep me warm and tell me how cold it is while living in a place that should be burning up.

Hello Kitty Chair Massager

February 22, 2007 by onezero

Again, an innocent comment has gotten me into Hello Kitty Hell trouble. Sitting in front of a computer all day isn’t the healthiest activity in the world and when I spend long hours typing away, my lower back sometimes gets sore. I mentioned the other day that my back was feeling the hours I had been putting in to my wife and walked into my computer room to see this attached to my chair: the Hello Kitty chair massager:

All I have to say is that there is something seriously wrong in the world when a grown man has Hello Kitty vibrating underneath him…

Hello Kitty USB Lap Warmer

February 19, 2007 by onezero

My wife is continuing to add to her Hello Kitty computer accessories to the point that she is going to need to get a massive USB hub (I’m sure that they make a Hello Kitty one somewhere and if they don’t, it’s likely already in the works) for all the Hello Kitty gadgets. She has been in love with the Hello Kitty foot warmers ever since she got them (I just never look under my desk and try not to think about the fact that a grown man has his feet in warm, fuzzy pink slippers – can’t be much less manly than that), so when she came across the Hello Kitty USB lap warmer, she had to have it:

My wife is deliriously happy that now not only are her toes toasty warm, both her lap and hands are also warm. She tried to get me to warm my hands, but I have resisted thus far. I’m afraid there may be hidden cameras that will catch the image of me in pink USB warmed slippers and a big, pink Hello Kitty face lap warmer on my knees which will eventually find their way onto some social network site where I will be humiliated to no end…I have no doubt that something like that is what Hello Kitty Hell has in store for me…

Hello Kitty Shower Radio

February 18, 2007 by onezero

One of the worst things about Hello Kitty Hell is that there is no place to escape it. Not even the bath / shower area is Hello Kitty safe. A couple of weeks back my wife decided that we needed a Hello Kitty shower radio to place in the bath area. I can tell you that nothing quite sums up Hello Kitty Hell as having to listen to jpop music (I swear that half the singers sound as if they are friends with Hello Kitty) over a Hello Kitty radio while taking a shower.

Hello Kitty Martini

February 17, 2007 by onezero

Hmmmm, it’s not often that I receive a Hello Kitty email that has me torn between this being a good thing or a bad thing (believe me, 99.9% of Hello Kitty photos sent to me are bad things). On the one hand, it is definitely not a good sign that they have started to name drinks after Hello Kitty. On the other hand, if you have to have something Hello Kitty in Hello Kitty Hell, having it come with strong alcohol included (to dull the inevitable pain) is certainly a plus. And unlike the Hello Kitty Sake and Hello Kitty Red Wine, this can’t really be saved for display. Thus I introduce to you the Hello Kitty Martini

Ingredients:
3 oz strawberry vodka
1/2 oz gin
1 1/2 oz peach schnapps

Directions:
Add all the above ingredients into a martini glass pouring over crushed ice. Stir well then garnish the glass with a strawberry (Hello Kitty bow)

Maybe the house won’t look quite so bad if I have a handful of these each night 😉

Thanks (I think) to dlbuegirl