Hello Kitty An Pan

While I’m sure that my wife appreciates the emails I receive with all the Hello Kitty stuff you think we should know about (believe me, it is only on rare occasion that something comes that we haven’t seen before), she really doesn’t need any more encouragement. This is especially true in areas where I’m trying to distract her from Hello Kitty.

I already realize that there is more than enough Hello Kitty food that exists that we could likely live on only Hello Kitty food. Just because something can be done doesn’t mean that it is a good thing to do. The goal here is to help relieve my Hello Kitty Hell, not watch it swirl deeper and deeper into an inescapable abyss. When readers like happykitty send me photos of Hello Kitty An Pan (“an” is a sickly sweet black bean paste often used in Japanese deserts, and while it seems apply appropriate as something that should fill the inside of a Hello Kitty item like bread (“pan”), it’s not something that any human should eat when wrapped around a Hello Kitty face) that my wife may really try to serve only Hello Kitty food.

Hello Kitty an pan

While I imagine that many of you enjoy my torture (hey, after reading this, could your life really be all that bad?), you must weigh that torture with the knowledge that if I die from sugar poisoning (the only outcome for anyone that lives on a Hello Kitty food diet) is that this blog will cease to be updated.

Why don’t they make Hello Kitty food that would actually be worthwhile eating and drinking like Hello Kitty pizza and Hello Kitty beer?

Hello Kitty Condom ???

Walking into the room after taking a short walk down to the grocery store, I went into my room to turn on the computer and saw a — “ummmm is that what I think it is?” — sitting right next to my computer. I stopped dead in my tracks at the door eyeing the small, square package from a distance. After my last post about babies and my ending comment about birth control, my immediate thought was that my wife had read the entry and had therefore left the little package next to my computer for me.

Now, of course, this brought about a huge mixture of feelings. First, it meant that I wouldn’t be sleeping on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag tonight which is always a good thing. But the more I thought about it, could one really have a romantic night while knowing where Hello Kitty was the whole time? I mean, there is something just really, really wrong with that image…

I know that they have made Badtz Maru condoms in the past and I have heard rumors that there are Hello Kitty condoms although I had never seen any in person (I’ve seen photos on other websites, but they all look to be photoshopped to me). Was I really seeing what I thought I was seeing?

Hello Kitty condom ???

On closer inspection, however, it turned out to be something completely different. What it actually turned out to be is Hello Kitty cheese. Now why they place the Hello Kitty cheese in packages that makes it look like a condom is anyone’s guess, but as you probably already know, I stopped trying to figure out anything Hello Kitty long ago.

Hello Kitty cheese

What’s more worrying is that my wife decided to bring me Hello Kitty food which I assume means she still has the “all Hello Kitty food” idea in her head. That, my friends, can mean nothing other than pure Hello Kitty Hell down the road…

Hello Kitty Cereal (fruit flavored snacks)

What’s worse than my wife seeing Hello Kitty products that she decides she must have? When those products inspired her to think beyond the Hello Kitty product itself. This, my friends, is where the real Hello Kitty Hell begins.

Reader skyler decided to add to my Hello Kitty Hell by pointing out that in addition to Hello Kitty Pop Tarts, Kellogg’s also makes Hello Kitty Fruit Flavor Snacks (is this Hello Kitty cereal or just snack packages – not that it really matters as I’m sure it’s completely disgusting either way)

Hello Kitty fruit flavor snacks

While any additional type of food that may make it into our house is certainly Hello Kitty Hell noteworthy, Hello Kitty Hell took on a new dimension when my wife began to think about all Hello Kitty food combined together:

wife: “You know, I just had a good idea”

me: “really?” (secretly praying: “please don’t let this be Hello Kitty related”)

wife: “I bet that we could live on only Hello Kitty food!”

me: (eyes popping out of head in shear terror) “Um, you remember that screen on the balcony that you have been wanting me to fix for the last 6 months, I think I will do that right now” (it’s amazing how fast the brain can work when survival is at stake)

wife: Look of shock that something that she had be hounding on me for months to do would all of a sudden be offered to be done

me: out of the room as quickly as possible and working on fixing the screen

Of course, this doesn’t mean the end of it and it could end up being even worse. The hope is that she will forget the thought of living off of Hello Kitty food (I don’t often wish for much, but I am praying that this happens), but it’s bound to come up again in the future. then it is only a matter of time before she makes the connection that I will do virtually anything that needs to be done around the house to avoid eating Hello Kitty food on a regular basis. While I may have stalled the doom for the moment, it’s still lurking right around the corner…

Hello Kitty Pop Tarts

Maybe there is an angel looking over me in Hello Kitty Hell (oh boy, is that wishful thinking…) – at least these Hello Kitty Pop Tarts weren’t ever spotted at our local grocery store while we were back in the US.

Hello Kitty Pop Tarts

If they had been, I probably would have had to eat pop tarts for three meals a day. Somehow, Hello Kitty and Pop Tarts seem to go together well – sickeningly sweet and not at all good for you.

Thinking about it a bit more, those may not have been all that bad compared to what may be in store for me…there are far more Hello Kitty foods in Japan that I will be tortured with now that we are back as you will see (probably to your amusement, but to my chagrin). Worse, the Hello Kitty Pop Tarts aren’t really out of reach of my wife – she’ll probably order some once she reads this since they are available online…

**Thanks (I think) to Amaranthim who left a link in the comments

Update: Not a pretty sight:

hello kitty poptart

Sent in by Julia

Hello Kitty Hamburger

My wife took one look at the Hello Kitty hamburger and decided that she wanted to go there to eat. Fortunately, this isn’t available in the US or we would likely be eating there on a regular basis. Of course, she believes that if something like this was started in the US, it would be a great hit. While I would hope that Americans would have a bit better judgement, I have learned never to underestimate the zeal of Hello Kitty fanatics.

Hello Kitty Hamburger

Hello Kitty Hamburger Set

We did eat a lot of different Hello Kitty food when we were in Japan. It actually wasn’t as bad as it might first appear. Yes, it is somewhat nauseating having Hello Kitty stare back at you while you are eating, but there is a sort of satisfaction being able to munch down on her image and know eventually where she will be coming out (I’m actually hoping that my wife reads this and decides that I’m never allowed to eat Hello Kitty food again). You have to find a glimmer of hope where ever you can when you live in Hello Kitty Hell.

These photos were sent to me by reader slomo and comes via indianpad.