Food – Page 7 – Hello Kitty Hell

Hello Kitty Banana Cover

April 25, 2007 by onezero

The thing about Hello Kitty Hell is that it will never end. Any normal person would assume that Hello Kitty would eventually run out of new things to stamp her little face on, but that is not how Hello Kitty works. When it becomes difficult to find items that haven’t already been Hello Kittified, there is a simple answer: invent new ones.

WTF?!? A Hello Kitty banana cover? Don’t bananas already come with their own naturally produced covers? That is how any normal person should react upon seeing this Hello Kitty product. Not my wife. “That is soooooo cute. We need some,” was her reaction in typical Hello Kitty Hell fashion.

Having lived in Hello Kitty Hell for a number of years, I have seen my share of completely useless Hello Kitty products. I have to say the Hello Kitty banana cover has to rank not only near the top of totally useless Hello Kitty products invented, but of all products ever invented. That being said, I have no doubt that the Hello Kitty apple and orange covers are already in the works…

Update: You really thought the evil feline could stop at one Hello Kitty banana cover?

Sent in by leslie

Hello Kitty Strawberry

April 13, 2007 by onezero

It’s bad enough that Hello Kitty comes in all its man-made shapes and forms, but Hello Kitty Hell gets even worse when Hello Kitty appears naturally. Hello Kitty fans believe this is some divine intervention showing that Hello Kitty is loved by all rather than the obvious truth that it was simply a grotesque mutation that should have never appeared on earth. That is the case with this latest photo that was sent to me:

Wife: “That is the cutest thing that I have ever seen. Scientists should really sit down and think of away to genetically make strawberries to look like Hello Kitty. If they did that, everyone would want to buy strawberries.”

There is probably a scientist at Sanrio right now working on a way to make this possible because that is exactly how Hello Kitty Hell works…

Reader hksweet (what the hell is with all these “hk” usernames visiting this blog?) deserves to taste only strawberry for the rest of her life for sending this photo to me (and even more punishment if it ever becomes a cash crop).

Hello Kitty Bento

April 11, 2007 by onezero

It’s cherry blossom viewing season in Japan and so my wife wants to make a picnic and go view the cherry blossoms. Then Hello Kitty Hell struck with a link left in the last post that showed photos of various Hello Kitty obento creations:

I don’t even want to imagine what I’m going to see when I open my bento box next time. You know those scary movies when the main character decides that it’s a good idea to go down into the basement, and the feeling you get when she/he opens the basement door – that “No! No! Don’t do it! How the hell can you be so stupid? You know how horrible it’s going to be down there!” That’s the feeling I’m going to have every time I open up a bento box from now on…which pretty much is on par with Hello Kitty Hell.

From Mrs Muffle in the comments who should be forced to not only make these for herself, but also eat them everyday from now on… (via e-charaben)

Update: One would think that the above Hello Kitty bentos would be enough to swear all others off of creating their own, but that would be greatly underestimating the complete lack of sanity of Hello Kitty fanatics:

Sent in by milli (via akinoichigo)

Hello Kitty Food Stamp

April 10, 2007 by onezero

Well, this little Hello Kitty email pretty much guaranteed Hello Kitty Food Hell for the rest of my life. Now not only can my wife search for all the Hello Kitty branded food out there to torture me with, but if for some reason she’s in a hurry or can’t find a particular food that comes with Hello Kitty, she can simply brand it with a Hello Kitty stamp:

Just thinking about all the food my wife can now Hello Kittify is nauseating in itself. Even worse, there is no doubt that Hello Kitty Hell has reached a new pinnacle of Hellishness when you not only are surrounded by her 24/7 on the outside, but she is also slowly moving her way through your bowels day and night…

Obviously, eemcginnis who passed this photo my way deserves to eat as much Hello Kitty food as I will eventually have to eat…

Hello Kitty Easter Eggs

April 6, 2007 by onezero

One of the many troubles with living in Hello Kitty Hell is that every holiday is an excuse to get more Hello Kitty. It makes no difference that Hello Kitty has absolutely no connection with the event — she will find a way to be there. Take, for example, these Hello Kitty Easter Eggs:

from reader shoho

How in Hello Kitty Hell did Hello Kitty weasel her way into this holiday? There is absolutely no connection, but there she is like she owns the holiday.

Sakurako Kitsa [flickr]

OneLuckyBiatch [flickr]

buzzbo [flickr]

There is just something totally depressing knowing that I will wake up on Sunday to find pink colored eggs covered with Hello Kitty all over the house. Not to mention too many assortments of Hello Kitty candy. I’m already feeling sick and the day hasn’t even arrived…

Oh, how I long for the good old days when the only concern at Easter was whether the chocolate bunny was hollow or solid…

Reader shoho, who sent the original photo (to get my wife really excited about a Hello Kitty Easter), should really have to eat nothing but Hello Kitty Easter candy for the next week…

Sent in by Monica

Hello Kitty Noodles

April 4, 2007 by onezero

No post goes unpunished in Hello Kitty Hell with a deluge of links and photos to similar Hello Kitty products…as if I really want to know they exist or even worse, that I want my wife to know they exist. It seems to me that there is a conspiracy among the readers that think it would be fun to see me suffer through eating Hello Kitty food – why else would people send me photos like this?

An extremely worrying trend I’m seeing with the Hello Kitty food is that not only do I have to look at Hello Kitty when eating it, but it also comes with some type of Hello Kitty container which means more Hello Kitty junk around the house. Typical Hello Kitty Hell…

From adora who should definitely eat Hello Kitty food for at least a week for even thinking of sending me that photo…

Hello Kitty Ramen

April 3, 2007 by onezero

It’s emails like this that make Hello Kitty Hell the Hell it is. It seemed that my wife was slowly letting go of her all Hello Kitty food fantasies as she concentrated on other Hello Kitty goods when this shows up in my email:

wife: You like ramen!

me: I like real ramen…

wife: Hello Kitty ramen isn’t real ramen?

me: … (thinking: “oh boy, this is another one of those no win questions”)

wife: It’s soooooooo cute. We have to buy it.

me: … (thinking: can it get worse?)

wife: Which reminds me, we really should eat all Hello Kitty food. See, this is yet another proof Hello Kitty is not all sugar and candy

me: … (thinking: yep, it just got worse…)

So it seems that at some point in the near future I’m going to be looking at Hello Kitty food, on Hello Kitty plates in front of me. I bet something like this could be a pretty successful diet, cause I don’t see how I’m going to be able to keep any of it down…

From reader yznw who really should be the one that has to eat this crap…

Hello Kitty Pasta

February 16, 2007 by onezero

Yikes…the Hello Kitty Hell food issue is fast becoming a train with no brakes. It has progressed to the point where I’m not sure there is anything I can do to stop it as my wife finds more and more Hello Kitty food that is not pure sugar. Her latest purchase to prove to me that Hello Kitty can be healthy is a box of Hello Kitty macaroni pasta. Even worse, it comes in a decorative Hello Kitty jar so even after the pasta is gone, there will still be more Hello Kitty in the house:

Sitting down to a meal with Hello Kitty food on a Hello Kitty plate pretty well sums up the Hello Kitty Hell I’m living in. Why don’t they invent a Hello Kitty garbage disposal…that might be something Hello Kitty I could get into…

Update: I thought that moving away from Japan would allow me to escape Hello Kitty Hell pasta nights — apparently the evil feline was having none of that making her way into foreign countries:

Sent in by ralph (via sooperkuh)

Sent in by sybill

And of course someone had to make homemade Hello Kitty pasta as well…

Sent in by itgirl

And now there is Hello Kitty organic pasta:

Sent in by asianbanker

Hello Kitty Yogurt Maker

February 12, 2007 by onezero

The thing you learn in Hello Kitty Hell is that if you complain about one aspect of Hello Kitty, it will usually come back to haunt you because Hello Kitty has likely capitalized on both sides of the issue. my wife continues to hint about trying an all Hello Kitty diet (just thinking about that sends chills down my spine) and I finally blurted out, “it would be the most unhealthy diet in the world” (note to self: don’t blurt out things that will challenge my wife to prove me wrong). So I guess it really shouldn’t be a surprise that I found a new Hello Kitty Yogurt maker in our kitchen this morning.

Somehow I still don’t think that sugar and yogurt constitute a healthy diet, but I’m keeping my mouth shut to avoid more “healthy” Hello Kitty food gadgets ending up in our kitchen…

Hello Kitty Toaster Oven

February 4, 2007 by onezero

Part of the problem when living in Hello Kitty Hell is that it begins the moment that you get up in the morning. If it isn’t the Hello Kitty futon (or Hello Kitty sleeping bag on the couch depending how the previous day had gone), the first meal of the day also has Hello Kitty written all over it. It probably goes without saying that the vast majority of our plates and bowls have a Hello Kitty theme (we’ll get to photos of those at a later date), but also a lot of our cooking utensils including our Hello Kitty toaster oven:

There’s just something that makes toast a lot less appetizing when it comes out of a Hello Kitty toaster. And yes, I am aware that there is a Hello Kitty toaster that toasts Hello Kitty onto the toast because my wife also has this, but the aim of breakfast is to get food into your stomach and not throw it up all over the table, which would happen if I had to look at Hello Kitty actually on my toast…