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Hello Kitty Psycho Test 2

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I’m sure there is some underlining reason why Sanrio labels it’s tests as “psycho” in their URLs (hint to Hello Kitty fanatics, it’s a not so subtle message to you). Whatever the reason, Hello Kitty couldn’t stop at just one psycho test, so here is another:


HK Test

Hello Kitty Speculative Fiction Psychology Test

My theory is Hello Kitty psycho psychology tests all tell you that you are depressed so that you have a reason to buy Hello Kitty to make you happy. At least Hello Kitty thinks I’m depressed (note: spelling and grammar are Hello kitty’s, not mine) :

You often look down on yourself.

You feel bad about your personality. In another word, you only see your shortcomings and ignore or your advantages. If you must expose your inner self in front of others, you find that very hard to do, and you would hate yourself. But actually, if you look from another angel, your shortcomings could be your advantages instead. For example, you think you get mad easily, but actually that’s because you are very sincere and you don’t hesitate to show your emotions. If you think you are weak, others probably think you are very gentle and understanding. You must look at your personality from another positive angle and be nice to yourself.

Of course, my wife sees this as yet more proof that my life is depressing because I don’t accept Hello Kitty as my savior. I blame it on having to listen to the Hello Kitty theme song 24 hours a day over her new Hello Kitty speakers. Either way, it confirms that I’m living in Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty Compact Computer / iPod Speakers

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Because Hello Kitty has never seen a gadget that she doesn’t love to Hello Kittify, this arrived at our house today in the mail – the Hello Kitty compact speakers:

Hello Kitty compact speakers

Hello Kitty compact speaker

Of course my wife already has Hello Kitty speakers, but these speakers can be used for all the devices she has. It has a USB cord for the computer and also can be hooked into CD and MP3 players including her Hello Kitty iPod.

It took all of 2 seconds before she had to try it out on all the gadgets it would work with (my Hello Kitty Hell question of the day is that if Hello Kitty can have so many damn electronic gadgets, why does she have only one totally annoying theme song that gets played on all of them?) which once again confirmed that it doesn’t matter what speakers one uses, the Hello Kitty theme song will always be irritating enough to make anyone listening consider committing suicide.

Another typical day in Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty Checks

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Even though we live in Japan where checks are not accepted, my wife had to have these (surprise, surprise).

Hello Kitty checks

Hello Kitty checks

Hello Kitty checks

Hello Kitty checks

Hello Kitty checks

Even worse, when we move back to the US, I will likely be forced to use these patterns (mental note to self: don’t ask wife to order checks for me). I can already imagine how manly I’m going to look going up to the store check-out register and whipping out my Hello Kitty checks…a toss up between that and using the Hello Kitty credit card…

Thanks to CH Hair Fan who really should be forced to use these checks for the rest of her life for bringing them to my wife’s attention

Hello Kitty Tiara

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My wife has decided that we need to go on random Hello Kitty excursions around Japan these next couple of weeks which means I’m going to have limited time to actually comment about the Hello Kitty Hell I’m suffering through. Instead of leaving the blog blank during this time, I have decided to go through the 250+ emails that have sent me photos of random Hello Kitty Hell products (believe me, there are far more than you want to know and this goes to show that Hello Kitty fanatics spend too much time sending me email rather than doing something productive like living life) and will be placing them up, but without the usual commentary. Please feel free to place your own commentary as you see fit and hopefully I will not have slashed my wrists from some awful Hello Kitty Hell experience before I get the chance to write some more.

So to get things started, the Hello Kitty Tiara worn by Jeffree Star (yes, that is a guy)

Hello Kitty tiara

Sent in by Faye (via Jeffree Star) who should have to not only wear the tiara, but color her hair Hello Kitty pink as well for thinking it would be a good idea to send this to me…

Hello Kitty Cheerleader Superhero Video

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It’s when I receive things like this in my email box that I know it’s going to be a horrendous Hello Kitty Hell day:

If we ever have a girl, that is exactly how my wife hopes our daughter turns out. I think I’ll go and cry in a corner and pray for a boy (although that might even be worse)…

This was so bad that the person that sent it did so anonymously. While they should definitely have to dress up like this for the rest of their lives for even thinking of sending it to me, I give them credit for not wanting to be associated with such a Hello Kitty Hellish and lower the sentence to just a year…

Hello Kitty Corset

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We already know that Hello Kitty makes a wide variety of underwear including bras, boxers and even some scary boy’s briefs, but of course that is not enough — Hello Kitty has not mastered full domination until she also has a Hello Kitty corset:

Hello Kitty corest

Hello Kitty corest

My wife loves it. “Isn’t it wonderful how Hello Kitty is always helping women look their best?”

For a brief moment, I actually thought the idea of a Hello Kitty fanatic (namely my wife) getting a Hello Kitty corset would be good. There might be a tiny bit of justice if she decided to wear the corset and had it tied so tight that she could hardly breath (of course, all in the name of Hello Kitty helping women look better), but it didn’t take long to realize that this type of reasoning doesn’t work on my wife. Buying stuff for her Hello Kitty collection has nothing to do with actually using the stuff 99% of the time (of course this doesn’t make any sense, but we have already established that Hello Kitty fanatics never do — unless you also happen to be a Hello Kitty fanatic).

The Hello Kitty Hell gods teasing me by getting my hopes up that justice would actually be served to a Hello Kitty fanatic for however brief a moment is yet another aspect of living in Hello Kitty Hell…

Thanks to kittyfan3 (via mindticor.com) who should have to wear one of these as tight as possible for bringing it to my attention

Hello Kitty Boyfriend

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It’s bad enough that Hello Kitty fanatics feel it is okay to dress up cats and dogs as Hello Kitty, but you know you’re in real trouble when they feel it is appropriate to dress you up as Hello Kitty as this poor soul found out:

Hello Kitty boyfriend

I want to scream and shout at him to run for his life, but if he has endured until this point, there is no hope for him. I’m sure that he will be seeking to write a column on this blog in the not too distant future. My wife thinks that he is wonderful. “Look at how he shares his love of Hello Kitty with his girlfriend. You could learn from him…” I was tempted to remind her that she had to do this to him while he was sleeping, but didn’t want to place the thought into her mind that it might be a good thing to do to me, too.

His only saving grace is that his girlfriend had the decency to block out his face so he wouldn’t be ridiculed by all of his co-workers and friends for the rest of his life. My wife would have done no such thing she says. “You should be proud to show off your love of Hello Kitty if you’re male or female. Hello Kitty loves everyone the same.” And she wonders why I won’t let her do something like that to me…

The new Hello Kitty Hell concern is that my wife has embraced the idea of dressing me up while I’m sleeping. She hasn’t mentioned it specifically (and as I mentioned, I didn’t want to give her any ideas), but she had that Hello Kitty Hell twinkle in her eye as she looked at it and that can only mean trouble. Just one more worry to add to all the rest living in Hello Kitty Hell…

From xina in the comments, who really should have to wear the Hello Kitty head gear herself everyday for the rest of her life for any ideas she has given my wife…

Hello Kitty Leather Jacket

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I know it’s going to be another Hellish day in Hello Kitty Hell when my wife decides I need a Hello Kitty leather jacket like this guy:

legacy of cuteality

Of course, she also wants to know why I’m not as enthusiastic about Hello Kitty as he is to which I simply have to say, if I even become 1/1,000,000 as enthusiastic as he is, someone simply shoot me and put me out of my misery…

Now I will have to wait in dire Hello Kitty Hell fear that a Hello Kitty leather jacket will soon appear at our door…

Left in the comments by Catherine who should have to marry this guy for even considering showing me this video

Hello Kitty Cell Phone Charger

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Well, that certainly didn’t take long. Now that my wife has her blinged out Hello Kitty cell phone, she has decided that she needs to increase the number of Hello Kitty cell phone accessories she has (like that is a big surprise). Here latest purchase is this Hello Kitty portable cell phone recharger:

Hello Kitty cell phone recharger

Basically it is nothing more than a piece of molded plastic with USB cable, but my wife seems to like it for two main reasons: It’s light (only 50g including battery weight, but not the cable) so it’s not a problem for her to take it anywhere and Hello Kitty’s cheeks turn pink when the cell phone is charged (which she says is “so incredibly cute!”). At least it wasn’t one of her more expensive purchases at only $8 (998 yen) although with battery replacement it is going to cost a lot more in the long run.

I’m just trying to prepare myself for the onslaught of Hello Kitty cell phone accessories that will undoubtedly be showing up on our doorstep in the coming weeks and the Hello Kitty Hell situations that they will inevitably create…

Hello Kitty Fetish Fanatics

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Let me say this once (I really don’t believe that I need to say this even one time) — I seriously have no (I’m talking 100%) interest in hearing about your Hello Kitty fetishes. While I view myself as being quite liberal and believe that what consenting adults decide to do in their own home is their own business, that doesn’t mean I have any desire to actually know in detail what it is you are doing with Hello Kitty in the privacy of your own home (and for all you Hello Kitty fanatics that visit this site that complain I’m being mean to Hello Kitty, believe me, you have no idea (nor do you want to know) what some people are doing to – or should I say “with” – her…).

I think it is pretty safe to claim a new low in Hello Kitty Hell when those with Hello Kitty fetishes believe not only that it is OK to email theirs to me, but that I would actually want to read about it…