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Hello Kitty Psycho Test

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Now before all you Hello Kitty fans (who shouldn’t even be viewing this blog anyway – haven’t you realized this is an anti-Hello Kitty blog yet?) get into a Hello Kitty hissy-fit about the title of this entry, I’m just using the words that Sanrio uses in their own url to post (see, even Sanrio thinks that all of you Hello Kitty fanatics are a bit psycho 😉 – actually double psycho if you look at the url) the Hello Kitty Psycho Psychology Test:

Hello Kitty psychology test

While I have major concerns when people ensure their psychology tests to a make believe feline, it’s simply another example of how Hello Kitty is after world domination. Beyond the money in your pocket book, she wants to control your mind as well (which she if effectively doing to far too many Hello Kitty fanatics). Of course, my wife wanted me to take the test which produced the following results:

It’s virtually impossible for you to care for others. For example you would probably eat and drink next to a friend who is on a diet, or you would share your romance with a friend who just broke up or some other insensitive things like such. Sometimes, you should really stand in other’s shoe and think of them – otherwise, those around you would probably think you are a “self-centered” and evil person.

Wow, that was an abundance of Hello Kitty sweetness calling me a “self-centered evil person” just because I preferred to keep the red cup for myself…Hmmmmmm, maybe Hello Kitty should take some of her own psycho psychological advice. Or maybe this is just the result that Hello Kitty herself creates when you have to look at her in Hello Kitty Hell everyday…

Of course, my wife sees the results as a sign that I don’t have enough Hello Kitty in my life and need more to combat the evil within me “so Hello Kitty’s sweetness can seep into your heart” — now, the thought of that is true Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty Hospital

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I know it is going to be a Hello Kitty Hellish day when my wife screams with excitement about a new Hello Kitty place she wants to visit. It appears that there is a women’s hospital in Taiwan that has a Hello Kitty room for expectant mothers. It is decorated with pictures of Hello Kitty and Mimmy and who knows what else…

Hello Kitty hospital

I suppose this is their way of making the father go through the same pain and nausea as the mother giving birth, although I suspect that having to stay in a Hello Kitty decorated room waiting for your baby to arrive is actually more painful for the father. It certainly isn’t a positive sign of what the man can expect in future years.

My wife’s interest in this concerns me on a number of levels, but I have these terrible thoughts that we are going to end up going from the Hello Kitty love hotel to this Hello Kitty hospital. The only upside I can see in this whole situation is that it may possibly mean I don’t have to spend so many nights on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag, but I’m not sure that even that is worth the price for the obvious future Hello Kitty Hell I will have to endure…

Thanks (I think) to Cindy who should be forced to have all her kids born at this hospital

Hello Kitty Beer

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Reader Danny took pity on me and is the first person that decided my Hello Kitty Hell deserved some intoxication to help dull the pain and get me through it. He’s the first person to buy me a beer (click on the title of this post and look to the right if you have no clue what I’m talking about). Despite his generosity and my thankful senses, Hello Kitty Hell would be Hello Kitty Hell if I could simply drink a beer in peace and quiet. It’s a sad fact of life that there isn’t a single cup in our house that isn’t branded with Hello Kitty so my refreshing beverage had to be consumed in a Hello Kitty cup:

Hello Kitty beer reward

There should be a law that if you are a guy drinking beer, the beer can’t be in a Hello Kitty cup. Instead of being able to sit back and sip my beer slowly and with pleasure, Hello Kitty Hell and the Hello Kitty cup dictate that the beer needs to be downed as quickly as possible…each time you bring the cup to your lips, you see your sworn enemy directly before your eyes and you want to dull the pain of the situation as quickly as possible. Thus the Hello Kitty Hell escape paradox – when you believe that you will believe you will be able to escape Hello Kitty Hell even for a few minutes, she ends up being closer to you than you’d ever want her to be…

Hello Kitty Car Exhaust Pipe

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It had to happen (I was just praying that it happened after I had already died). My wife finally found and purchased a Hello Kitty exhaust pipe for our car in her attempt to Hello Kittify all our transportation:

Hello Kitty car exhaust pipe

Hello Kitty exhaust pipe

Way too many people have sent me in this photo

Hello Kitty exhaust pipe

(don’t you all have better things to do than to try and make my life more Hello Kitty Hellish?) and for awhile I managed to convince my wife that it was another photoshop job, but as usual, she finally managed to track the real thing down. A typical day in Hello Kitty Hell…

Update: Unfortunately, it seems the evil feline has decided to expand this line:

Sent in by anonymous

Hello Kitty Jason

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Somehow this seems like a Hello Kitty alter ego that is probably deep within her, although I still think she is scarier without the mask (although the fact that a Hello Kitty chainsaw really does exist is even scarier):

Hello Kitty Jason

Sent in by duncan (via artist Joseph)

Update: You knew there was no way that the Jason x Hello Kitty theme would ever end with just one item:

Hello Kitty Friday the 13th Jason mask

Sent in by Rob

Hello Kitty Flowers

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My wife loves to get flowers, but a dozen roses won’t do. In fact, any bouquet of regular flowers, no matter how beautiful, just doesn’t make the grade. If I ever give her flowers, they have to be Hello Kitty flowers:

Hello Kitty flowers

Hello Kitty flowers

Hello Kitty flowers

Hello Kitty flowers

Hello Kitty flowers

When guests come over and she wants us to have flowers on the table, they have to be Hello Kitty. What’s crazy is that you can go into practically any flower shop in Japan and they will know how to make these bouquets – it’s downright depressing. There really should be some law that grown men aren’t allowed to buy bouquets of Hello Kitty flowers. There is nothing more embarrassing than walking down a crowded street with something like that in your hands, but it is yet another aspect of my Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by numerous readers…

As if these weren’t enough to make you sick, more photos sent in by reader Linda

Hello Kitty Dear Daniel flowers

Hello Kitty flower bouquet

Hello Kitty Hello Mimmy flowers

Hello Kitty carnations

Hello Kitty flowers

Hello Kitty flower bouquets

More photos sent in by tricia

Hello Kitty bouquet

Hello Kitty flower bouquet

Hello Kitty flower frame

Hello Kitty heart flower

Update: It keeps getting worse — not only are these available for purchase, there are now tutorials online on how to make Hello Kitty flowers (what the tutorial really should be named is “How to make sure to lose your significant other in the quickest way possible.”)

how to make a hello kitty flower

Sent in by HK Guy

Hello Kitty Dog Tattoo

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There are a lot of things that are just plain wrong with Hello Kitty fanatics. Getting a Hello Kitty tattoo is one of them. Getting a Hello Kitty Star Wars tattoo is even worse. But when Hello Kitty fanatics start tattooing their dog with Hello Kitty, there has been a boundary that has been crossed. Can there be a bigger insult if you are a dog? Having to go around in life with a Hello Kitty tattoo because you owner thought it would be “cute.” That dog must have been teased mercilessly by the other dogs at the park…

Hello Kitty tattoo dog

Hello Kitty dog tattoo

Which leads me to my latest Hello Kitty fear. If a Hello Kitty fanatic would be willing to place a Hello Kitty tattoo on their dog, then obviously my wife would have no problem tattooing me with Hello Kitty. I think I’m going to have to be extra careful from now on when I go out drinking or I may end up with they same exact Hello Kitty Hell that dog must endure…

This was sent in by a number of readers including hellopink, Tim, Hayley and cuterthanu – may all of you have to wear a Hello Kitty tattoo yourself…

Hello Kitty Educational Video

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Now that the Hello Kitty ceramic figure has been saved and is on its way to well protected safety, I thought that with my new found affection for Hello Kitty I should do something responsible for all those impressionable kids out there. I therefore spoke with my wife and convinced her to give me a couple of Hello Kitty plush to use as characters to make an educational video. Even better, Hello Kitty is dressed in a school uniform and Dear Daniel is in a graduation gown. The question became, what lesson should I teach to all the impressionable kids out there?

Hello Kitty school plush

I considered this awhile and thought it’s important for kids to understand that fireworks are dangerous. I could have Hello Kitty and Dear Daniel show the dangers of playing with fireworks. If in the process of showing how fireworks can be dangerous, Hello Kitty and Dear Daniel accidentally found themselves trapped in barrage of fireworks and ended up lighting up in amazingly colorful sparks, we would all know that this was a sad event, but they had taught everybody an important point.

Or if I was to teach kids about the dangers of playing near the water by a fast moving river and both Hello Kitty and Dear Daniel accidentally fell into the river and got swept through raging rapids and then over a high waterfall, we would all feel bad, but understand that they had done a great service in teaching us about safety near rivers.

Or if I had a wood chipper and wanted to teach how dangerous it is to be near one of these machines as the machine grinds branches into small chips and Hello Kitty and Dear Daniel accidentally get stuck in one of the branches and go through the chipping machine, we would all feel terrible, but know that they had taught us a very important lesson about the dangers of wood chipping machines.

After considering numerous ways I could teach kids about the dangers in the world with Hello Kitty and Dear Daniel (and smiling the entire time), I realized that I didn’t feel like sleeping on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag for the next month.

I have therefore decided to let the readers of this blog tell me how they would use Hello Kitty and Dear Daniel to teach kids about safety. Of course you should have a video camera to tape the lesson and any accidental events that may happen during it.

If you feel that you can do justice in teaching an important lesson to all the kids about safety using the Hello Kitty and Dear Daniel plush pictured here, please leave a comment on exactly what lesson you would teach and at the end of the week I will choose the best one to send these two plush to…