The thing that I fear most in Hello Kitty Hell is when my wife and I have kids. It’s an absolutely no win situation, first and foremost, because she will want to have the baby conceived in a Hello Kitty bondage room and delivered in a Hello Kitty maternity ward. If it’s a baby boy, he’s going to have to grow up dealing with Hello Kitty all around. If it’s a baby girl, well, suffice to say that all Hello Kitty Hell will break loose and my current situation will seem mild by comparison. That’s because things like Hello Kitty beauty pageants for kids exist: