Princess Tiara

When you think about the evil feline, things don’t get much worse than the things that she brands for weddings. From engagement and wedding rings to wedding dresses (with almost every type of accessory in between), you knew that there was no way that she could resist making the bride the object of hideousness by providing the one wedding accessory that would make her look ridiculous. Since Miss Kitty knows that no true fan would dare walk down the aisle without wearing a $30,000 platinum Hello Kitty princess tiara on her head (and that they would also be willing to pay that much for it), she created one:

hello kitty tiara

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Hello Kitty Beauty Pageant

The thing that I fear most in Hello Kitty Hell is when my wife and I have kids. It’s an absolutely no win situation, first and foremost, because she will want to have the baby conceived in a Hello Kitty bondage room and delivered in a Hello Kitty maternity ward. If it’s a baby boy, he’s going to have to grow up dealing with Hello Kitty all around. If it’s a baby girl, well, suffice to say that all Hello Kitty Hell will break loose and my current situation will seem mild by comparison. That’s because things like Hello Kitty beauty pageants for kids exist:

Hello Kitty beauty pageant

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Hello Kitty Birthday Party

I hate my birthday. It’s not that I care that I am getting a year older, but the fear each year of what my wife will do to celebrate it. It’s never a pretty sight and no matter how much I protest, she manages to slip the evil feline into the celebration in some way. The truth is that what she would really like to do is throw me a party like this:

Hello Kitty birthday party

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