Hello Kitty Convention 2008

You know that Hello Kitty Hell has reached an entirely new level of Hellishness when someone like me is actually invited to a Hello Kitty convention to give a presentation:

I know you and Mrs. HKH are in Japan, but I wanted to let you know that next November, you’re invited to KittyCon 2008. It’s a fan-sponsored and supported convention of Kitty lovers to meet, shop, swap, and learn more about everyone’s (!) favorite feline. I’ve just kicked off the web site, which you can check out at KittyCon2008. I’m writing for a few reasons. First, if you’re in town, I’d actually get a huge laugh if you were interested in doing a seminar about your blog and adventures being a HKH (hello kitty husband?) I’d make sure that you were treated with complete politeness – no one will be mean to you there. I think it’d be cool to meet the man behind the blog! If you guys just wanted to attend, you’d be welcome to that as well. (And if you wanted to be anonymous, cool.) I’m just getting started now with lining up the vendors and seminar leaders and volunteers. The best part (yes, I can feel you cringing) is that the convention will be November 1-2, 2008, which happens to be Hello Kitty’s birthday (Nov 1). Whee! It’ll take place in Raleigh, NC.

This is just so wrong on so many levels that I’m not even sure where to begin, but since I have to begin somewhere:

First, they have Hello Kitty conventions. Take a moment and reflect about that. Swarms of Hello Kitty fanatics gathering together to squeal in sugary delight and celebrate the loveliness of all the “cutest things ever” without a hint of sarcasm in their voices. You are excused to run as fast as you can to the toilet so you don’t make a mess anyplace else in your house.

Secondly, I personally cannot think of anything more disturbing than spending the day with a large group of Hello Kitty fanatics. Take out the medieval torture devices because that would be like a relaxing vacation compared to a Hello Kitty convention. Send Jack Bauer to interrogate me because that would be many times less painful. If I had to attend something like this, I would undoubtedly have to be removed in a straitjacket, and the nightmare would be even worse because there is likely a Hello Kitty straitjacket which they would use…

Thirdly, even more disturbing than the thought of spending a day with Hello Kitty fanatics is the thought that there are Hello Kitty fanatics that actually think that it would be a good idea for me to attend a Hello Kitty convention. Somehow, I don’t think that any presentation that I might give would go over too well. I can’t imagine the Hello Kitty fanatics enjoying themselves as I spent the entire time insulting both Hello Kitty and their fanaticism. While there are a lot of terrible ways to have your life end in this world, being attacked and killed by an angry Hello Kitty mob, while it would likely make the news, would be a downright embarrassing demise.

Of course, my wife wants to go. “Wouldn’t that be the most wonderful vacation ever!!”

It is typical Hello Kitty Hell that I already have to worry about 2008 when 2007 hasn’t even ended…

37 thoughts on “Hello Kitty Convention 2008”

  1. i beat darlene the whiner!! w00t w00t!

    i would say you should go and spread you message but HK fanatics seem to be deaf.. i mean, no one here is listening to darlene but she keep coming back and spewing more pro-hk vomit that never makes any sense.

    love HKH!!

  2. Here you go again showing that you’re incapable of receiving a compliment or nice gesture without totally being negative. This nice person invites you to give a talk and says that she will make sure that you will be treated with respect and you complain about how it would be the worst thing possible. How rude is that? The Hello Kitty community reaches out to you even after you have been so mean and all you do is slap them in the face. I’m amazed at how all of us Hello Kitty fans are as tolerant as we are of you. I doubt you have an ounce of kindness running through your blood.

    Hello Kitty conventions are positive events where people can share the love they have for Hello Kitty. With your attitude, you would never be welcome at one. And if you did ever give a presentation at one, everyone would see how mean and awful you truly are with this irrational hate for Hello Kitty.

  3. While there is a chance that you could free some people from their unfortunate Hello Kitty addiction, it does seem to me that you would be a lot safer avoiding the whole disaster. Above all else, you must keep yourself safe!

    Think about all of the potential victims you could save by continuing your blog!

  4. I have gone my entire life without knowing Hello Kitty’s “birthday” and as a result of reading the article I now know it. Once I realized that I now knew something about HK that I didn’t before I hoped I could forget it. Nope.

    This convention is already causing mental damage.

    Nothing I can do about it now.

    Now I would say “if you happen to be in the area” means they can’t afford to fly you out.

    If you decide at sometime to go public I think that would be very cool. But you should get plane fare, money and a room.

    Well, I guess November 1 I’m doing a special theme at the website. And I blame this person for actually wanting us all to know HK’s birthday more than they wanted a speaker.

  5. Why talk about hell? Why should he talk to a bunch of people that will think “He’s so sweet when he talks ill of Hello Kitty… his wife must love him very much or slips him a lot of hello kitty sleeping pills”.
    I’m with you mate!!

  6. Wow, that sounds like a trap to me! Don’t go, man it’s a set up! Darlene probably organized it. Hope you didn’t tell your wife! Don’t attend your lynching!

  7. Note Cards for Presentation at Con:

    1. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and You
    1a. Obsession and Endless Collecting
    2a. Medications that Help

    2. How To Save Your Relationship
    2a. Does He REALLY Want HK Stuff?
    2b. Know When To Sell
    2c. Know When To Shut Up

    3. How To Save Your House
    3a. “Theming” a Single Room
    3b. What Normal Adult Living Rooms Look Like

  8. While I see your worries of this thing not going over well, I have to say. I think that most HK fanatics take their fanaticism in stride (of course, you might have met fanatics who act otherwise). I love HK, but I find your blog hilarious and yes, I admit, some of us have a tendency to go overboard.

    And just think of all the boyfriends and husbands who are going to be dragged to this con next year against their will. If anything, you should do it for them…let them know you feel their pain!

  9. Ok, Conventions can be a great thing. I myself go to Anime Conventions….but a convention for Hello Kitty? Thats just…thats wrong. Something is telling me this is one of those crazy cults, where you go in and then they sit you in a room and brainwash you. Then the U.S. Military comes in, and you fight them off for as long as possible, then commit Mass Hello Kitty Suicide.

    If you have to go to the cursed thing, I have one piece of advice. Do not drink the Kool-Aid! Well that, and try to avoid bodily contact with anyone dressed up as Hello Kitty…..

    But who else thinks Darlene sits at her computer every free hour of every day randomly refreshing this site? Then when a new entry is submitted, tries to post as soon as possible. That and I doubt she reads anything anyone else says cause that would destroy her fragile mental state where HK is a god/goddess/omniscient thingy.

  10. eh no offense you didn`t have to be
    such an ass to the lady.
    i get you hate hellokitty, yea ok thats
    the whole point of this damn site.
    seriously, like, chill or something.

  11. I can’t help but wonder why you’d even mention this to your wife in the first place… that seems like a very huge mistake. I bet your wife is already planning the trip en route in Hong Kong just so the two of you can spend time in the Hello Kitty lounge (in HK… lovely little coincidence ain’t it?), fly the Hello Kitty plane, and the Hello Kitty special in-flight dinner….

    I also wonder in the HK convention if all the crazy ones dress up as Hello Kitty and communicate in HK language….

    It probably sounds kinda like Linda Blair in “The Exorcist.”

  12. I wonder if they have Hello Kitty Antipsychotics or mood stablisers for Hello Kitty fanatics!

    Of course they don’t, right? Otherwise every one of them will wake up and realize how stupid they’ve been!

    Mr. HELLO KITTY HELL, I think I finally figure out one thing that has not yet been hellokittified!!!!


  13. must. breathe. can’t. stop. laughing…….

    oh and uh thanks for keeping Darlene busy so the rest of us can live our lives without interference. Way to take one for the team!

  14. This definitely brought the Hello Kitty Hell to a new level, which nobody has ever been before. This is really really good, if this is a joke. Of course, things are more interesting because this is not a joke.

    I read many years ago in an essay one novel writer wrote that women really got excited and started laughing when he said bad things about women. The female audience really liked to hear him talking about bad things about women. First it was strange to him. But he eventually realized that those female audience didn’t think his speech was talking about them *but* all other women except her.

    People’s psychology is more complex than you may think.

  15. I just wanted to say that YES, this is actually real (you can all stop – or start? – cringing now). I sent the email because I’m a kitty fan and I actually DO enjoy the blog. It makes me laugh, and hey, he’s revealed a few HK items I didn’t even know existed! Anyway, nooo, it’s not a cult, there will be no sacrifices. 🙂 Basically, like one poster said, HK makes us happy. If someone is sh*tty to me at work, I might go on eBay and check out the cheapie HK goods. Oh, and to the poster who said we can’t afford to fly them out- so true! This is a fan-sponsored convention, and all proceeds go to benefit Best Friends Animal Charity (www.bestfriends.org). Honestly, I’d just like to thank Mr. HKH for getting the word out (no matter how many folks laugh at it!).

  16. So, uh, why DID you tell you wife about this? and why does she think you’d go with her?
    Going annonymously could be interesting – but I fear it may be the end of you – but could be the most amusing post!

    I don’t think you HATE HK, that would be giving HK more emotional power than you would wish – so Darlene has it wrong. No, it’s a strong dislike of how irrational some people get about HK.

    I admit I have stuff. Hm, marginally better than everything Disneyfied.

    Convention though? Yegads!

  17. Isn’t it a blogger’s dream to be invited to a convention? You should go for the irony. And by “irony,” I mean the iron maiden you’ll be kept in while your wife shops for HK. Beneath your sarcasm, I detect the detached aura of the flattered.

  18. ok, you shold totaly do it!
    you dont even have to do it while being there, it might be just you reading out some of your blogs through a pre-recorded speaker!
    it would give a place for all the boyfrined that were draged there somewhere to go. and it would be a hoot!

  19. It is very expensive to travel to and from Japan to end up in North Carolina at a Hello Kitty convention.

    Vegas? Worth it. San Francisco? Fun. Two of my favorite places that have taken a beating- New Orleans and San Diego? Still better. Chapel Hill? Maybe. Anywhere else in North Carolina? No.

    Even with San Diego burning, I’d rather be there.

  20. Wow, Mike! Can I pay you NOT to come??? Hahaha, it’s funny that you’re so active on this site. Perhaps you protest a little too much. Anyway, let’s get over the travel fee thing. The conference benefits a charity, and I was aware that Mr. HKH wasn’t going to be able to make it. Anyway, it’s OK, I’m sure it’s really expensive to travel from your *trailer park* too. 🙂

  21. Yep Heather, here I sit on the porch of my van, which you can see by clicking on my name, listening to Johnny Cash and drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon, as God intended.

    Safe and secure knowing that my mobile home is free of Hello Kitty.

    Oh I know what your thinking. How long can I hold out? When the end times come I won’t be able to buy goods unless I show a Hello Kitty item. Sooner or later, Heather, you figure I’ll fold.

    To paraphrase THE GRAPES OF WRATH, whenever a husband is forced to wear or use a Hello Kitty item in public- I’ll be there. Whenever a boyfriend has to bite the bullet and say that tacky purse is stunning- I’ll be there.

    Whenever a kid is forced to watch those horrible Hello Kitty cartoons- I’ll be there.

    Now, click on my name, scroll down and check out the van. Time to put on some Merle Haggard.

  22. Heather, I, too, attend conventions. It is considered normal courtesy, even at a charity fancon, to pay out of pocket expenses to the Guests of Honour. Just what makes you think that an HKCon should be exempt from this rule?

  23. Darlene, STFU. Some of us are diehard HK fans and still love this blog. You don’t speak for all of us, and you also don’t GET IT. This blog has a purpose, and it’s not showing how awful the guy is. I’ve corresponded with him and he was perfectly normal.

  24. Yikes!! *_*
    It is truly disturbing when people make idols like this; with anything- I’ve been to anime conventions where people make idols out of anime characters and live in a fantasy-world, not the real world. Enjoying Hello Kitty is ok, I used to like HK when I was a child and still like her, she’s okay! But to be obsessed with ANYTHING this much (Hello kitty, anime, Elvis fans, Snoopy, star wars fans, Whatever-!) is just plain wrong. It’s like people try to compensate for something missing in their heart when they worship false idols like Hello Kitty. Although, because of your wife’s obsession- out of it came this hilarious blog- so something good did come of it, ne? 🙂 but still, everything in moderation (including hello kitty-!) It’s just spiritually unsound to think of nothing but Hello Kitty 24/7 (of of any one thing for that matter!) Take care and blessings 🙂 Good luck!

  25. they’ve cancelled the hello kitty con 2008 🙁 due to lack of interest. maybe your website is paying off in your negative way 🙁

  26. OMG that is too funny, do you Mr. HKH got to them already?
    Heather sorry, really.
    Hell, if I had nothing better to do, I’d have gone, and brought my crazy HK loving friend with me.
    Do they sell stuff there too?
    Or just door prizes..cause you may get more interest int he future if you say there will be certain vendors with stuff you can’t get here in the States…that’s what people want is stuff straight from the crack peddler 🙂

  27. canceled…due to lack of interest? really?? i thought there were millions of HK minions out there! maybe she is losing her grip on our world? one can only dream.


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