Gadgets

As I have mentioned previously, when living in Hello Kitty Hell, it’s extremely important to not make the assumption that something you ask the Hello Kitty fanatic to purchase won’t come in a Hello Kitty model. This can be difficult at times because any reasonable person would assume that certain products would just never come out in a Hello Kitty model, but as you can see, Hello Kitty fanatics are far from reasonable. That means that if a company makes it, there is probably a Hello Kitty model out there.

My wife and I are going to a concert in a fairly large arena this coming weekend and I mentioned that if she had the time, she should pick up a pair of binoculars so that we can see the performance better. Now who in their right mind would imagine that they would make Hello Kitty binoculars? Well, they do and we now have them:

I can already see the people around me staring and pointing as I look through these Hello Kitty binoculars to get a closer look at the concert — it isn’t going to be a pretty sight and it is never fun to bring Hello Kitty Hell into the public arena…

One of the biggest hazards living in Hello Kitty Hell is that even casual conversation can lead to Hello Kitty Hell escalation. I should have learned by now that I need to watch what I say. I made the innocent comment the other day that in winter time the house seems to get more stuffy since we don’t open the windows as often. Of course, I should have known that to a Hello Kitty fanatic, that was an invitation to go out and purchase…a Hello Kitty air purifier:

Silence is a golden rule in Hello Kitty Hell…

Once you have been living in Hello Kitty Hell for an extended period of time, the “sick factor” comes into play. This is a simple rule that applies to all things Hello Kitty when one lives in a Hello Kitty Hell. The sick factor rule states that the more nauseating a Hello Kitty item is to you, the more the Hello Kitty fanatic will like it.

One of the few items that my wife does not currently have is a Hello Kitty TV and so it was with much fear that I opened up an email from ojuang that lead to a Hello Kitty TV set. It only took a quick peek to know that this was going to be on the high end of my sick factor scale which immediately meant my wife would love it.

Of course, the sick factor rule prevailed once again to hit my wife’s reaction with a bulls eye. Among all the fawning over the Apple TV, there was even the mention of “one in every room” which immediately stopped my heart. My hope is that locating one of these will be difficult and the damage will stop at one — yes, even with all the contradictory evidence piled upon me each day in Hello Kitty Hell, I do still hope for the impossible…

Thanks (I think) to ojuang via akihabaranews

Well, several readers (thanks Sabine, Becky and Dan for your contribution to my Hello Kitty Hell) decided that I should know about the new Hello Kitty clock radio / docking station for Apple’s iPod. It’s nice to know that those that read about my Hello Kitty Hell want to see me to sink deeper into it’s depths…

Of course, as soon as my wife got one look at it she decided that it was something that she had to have (like that was a surprise…). That means that I will soon have to wake up each morning to Hello Kitty and undoubtedly that awful Hello Kitty song:

Listen to that once (because I would never imagine torturing anyone by making them listen to it more than that) and imagine having to listen to it every single morning when you get up. That, my friends, is where my Hello Kitty Hell is heading with this newest gadget…

There should be a rule that Hello Kitty Xmas shopping can’t be considered until December (actually the rule should be that it is outlawed, but you have to begin with tiny steps). It seems that since I received my unwelcome Hello Kitty mouse and mouse pad, my wife has decided that the beginning of the Xmas season has begun. That means that every Hello Kitty items she finds that she wants ends up on a list of things I’m supposed to buy.

Her current #1 (which I’m desperately hoping will change) is this Hello Kitty sewing machine:

The part that she loves (and send shivers down my spine) is that it has a memory card that you can place in and it will automatically stitch Hello Kitty and her friends for you. I can already see the disasters that will occur if she ever ends up getting it. It’s start slowly with a Hello Kitty on a handkerchief or socks where nobody can see it. Before long, she’ll get a little bolder and decide that my polo shirts could use a Hello Kitty monogram. Once that happens, it’s all downhill and I won’t have a single piece of clothing that doesn’t have Hello Kitty somewhere on it.

You know that Hello Kitty Hell is taking on a whole new dimension when Hello Kitty items that aren’t even in the house start to haunt you…

Update: More Hello Kitty sewing machines

Hello Kitty transformer

Most men would be in heaven if they didn’t have to fight tooth and nail with their wife to get all the electronic gadgets they want. When you live in Hello Kitty Hell, however, things often get turned upside down. While I do like my gadgets, I pray that we don’t get any new ones these days.

I think that the people at Sanrio have purposefully peeked into my Hello Kitty Hell and are having bets among one another whether they can make it worse. Then they sit there high-fiving one another when they see that something that just shouldn’t exist in this world ends up in households like mine. I’m not big on conspiracy theories, but Hello Kitty Hell is moving me in that direction.

Let’s take our DVD for example. While living in Japan I made the mistake mentioning that I would like to get a DVD player. When it comes to gadgets like that, I usually have to negotiate over a long period of time to get the gadget, but on this occasion I received a “what a great idea!” Now, in hindsight, this should have been a glaring clue that something was obscenely going to go wrong, but of course it did not register until I came home that evening to find this monstrosity in our house:

Of course, the DVD nightmare didn’t end there. It wasn’t long after that the portable Hello Kitty DVD player ended up in our house without me even requesting it:

I thought it couldn’t get any worse when the other day we went into a store and saw the US Hello Kitty DVD version for sale.

My wife’s eyes immediately opened wide and I walked us out of there as quickly as possible. It seemed that I’d avoided another escalation in Hello Kitty Hell. I think I did…the problem is that I have this nagging feeling that when I return home from the current trip I’m on, there is going to be another DVD player in our household…