Strange – Page 41 – Hello Kitty Hell

Dog

July 27, 2007 by onezero

It doesn’t take long for Hello Kitty fanatics to take a bad idea of the Hello Kitty cat and make it even worse. When it comes to Hello Kittifying, no pet is safe, even if you’re a dog:

Living in Hello Kitty Hell, I know the humiliation that this dog must feel. While it may be physically less painful than the Hello Kitty dog tattoo, mentally this dog is a goner (of course, my wife has a different take: “Awwww, that is so cute!! The owner must love that dog so much!). The real question is where will this Hello Kittification of pets end, and my guess is that if Sanrio – and Hello Kitty fanatics – have their way, it’s not going to be a pretty sight to any non Hello Kitty fanatic in the end…

Thanks to Kristin (via RavenNW) who should be forced to walk down the street wearing this Hello Kitty costume for even thinking of bringing this to my attention.

Update: More unfortunate creatures that must have done something unthinkably terrible in their previous life to end up being a pet of a Hello Kitty fanatic:

Sent in by lauraschue via The Pink Paw

Sent in by Gina

Kitty Cat (more)

July 26, 2007 by onezero

We all hoped, prayed and basically got down on our knees and begged that the Hello Kitty cat was an aberration – a Hello Kitty marketing attempt that was woefully wrong that nobody would ever purchase. It wasn’t possible that there were actually Hello Kitty fanatics out there (beyond my wife) that would be willing to humiliate their cats, right? Oh, how wrong non Hello Kitty fanatics can be…

Thanks to jean (via Gizmodo Japan) who should be forced to wear these outfits along with the cats for sending this to me…

Update: Apparently there are more cats planning their owner’s death out there:

Sent in by Fei

"Maneki Neko" Crystal Doll

July 26, 2007 by onezero

While my wife wants this $66,000 (8 million yen) crystal glass doll, it’s a bit out of her price range which leads me to believe that we should take a vow of poverty (thus making all Hello Kitty goods too expensive for us to purchase)

While making a $66,000 crystal glass doll out of 62,000 Swarovski crystal beads is insane in itself (it shouldn’t come as a surprise that this is currently on display with the Hello Kitty Doghouse at the Mitsukoshi department store in Tokyo), the truly pathetic part is that the reason they made it is because someone is going to buy it (which would be my wife if she could). Since Hello Kitty is posed as a manekineko (a good money fortune symbol in Japan), she believes that if she can get it, more riches will come her way (which is all the more reason I’m happy she can’t afford it).

While it has already been well established that Hello Kitty items are useless, what in Hello Kitty Hell are you going to do with a $66,000 crystal Hello Kitty? Place it in your home entrance and wait for some kid to come over and knock it to the ground and shatter it (hmmm, remind me to suggest to my wife to place it there if she ever decides she can afford one). I mean, at least with the Hello kitty Ferrari you have something to drive around (although admittedly, you can never show your face to any of your friends for the rest of your life…)

Even though my wife will not purchase it, that doesn’t mean that I get to escape from it in Hello Kitty Hell. All I’m going to do is hear about how “beautiful and cute” it is and “if we only had the money for it” for the next week or until some other Hello Kitty items diverts her attention – either way, it only means more Hello Kitty Hell in the future.

Thanks to Kelly who passed this along and should be forced to spend all her money on something like this for even considering sending to me…

Bong

July 22, 2007 by onezero

Hmmmm, this Hello Kitty mod is taking Hello Kitty’s main goal in life of alternating everyone’s state of mind to a whole new level – the Hello Kitty bong:

When I saw this, I mentioned to my wife that I would not be surprised if Sanrio is in the process of developing a Hello Kitty brand of pot that would help alter people’s perception to instantly fall in love with Hello Kitty.

To which my wife responded with a smile, “It’s not needed. We are all high on Hello Kitty just the way she is” — and that, my friends, typifies the Hello Kitty Hell I live in…

Thanks to way too many readers (via two twenty) who obviously must be smoking the stuff to spend so much time looking for Hello Kitty crap to email to me…

Update: another Hello Kitty bong photo left by jennell in the comments:

Left in the comments by Harlock

Sent in by Jean [apparently there is now a retail line…]

Close-ups left by filipetadamassa on twitter

Sent in by james (via friend without the r)

Sent in by Lorie

Sent in by Pearly

Hello Kitty Halo

July 21, 2007 by onezero

More proof that Hello Kitty has to Hello Kittify everything she comes in contact with (and that no matter how wrong it is to modify something, Hello Kitty will still lay claim to it), including first person shooting computer games:

Of course, my wife thinks that this is a positive thing (I know, I know — it is impossible to see how this could ever be a positive thing to any normal human being, but you have to remember that Hello Kitty fanatics have a warped sense of what Hello Kitty can do): “Doesn’t it look sooooo much better? By Hello Kitty giving Halo her heart, those who play the game will be given a kindness that only Hello Kitty can give.” (?!? ummmm, it’s a game with the goal of killing everything in site…)

The sad fact here is that upon seeing this latest Hello Kittification, I wasn’t even surprised in the least bit which goes to show that Hello Kitty Hell has begun to numb my senses…and that is exactly what scares me most about Hello Kitty Hell…

Thanks to Nic who should be forced to live with Hello Kitty Halo images every night in her dreams for sending this to me…

Hello Kitty Tar Art

July 20, 2007 by onezero

It only happens once in a blue moon, but it does happen when I least expect it. Something Hello Kitty gets sent to me that makes me believe that there might be light at the end of the Hello Kitty Hell tunnel. Something that makes me think, well, maybe, just maybe, this Hello Kitty Hell day won’t be like all the rest. This happens when I get a photo like this:

wife: “Who would have such a cruel heart to ever do such an evil thing like that to Hello Kitty? It makes me want to cry.”

me: “oh, yes, that is terrible.” (thinking: Hell Yeah, where are the feathers!!!)

Thanks to John (via Mattia Biagi) who deserves a beer for bringing a smile to my face in Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty Armoured Personnel Carrier

July 19, 2007 by onezero

It seems that Sanrio has teamed up with the military to bring the scariest military vehicle that anyone could imagine:

Hello Kitty, in her quest at world domination, has moved up from the Hello Kitty Ferrari and other Hello Kitty cars and is now producing armoured personnel carriers for the Army (although this is a photoshopped model of what is to come). My wife loves the idea. “If everyone drove around in Hello Kitty vehicles like that, there would only be love and peace in the world.”

It’s hard to argue with logic like that except for the fact that the casualty rate would likely be much higher if the Army started exclusively using these. The Hello Kitty armoured personnel carrier would effectively nauseate the enemy into submission with many of them killing themselves to avoid the extreme pain. I know that’s exactly what I would end up doing…

Photo courtesy of SofaShark from his flickr photos

Hello Kitty Batman Tattoo

July 15, 2007 by onezero

In keeping with the superhero theme, my wife had this tattoo emailed to her in her continued search for the perfect Hello Kitty tattoo for herself.

(Photo removed on request)

While I think Hello Kitty tattoos are wrong in general and anyone who ever considers getting one should have to do so with the Hello Kitty Vibrator Tattoo Gun Mod, having my wife consider one placed in that particular area of her body would be a Hello Kitty Hell disaster. It’s bad enough that I have to find Hello Kitty underneath the first layer of clothing, but to have her staring directly at me once all the layers are off would bring Hello Kitty Hell to an all new level.

While I could go into 1000 reasons why this particular Hello Kitty tattoo is also horrendous, the truth is that any Hello Kitty tattoo plastered across my wife’s chest is going to be a complete nightmare. The last thing that I want is to be in the mood and have to deal with Hello Kitty staring directly at me knowing that I must complement my wife on the Hello Kitty tattoo or face the repercussion that I will be to be sent to the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag. I fear that this is the Hello Kitty Hell future that lies ahead…

Thanks to kittyfan3 who should be forced to get a similar tattoo and listen to that same music each day for the rest of her life…

Hello Kitty Superman

July 15, 2007 by onezero

I’ve mentioned before that Hello Kitty doesn’t like to stay in her domain, but instead intrudes into other popular cultural areas and tries to Hello Kittify them. This usually doesn’t go over too well with the fans of that particular area, but Hello Kitty fanatics think that it’s the most wonderful thing in the world (and assume that everyone feels the same way). It is because of things like this that we get the Hello Kitty Darth Vader or the Hello Kitty Star Trek Klingon. So it should be no surprise that Hello Kitty fanatics also created a Hello Kitty Superman:

While obviously a poorly done photoshop job, my wife still thinks it’s great. Her opinion is that “the goodness of Hello Kitty inside Superman would make the best superhero of all time!” (as if Superman weren’t already good) while the rest of us look at it shaking our heads in unbelieving disgust. My wife actually said she would buy a Hello Kitty superman doll if they made one which scares me because I’m sure that Sanrio is probably considering doing so…

You definitely know you’re in Hello Kitty Hell when superheros are supposedly better when they morph with Hello Kitty…

Sent in by way, way too many people — you all need to get more of a life and all your superheros should come Hello Kittified in the future as your punishment…

Hello Kitty Vibrator Light Sabre

July 10, 2007 by onezero

There are a lot of things that are wrong with Hello Kitty, but sometimes my wife shows me items that are just wrong on so many levels. The Hello Kitty Darth Vader is one of them which will have most Star Wars fans rolling in their graves long after they die. Then there is the Hello Kitty vibrator which, again, is just plain wrong on so many levels it’s difficult to even know where to begin list all the problems. So what would someone do to top either of these? Make a Hello Kitty vibrator light sabre of course:

Now imagine the Hello Kitty Darth Vader holding a Hello Kitty vibrator light sabre getting ready to…well, what exactly would Darth Vader do with one of those?!? And if you begin to think about this, you pretty much get a clear idea of what’s so, so, so wrong with Hello Kitty (except if you’re a Hello Kitty fanatic like my wife to which you say, “That is soooo cute! Star Wars would have been an infinitely much better movie if all the characters had pink Hello Kitty light sabres.”)

The day has hardly begun and my head is already aching. It’s when I see photos like this that I know the day has all the makings of a truly Hello Kitty Hellish day…

Thanks to greg (via comicbookgirl.com) who should have to face the wrath of all Star Wars fans for pointing out the existence of this item.