Hello Kitty Bedroom

Receiving emails with Hello Kitty photos attached is disturbing in itself, but even more disturbing is the trend of people sending me photos of their personal Hello Kitty stuff:

Hello Kitty bedroom

Here is a simple question. Why in the world would I want to look at your Hello Kitty crap when I already have to spend the entire day looking at all my wife’s Hello Kitty crap? For all those that keep sending me photos of their Hello Kitty stuff, please be clear about the following:

1. No matter how Hello Kittified your room, house or life is, it’s still paltry compared to my wife.

2. I realize that it bothers you to no end that there is someone out there that has more Hello Kitty stuff than you, but I’m not going to send you photos of all my wife’s Hello Kitty crap so that you can see how much further you have to go to top her.

3. I will not go through the list of Hello Kitty things that you send to me and tell you which ones my wife has and which ones she doesn’t. I would rather go to the dentist and have a root canal performed without any anesthesia than do something like that.

4. I could really care less how much time it has taken you to lay out all your Hello Kitty crap so that you could take a photo of it to send to me. Instead of whining that your effort should get the photo posted on this blog, save yourself time and me the horror of seeing it and just don’t do it.

5. While you may think it would be fun to be the penfriend of some guy that bashes on Hello Kitty on a regular basis, the thought of that is one of my worst nightmares so please stop asking.

6. While you may think that I’m a complete (insert expletive of choice here) because I don’t use your photos on this blog or write back to you when you email me, think of this as me actually being kind. If I did either, you would be even more offended.

7. Your 1000 word essays to me on why Hello Kitty is great is a waste of both your time and mine. In fact, I read the first 2 sentences (if that much) and then hit delete.

8. Yes, I realize that there are other Sanrio characters that exist. No, I’m not going to make a blog about them, too, because you want me to “find obscure photos of these characters so you don’t have to spend all your time looking for them.” And no, I’m not going to send you another email explaining in more detail than my previous answer of simply stating “No” — which, if I might say, I thought was quite generous on my part to even reply with that.

9. No, I am not willing to help you find some Hello Kitty crap that you have been searching for for the last 10 years even if it isn’t listed on this blog. Since I’ve already made it clear that I’m not going to tell you where you can get the Hello Kitty crap on this site, I thought that this would be obvious, but apparently I still underestimate the common sense of Hello Kitty fanatics.

10. Your offer to send nude photos of you and your friends in exchange to find out where you can buy some of the crap on this blog, while inventive, would leave me on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag even longer than when I say bad things about Hello Kitty — therefore it’s not an acceptable trade no matter how beautiful you think you are.

Unfortunately, these are a typical monthly round of emails when you live in Hello Kitty Hell…

Photo sent in by Cangela11 who, among all the others who have contributed to the above list, deserves unthinkable torture for believing that it could in any way, shape or form be a good idea to send any of their photos or emails to me…