We are already well aware that the cat with no mouth tends to go a bit overboard in her decorations. For those that have any doubt, just take a look at what she does to phones and nails. Only in the world of the evil feline does it somehow make sense that the way to block the sun while wearing glasses is to fill those glasses with so much bling that the sun can’t get through them. The obvious fact that it also means that you can’t see crap out of them yourself apparently doesn’t seem to be an issue of much concern which is perfectly illustrated with these Hello Kitty sunglasses:

hello kitty sunglasses

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Hello Kitty Swarovski Crystal Covered Bike

It’s when I receive emails like this that I know it’s really going to be a Hello Kitty Hell day. I’ve noticed a growing trend of Hello Kitty fanatics modding their stuff so that they can have the only (and most expensive) of that certain kind of item. Thus it was not a surprise (although it still made me want to run to the toilet) when this arrived in me email box:

Hello Kitty bike

Hello Kitty bike

Hello Kitty bike

I’m not sure what it is with Hello Kitty and Swarovski crystals, but this is definitely a Hello Kitty fanatic thing (see my wife’s modded cell phone). I think that Sanrio and Swarovski have secretly teamed up after discovering some special region of the brain in Hello Kitty fanatics which goes into overdrive when the two are combined while the rest of us normal folks are left staring at stinging bling that makes us want to cut our eyes out because doing so would be less painful.

What’s worse is the Hello Kitty fanatic is totally proud of this monstrosity:

I got the most expensive Hello Kitty bike on the planet! I spent one year covering my Hello Kitty bike in Swarovski crystals. Literally thousands of dollars were spent and it has approximately 50,000 crystals on it.

Yep, that pretty well sums up a Hello Kitty fanatic. Of course, my wife loves it. “It shines and sparkles bringing Hello Kitty brightness wherever she goes. Isn’t that wonderful?” I was tempted to answer, but decided that now that winter is here, it’s no fun to sleep alone on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag…

Sent in by Dottie who should have the the good fortune to have this pimped out contraption stolen, but who is safe with it because I can’t imagine that anyone (including the worst criminal elements) would ever want to be seen with something like that…

Hello Kitty NEC Laptop Computer

Not only is one Hello Kitty laptop not enough for the evil feline, one Hello Kitty NEC Hello Kitty laptop with Swarovski crystal beads is not enough. Thus NEC has released a new version of their Lavie G model covered once again is crystallized bling:

Hello Kitty Lavie computer

Hello Kitty laptop computer


Since my wife already has the previous model, why would she need this one? (Yes, I know a very stupid question since we have already determined that Hello Kitty fanatics don’t need any reason when it comes to Hello Kitty). At $1,825 (210,000 yen), it’s a bit expensive as just a display item, but that would never stop a Hello Kitty fanatic. She has the perfect solution to the price issue. She thinks that it is time for me to get a new laptop, and she thinks this would be the perfect model (despite the fact that if this was ever given to me, I would never be able to use it since there is too much risk that I would damage it in some way meaning by default it would be hers).

I can already see how this holiday season is shaping up and I don’t think it will be too difficult to anticipate what my Christmas gift is going to be which already has me feeling perpetually queasy. For the number of times that living in Hello Kitty Hell upsets my stomach, I really should be investing in antacid companies…