Hello Kitty Bruise?

It’s bad enough when your girlfriend encourages you to dress up in Hello Kitty stuff (same guy as in the photos below) and humiliate yourself, but you know you’ve reached new depths of horror when you begin to see Hello Kitty even when the evil feline is not there. Case in point – the Hello Kitty bruise:

Hello Kitty bruise

Everyone gets bruises and there is nothing special about this one you would assume unless you happen to be dating a Hello Kitty fanatic:

Hello Kitty bruise

She would encourage you to take out a pen and fill in the blanks until — tada — you have a Hello Kitty bruise:

Hello Kitty bruise

Read moreHello Kitty Bruise?

Hello Hellish Kitty

On a very rare occasion, I come across something Hello Kitty that I actually like. On these days I have to stop, pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming, then put on just enough of a smile that my wife can’t discern whether I’m smiling or critically analyzing the evil feline in question. When these acceptable Hello Kitties come along, they almost are always something that reveals the true Hello Kitty:

Hello Hellish Kitty

wife: “Are you smiling?!?”

me: “No, I’m critically analyzing it…” (beaming with pleasure inside)

wife: “Why would someone do something like that?”

me: “hmmmmm…” (trying to keep the laughs from bursting out)

wife: “Hello Kitty doesn’t have a mouth. She could never take a bite like that!”

me: “hmmmmm…” (wondering if Hello Kitty doesn’t have a mouth, why do I have to always listen to her sing her theme song…but letting it quickly pass to concentrate on the joy of the drawing more)

wife: “This is really disgusting and wrong!” (beginning to get angry)

me: “hmmmmm…” (enjoying the drawing even more as time passes)

wife: “Aren’t you offended by this?!”

me: “hmmmmmmm…” (thinking: “not in the least bit”)

wife: “Are you sure you aren’t smiling?!?”

me: “No, I’m critically analyzing it…”

It’s nice to see that there are others that can see the true Hello Kitty for what she really is. I actually think I felt a chill in Hello Kitty Hell…

Left by Alyssa in the comments – who I owe a beer if we ever meet for actually showing me something Hello Kitty that I could enjoy…