One mans hell with cute overload
You know that game where you concentrate on some serene scene or maze and then all of a sudden a scary figure jumps out and scares the bejesuses out of you?
Well, that’s basically how I feel when I open my email from Hello Kitty fanatics (except I cry afterward instead of laugh). The latest in the long series that has done this to me was this photo:
Today, two confounded IT technicians wandered into my office and handed me a drawer from the new rack that they were installing. Printed on the circuit board was….
I cringed with despair when people started to make Hello Kitty computer mods. This sickness only increased as manufacturers began rolling out mass produced Hello Kitty laptops (and another and another), but I figured that it had to end there. Seriously, what else could Hello Kitty really do? But, alas, as has been well established here in Hello Kitty Hell, the evil feline can always do more. For those of you not yet thoroughly convinced that Hello Kitty plans to place her face on every single product in the world, I present the Hello Kitty circuit board.
It’s all right. Settle down and catch your breath. I know you read that headline and just about had a heart attack thinking that I had finally completely lost it. I’m sure you pictured me having been taken away in a Hello Kitty straight jacket to spend the rest of my life knocking my head against Hello Kitty themed padded walls (which is undoubtedly coming soon). No, in reality you once again failed to realize the utterly ridiculous levels Hello Kitty will go to sell her image. The headline is unfortunately literally accurate — The evil feline is now selling hand painted rocks that are done in her image:
Just when you believe that Sanrio can’t possible think of a more completely useless product than the Hello Kitty banana cover, they go and do this. Can Hello Kitty dirt be far behind? Or possibly a Hello Kitty slingshot to add to the ever growing arsenal of Hello Kitty weapons.
Of course, my wife absolutely loves these. Upon seeing them, the ever present “this is so cute” came with an overly elongated “soooooo” that is a unbreakable secret code that Hello Kitty fanatics use to determine exactly where in the overall scheme of Hello Kitty each product ranks.
You know how this came about. Someone at Sanrio said, “Hey, remember years ago when the pet rock was all the rage? Why don’t we make a Hello Kitty pet rock?” Now, at any other corporation in the world, that person would have been fired the next day, but in the world of Hello Kitty, that person has been promoted to a management position. Which simply means that more stuff like this will continue to flood the market for Hello Kitty fanatics and continue to move my Hello Kitty Hell to new depths…
Sent in by Adora who deserves to have to spend her life painting rocks in the image of Hello Kitty and then have them thrown at her for thinking that sending this to me could be a good idea in any way, shape or form.
Update: Apparently the evil feline didn’t feel that painted rocks were enough and found a way to put her likeness into a natural Hello Kitty stone:
Left by @chefpandita on Twitter
It really does not help my Hello Kitty Hell when people actually take suggestions of my wife such as learning how to carve a Hello Kitty o’ lantern:
via Movies of Myself (with the hope that it does mold and collapse into a zombie Kitty and we get to see a photo of that)
Sent in by Marla (It seems to me that Kitty isn’t happy being associated with Hello Kitty)
Sent in by someone who asked not to have their name revealed (someone with at least a bit of common sense, although he did make a Hello Kitty pumpkin so we may not be able to give him too much credit) from last year.
All these readers (and anyone else that decides to join them) should have to keep the Hello Kitty pumpkins for the entire year and watch as they decompose into the true character of the evil feline…
Update: I guess it shouldn’t be a surprise that after writing this, more Hello Kitty fanatics would send me photos of their Hello Kitty ‘o lanterns as well:
From Jennifer…
From Sandra…
From natalie…
From natalie…
From Nicole…